Please Help!! Does Anyone Have A Possible Explaination Why My Wife Does This?

Question

My wife is self-employed and rents a booth in a nail salon. She called me yesterday at my office (my business partner was in my office during the call) to tell me that the salon owner was going to close down her salon. My wife will have to relocate her business to another salon.

Last night she asked me if I said anything to my business partner about her having to relocate her business. I told her I did, he (my partner) heard me saying, "Oh honey, that's ok, you'll find another salon".

My wife went ballistic and accused me of telling the whole world our personal family secrets. I told her that this situation doesn't qualify as a "family secret". She said to her, it was as personal as if I had talked about her period or what kind of sex we had.

Additional info: My partner's sister is a client of my wife.

This behavior makes absolutely no sense to me, completely irrational from my point of view. This type behavior happens every 3 to 4 months.

I'm lost, any insight?

My wife is 39 years old.

I've suggested counseling many times but she refuses saying it's a complete waste of money and time.

Two weeks away from her next period.

Answer 1

My friend, I wish there was a simple insightful answer to give. It seems like its pretty hard to win when it comes to women. It doesn't appear like you did anything wrong to me. You received a call from your wife while your business partner was in the room and your partner was bound to hear and ask questions. I don't think that qualifies as telling the whole world your family secrets. She seems pretty sensitive about what's going on and is taking it out on you which is unfortunate. I always thought women were supposed to be good at understanding things and making relationships work but the more experience I gain, the more I realize this isn't the case. You'll probably have to suck it up and she'll eventually get over it. Of course if it was the other way around then you'd still have to suck it up. Be thankful you only have to put up with this kind of behavior every few months... my girlfriend does this sort of thing once to twice a month and it gets very old.

Answer 2

I think there are a couple of things to consider:

She's feeling threatened, vulnerable and overwhelmed in the sense that her business, her independence is at stake. There's a pride thing about being self-employed and when one becomes unemployed it means self-failure.

I would say that this isn't the first time she has heard the uncertainty of this happening and the reality is now becoming clear.

You certainly don't want to discuss your situation with others because you never know who talks to whom. And again, if you talk to your partner about this financial matter, she might be a little timid to talk about her fears with you if she knows your partner and possibly her client (the sister) will know.

It's a pride thing.

I'm not sure it is PMS or your wife needs counselling. You need to be more supportive to her in this time and ask her what she would like YOU to do to be more supportive moving forward.

That being said, there is an "implied" closeness when it comes to business partners and the exchange of information about family,etc.

However, like I said, it sounds like her fear, anxiety, helplessness and possible loss of independence and pride got the best of her.

No one likes to lose a job that they have no control over - especially when it is their self-employment.

An alternative for her is to look at local laws for being able to start a home-based business working out of the home taking her client base with her to her new location. A possible start-up investment from yourself or from your business would certainly help her alleviate the anxiety and all the other fears she is probably having.

Good luck and I hope she does do the home-based business.

Answer 3

Women deal with all sorts of hormonal issues that men will never have the displeasure of even imagining about. It sucks. So, sometimes she's irrational. You can't ration with an irrational person. Wait until she's calmed down before you try to talk to her. Until then, simply tell her "I see your point". You're not saying you're wrong, but you acknowledge that she's TRYING to make a point. Sometimes women just want to feel like they're being heard. Then, a few days or weeks later, just bring it up and ask if she can explain a little more about how she was feeling. She might have a different perspective and be more willing to listen to you.
Suggest a birth control pill if it's really that bad, they regulate hormones so they could help.

Answer 4

Its hard to understand women sometimes. Probably she did not want your friend to know bout the relocation of the salon till she found something new, coz that might affect her business. Getting a new location, setting up the place etc takes time. As long as you are sure that you both love each other, im sure you can overlook such petty things...

Answer 5

well, i am married to the same woman i think...and it is a woman thing...and i am so sorry she did this to you, but i have been married 13 years and have learned to tell my wife to kiss my *** when she does that...yeah, it pisses her off more...and i really don't suggest you doing that unless your relationship is really strong....she is and was upset at losing her salon, and the last thing you needed to do was let your buddy hear about it, now i am not saying, lie to her, because that is a big no-no...then she would start her head spinning and it never stops then...if it happens every 3 or 4 months, then i'd say she is stressed ot and you just happen to be in the way....try keep her unstressed, by keeping her happy, or content anyway....i really hope this helps...write me if ya need to talk, because i know what you are going thru

Answer 6

First of all it's her fault for calling you in your office about it. Secondly, if you know this type of behavior happens every 3-4 months, you should have been careful not to say anything to your partner about what's going on with her knowing how she is.

Answer 7

It does qualify as a family matter, that's YOUR WIFE. Hello? She's pissed because your integrity to her should be kept between the two of you. Integrity, loyalty, and respect...what happened? It's not rocket science. You must have had a big lunch that cause you to forget. If she wants advice she'll ask you. If you need to discuss further with outsiders check with her first. That's not cool. You have to keep the integrity with your wife separate then with your partner. Is he supporting her financially? If not, really it's none of his business. His wife is a client/customer that's crossing the line and could cause a loss to your wifes business. Not cool!

Answer 8

Well, I'm thinking she was a bit over the top in her reaction, but it sounds like maybe she feels (rightly or wrongly, doesn't matter) that you don't think her business is as important as yours.

If this kind of thing really bothers you, why don't you suggest going to a counselor for a few sessions? That can really improve the quality of married life, and your relationship doesn't have to be at death's door to do it (in fact, the counselors really prefer that it is not).

Answer 9

No need to mention menstruation cycle--that was tacky!
Just because you dont think its a secret does not mean she feels the same way.
If your partner overheard a conversation between you and your wife and he assumed something--its gossip. You could have said nothing or "my wife is going thru something". Obviously she was hurt even if you dont see the problem--apologize for hurting her feelings and dont bring up the period thing!!!!

Answer 10

Your wife may have anxiety and/or doesn't want anyone to think that she is weak. Telling your partner was like admitting her weakness. "Oh she called me because she's upset." Even though you didn't actually expose her, she feels exposed. She's probably having anxiety about the business move and could fear losing business if the move isn't announced properly. You tell your partner, he tells his sister , she tells her friends, etc. etc. Pretty soon everyone thinks she's moved and she hasn't. Please, cut her some slack. "Sorry Honey" works wonders.