►► Can you write an amusing little story that includes these silly phrases?

Question

1. I pity the fool.
2. Were you not issued a rule book?
3. Don't tempt me, babe.
4. When you say 'quagmire with no exit strategy,' you're talking about our relationship, right?
5. Let's see.... A refrigerator filled with soy sauce packets, Diet Pepsi and yogurt that has blue stuff floating on top.
6. Yeah, right. Smell ya later.

BONUS PHRASE: My cross to bear.

Answer 1

hahaha, thanks!
True Story, with so much edited for the sake of brevity and space, not to mention to save ya'll from boredom!:

My first husband. I PITY THE FOOL. What a fiasco - that so-called marriage. I met him in law school, he was so handsome and charming and tall...and smart. He'd light candles when I'd visit, and show me his book collection. I inhaled his essence as though he were life's breath itself.

We woke one Tuesday morning in his Sunbird, an empty bottle of Jaigermeister between the seats, and spent cigars in the tray.
"Let's get married today." he announced, as we squinted, turning toward the sound of leather heels on the pavement headed towards... work? I had a presentation in Scientific Evidence due the following day, which was 24% ready.
"Sure, let's do it!" I agreed wholeheartedly!
"You're not laughing!" he asked, eyebrows raised.
"Don't tempt me babe, you know better than that by now, NEVER tempt ME babe!" I replied, wicked grin invading my still half-asleep visage.

He phoned a Judge with whom he'd interned, and the deed was done that very afternoon, an amazing feat considering the red tape we had to cut through, with our red-eyed hangovers. We sped to my parents' to announce the great news that evening. My mother took one look at Pete and said
"You'd better faasstteennnn yourrr ssseatbelt, mister!" as my father toasted with champaign he kept chilled for every...or should I say any, occasion.

Months later, after I'd passed the bar while Pete continued his "studies" I'd commuted and slaved in Manhattan, and returned home to ... Let's see... a refrigerator filled with soy sauce packets, Diet Pepsi, beer, and yogurt that had blue stuff floating on top.
"Yeah, right. Smell ya later." I'd growl, slamming the door shut. Where was my dinner? I paid the rent, supported this slob, so where was the quid pro quo that I'd learned about in law school? I headed for the living room, but stopped short at its entry.
"My mother was right about you...GAWD!" I gasped as I weaved my way through empty beer bottles, chicken bones and pizza boxes strewn about the carpet. He'd removed the mattress from the bed and placed it in the middle of the living room so he could watch T.V. more comfortably, further complicating the obstacle course. I traversed to the closet, kicked off my pumps, tore off my suit, furious with myself for being SO stupid.

Later that evening, his mother came to visit and I overheard his conversation. I saw her glance at me pitifully. After she'd left, I confronted him..."when you say 'quagmire with no exit strategy', you're talking about our 'relationship', right? Because there's no way you can call it a marriage! This is a flop house for you, nothing more! God, how old ARE you anyway??? They say it's never too late to get your life straightened out....'THEY' never met YOU! Even your father gave me a red badge of courage for this so called honor!" [nyuk, not true].

Pete strode over to the sink, piled high by dishes he'd used, and decided to wash them in his own special way. He peed all over them, looking back at me over his shoulder and laughing devilishly.
"Ok," I admitted to myself, "Were you not issued a rule book?" Then I realized there was no rule book. But, I should have at least allowed myself an opportunity to really find out who this guy was...before marrying him. Well, it's in the past, and I'm the smarter for it. It's never really been MY cross to bear!
15 months later I met my current husband, and knew I'd marry him after 2 hours. Did I learn? Well, we are still here... 5.5 years and counting. Not so bad, for love again at first sight!

And no hard feelings Pete! You were indeed a piece of work.

Answer 2

Yes I can.