How can i ask my husband I want at least a week with the new baby-B4 his mother visits??

Question

Let's just say his mother drives me insain, and she believes that she is God's gift of motherhood (when in reality she gave my hubby and his siblings Nyquil when they couldn't go to sleep when they were children) He's thinking he wants to bring her up to our one bedroom apartment even before our baby is born~! She's demanding, and just makes me a nerveous wrek! ISn't it better that there isn't someone staying with the new parents when a baby is just born? She's the type of woman to literally take the baby away from the mother! I want at least a week with our new baby girl before exposing her to his mother~!!! HOw can i tell him this!?! HELP!!!

He thinks his mother is a saint.

I did tell him i was wanting privacy breastfeeding, but all he said was that I could cover myself with a blanket...ARE YOU NUTS! I don't even want my mother in the delivery room! The only one i'm comfortable with is him! And he just doesn't get it!!

Answer 1

The good thing about being pregnant is that you can blame everything on your doctor (I'm passive aggressive). If your Dr is a good Dr he will back you up on this because the truth of the matter is that you are being exposed to a stressful situation. No Dr wants their patient to stress out because it puts the baby at risk and that is exactly what you will do if she arrives before the birth. Secondly, it is recommended that you keep the baby away from as many people as possible for the first six months since their immune system needs to build up. The baby won't have it's first Dr's appt until it's about a week old anyway so explain to your husband that you want to speak to the baby's Dr first. There are sooo many babies who return to the hospital within the first few months because they've been inadvertently exposed to something. My friend's baby was in the hospital with Meningitis and almost died at two months!!! Just explain that you need to establish a routine with the baby and you can't do that with his mother around. Especially since YOU need to bond with your child and his mother would be "the other woman." Your child needs to know that YOU will be there when he/she needs something and not sometimes you and sometimes your mother-in-law since she is likely to take over or get to the baby before you do. It will only confuse the baby and when she leaves you will have to introduce another routine. It will frustrate you and confuse your child. Like I said, your Dr and the baby's Dr will support you if you feel you need to involve them.

Answer 2

Just say that it is important for the 3 of you to bond as a family and that you don't want ANY guests. I had a similar problem where I had to tell my husband that I didn't want his mom visiting immediately after our daughter was born. His mom sounds the same way. She thinks she is an excellent mother, but really took a lot of shortcuts to make her life easier rather than in the best interest of her kids. Are you planning to breastfeed? That is another good excuse. You want to be comfortable when you are getting used to that, not worried about comments from a MIL or having to hole up in your bedroom. When you are learning to latch a baby on you dont' want a blanket getting in the way.
Have you already gone to your childbirth and breastfeeding classes? Maybe that is something that can be discussed (needs of the mother postpartum).

Answer 3

Ohhh honey. That's a rough one. If it were your own mother, you might want her to be there right at first, so that you could rest and recover from the delivery...but a m-i-l is a different story. I know I'd feel as you do!

Maybe you could just suggest to your husband that the end of your pregnancy is going to be very trying, hormonal and stressful for you, and that you think it would be best for the last few weeks to just have alone time, just the two of you, before your budle of joy arrives. That should deal with the before-the-baby-arrives time frame. Let him know that after the baby comes, you would also like to have time alone with your new little one to settle into a routine with just the three of you. I'm sure there is a study or article or book somewhere that says that first week is an important bonding time with the baby and baby's family...

Good luck, and congrats on your impending arrival!

Answer 4

A common problem Im sure! I know my mum-in-law wants a call straight away so she can be right there 'helping', luckily for me my hubby wouldnt want that either. But Im gonna see how it pans out and take it a day at a time incase I fel like I want all the help I can get. Cant tell at the moment how I will feel.

If it extends to all guests then your hubby should understand. But if you mean you just dont want her in particular and others can visit then you could try telling your hubby on the day to take the baby to her on his own, that way you can have a sleep! Tell him you just dont feel up to a visit at the moment. She may be different when its just her and her son, also she might like some time alone with him.

Answer 5

I went through the EXACT same thing with my husband...except it wasn't only his mother, it was his two sisters also!! No woman should be expected to entertain or do anything that would make her uncomfortable so soon after delivering a child, no matter what ANYONE says. On how good terms are you with his mother? If you are on decent terms with her, nicely explain that she has a whole lifetime to be part of the child's life, and that you and your husband just want a week to bond exclusively with the baby while you recover and settle into motherhood. A one bedroom apartment is no place for your mother in law to set up shop. Ultimately, the best way to get through to a problem mother in law is by talking to her yourself. Your husband may never see her in the same light as you do and you may be disappointed if you rely on him to stand up to her.

Answer 6

Why can't you tell him just like that? There are pros and cons to having someone else there with you. I had to have surgery, so my mom was a Godsend because she cooked, did laundry, and did all of the grocery shopping. BUT...she felt like she should hold the baby all of the time because she would be leaving in two weeks and I missed out on my time to bond with my son.

The most important thing right now is that you are comfortable. If your MIL is getting on your nerves and stressing you out, it will only making a stressful situation (like becoming a mom and dealing with the hormones that follow childbirth) even worse. Just tell him to tell his mom (because it should not be put on your shoulders) that you want some time alone with your baby. It's your right, and you'll never get those moments back again.

Answer 7

The easiest way and not hurt anyones feelings is to explain to him that you want and need bonding time with the baby. Also explain to him that you and the baby will need a little time to adjust. The baby will love to have you all to its self for at least a week. Plus you will want sometime to let your body heal and adjust from the shock of giving birth. I would hope that your husband and mother-in-law could understand that and give you that much needed time to yourself with your baby. Good luck

Answer 8

Simply tell him that you're going to need time to adjust after giving birth and would rather wait at least a week before you have guests, because even though she's your mother - in -law you still need to be hospitable and you'll be in no shape to do so, so close after the delivery.
Plus the three of you need to adjust to being a famiy...it's really hectic and crazy the first two weeks, just be honest in saying that having her around will just be too much for you.

Answer 9

Im sure (like mine) that he really is trying to make it better for you thinking that she'll be around to help. You need to sit him down with that knowledge, and not hurt his feelings. You need to make it clear that you understand his intentions and you know that he thinks it will make it easier, but that you would really like to get through the pregnancy and have the baby in your home for at least a few days before ANY "overnight" visitors come. Make sure you dont say "your mom" but that you keep it in the whole general catagory. Let him know that at this point your nervous as it is, and you want to get a feel for it on your own before your afraid of your actions in front of someone else too. Good luck!

Answer 10

Just let him know that you're already emotionally taxed enough as it is, and you cant handle more people in the apartment, especially when the baby is so brand new.

Let him know he's married to you, and not his mother and he should be more concerned about your feelings and needs than his mothers, If he cant see it that way then you can take the baby and stay a few weeks at your parents until you're ready for grandma.