In the search for love
I became hated
In the search of happiness
I found sadness
In the search of life
Death came so close
When I realized it
It was late
When I thought about it
I was scared
Fear cripples the soul
The dices were against me
Defeated indeed
Hide, is what thy shall do
Blinded was I
Thinking that thorns had roses
The truth is that
The rose had thorns
2007-09-05 10:27:22 · 6 answers · asked by chinaharrish 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
quite captivating poem especially for these lines
Blinded was I
Thinking that thorns had roses
The truth is that
The rose had thorns
2007-09-08 22:51:24 · answer #1 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This line has something wrong with it
"Hide, is what thy shall do"
"Thy" is the possessive, "thou shalt" Is the subjective.
I also am not fond of the line "I was scared" I personally prefer afraid there.
Also you need to use "I was blinded" to go along with the pattern of "I was scared" and "I found sadness," etc.
With a little working over, it is an excellent poem.
2007-09-05 10:49:56 · answer #2 · answered by Gma Joan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like this poem a lot, the premise of it... it's gonna' go places if you work on it a bit more. You'll have to watch your prepositions...match them up to the first one. And the tense changed in the poem--always distracting and not-so-hot. And what's the "thy"... oooh, a reference to Eden, huh? Kind of obscure amongst the rest.
Well, you'll manage to pull it together. Sounds like you're a poet to me! good luck
2007-09-05 10:34:10 · answer #3 · answered by LK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't really know what the question is here, but I enjoyed reading the poem.
2007-09-05 10:32:27 · answer #4 · answered by Lola+Baby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
nice poem
2007-09-05 10:35:46 · answer #5 · answered by John C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i enjoyed that poem.
Still don't get the question though.
update: wow did you write that?
2007-09-05 10:35:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋