Divorced parents, but need to talk to my dad (and not his wife)?

Question

My mom and dad are divorced, my dad remarried about 10 years ago. His new wife is nothing but nice, but never was a mother in any facet to me (not that I needed or expected her to; I was already well into my teens). I have some stuff I'd like to talk to my dad about, some semi-serious stuff, but have thus far been reluctant because I feel it's his obligation to share with his wife, but I'd rather he didn't. Part of me thinks I'm being too proud and selfish by hoping for a little confidentiality, but the other half of me says I have a right to ask for this on occasion, an issue discussed between just MY dad and me.

Any thoughts?

Answer 1

Simply ask him if he would be willing to keep things confidential. There's nothing wrong in this request. He may or may not agree to it - it is up to you to ask up-front.

Answer 2

I'm not sure of how old you are, but it seems to me that if they have been married 10yrs no matter how much you ask he will share with his wife. She is his friend, and might help him with advice with your situation. Anyway keep working on the confidentiality issue with him. Try suggesting a father/son outing together. Father/son talk only.
Don't feel overwhelmed with the situation. She's not a bad person unless she goes and talks about you behind your back and your dad is not aware.

Answer 3

Explain to your dad that you would like to communicate with him in confidentiality. Express to him specifically that you would prefer that he not share any of this information with his wife. Ask him whether he's capable of keeping parts of his relationship with you confidential. It is NOT his obligation to share what you speak to him in confidence about. However, if it's a money issue or some issue that would involve her in an indirect or direct manner, it can be hard for him not to share with her. You do have a right to expect confidentiality from your dad, however keep in mind, just depending on what your "stuff" is about he may speak with his wife.

Answer 4

As a step-mother, I totally understand that my step-children have/and will have some serious, confidential conversations with their father. I usually will only ask "is everything ok?", and if it is something he feels he should share, he will. I never ask what it is about. My feelings are never hurt, nor do I feel left out. I think it is very appropriate to expect and have this confidential conversation with your father. I wish you the best with it, and hope it turns out acceptable for you.

Answer 5

Well my answer was going to be different until i read your question in full. you sound very respectful and kind.. I think (depending on what you need to talk about) Its going to be very hard for him not to talk to her.. If its very serious he may need her support in order to give you support... They are a team.. If its just this one time youre asking for the confidentiality, you explaine that to your dad and if he needs to talk to his wife then maybe he can be vague.. Obviously you understand his need to share it with her, but if you can really convince him to keep it between you two, just this once and you explaine that you do understand his obligation to her but you need to be promised he wont share, then im sure he will understand.. Or he will do his best to talk to her about it without actually giving away the details... I think its up to him...You sound like an adult so i think he will repect your request.. good luck

Answer 6

you have every right to be able to talk to your dad one on one w/o having to worry about your step-mom and i'll bet they'd both be more than happy to oblige you. you said she's a nice woman so i doubt she'd have a problem with this. she knows you're is daughter and you will have special things between you. he is not obligated to tell her anything just b/c they are married unless it concerns a large sum of money or something similar. couples have to discuss those things.but don't let that stop you. he's your dad and he loves you.don't worry. this isn't a big deal at all. just give him a call and invite him for coffee to talk. you'll do fine.

Answer 7

sometimes new better halves are jealous of the greater youthful daughter. attempt and talk along with her in front of father see how she would be able to react. If she all honey, she's hypocrite. Your dad is meant to maintain you first earlier his new spouse. talk with him returned without like the ole time and do issues you utilize to. with regard to the spouse, stay very calm, and pay attention intently and seem on the eyes. it is mature. write down the excellent situation without lacking the way it got here approximately then; tell him the appropriate situations, what you have been doing, what area of the domicile you have been, what you have been speaking approximately, what you reported that she informed you 'you have been a spoiled brat,' and how she got here approximately telling you she do in comparison to you. do no longer upload you dislike her, save it for your self for now. additionally has she informed you why she do in comparison to you, if no longer ask her on a similar time as dad is there, yet slightly away so he will pay attention, the excuses why, in spite of everything you at the instant are not in opposition along with her, you do no longer decide for to be his female buddy, you are the toddler. She's have already got the spot. Did you ever insult her, or perhaps attempt and denied, her roll your eyes. and characteristic you been a brat. i will see which you and pa have been loving without no person in between, so, you filial love replaced into very sturdy, and he or she sensed it, and don't like it. comprehend that once there replaced into purely the two one in each of you, you have been closer, so it hurts you at present that there is yet another individual for dad. yet he will constantly love you better than her. He might anticipate you to communicate to him in inner maximum, possibly ask for forgiveness. She talk with him in an evil way approximately you. So he do in comparison to what you supposedly accomplished. Manipulation. i've got confidence for you, attempt to approch your dad, he's the single to get. stable luck.

Answer 8

You have every right to expect some privacy with your father. My dad and I had stuff we talked about that didn't include my step mom. We even went out to breakfast every Saturday to talk. Just us. I loved her and she knew that, but she also realized that my father and I needed "our" time together too. She was fine with it. Just ask your dad if you can talk to him about something private for only his ears. Most dad's understand that is needed sometimes.
(unless it's to borrow a large sum of money, then he should discuss it with her first)

Answer 9

I don't think you should have any problem's asking that of your dad. Just talk to him in private and tell him that you want to have a talk with him about some things that you want to keep just between the two of you. Let him know that even though you like your step mother there are things that you want to talk about with him that you would prefer he not talk with her about. It's not selfish to want to keep certain things about your life to a select group of people close to you.

Answer 10

You have every right to speak just to your dad and to have him keep it between just you and him. He would have no right to bring his wife into the picture if it does not include her to begin with.