I KNOW I'm doing something wrong when many of my "friends" in grad school where trying to tear me down. And..i didn't get invited to one friends wedding when she invited everyone else.
I'm just scared of losing myself I suppose, I really don't mean to come across that way but apparently I do. Now, I want to be a better friend...Does this mean I have to hide who I am? Downplay my successes and dreams...constantly? I don't know how to go about it!
Thanks :)
2007-09-05 10:01:28 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
*stop sorry
2007-09-05 10:01:51 · update #1
But I also have alot of friends who really like me for who I am!
2007-09-05 10:02:23 · update #2
maybe you just haven't found the right friends. You should be proud of everything you accomplish and if they were your friends then they would be proud of you too, not angry that you told them about it. If they have already decided as a group that they don't want you as their friend then it is best to just let them go. Find new friends, or even just one really good friend....thats all most people really need anyway. Try to remember that there will always be people coming in and out of your life. When they have served their purpose, they will leave. Let them go...you don't need them anymore.
2007-09-05 10:14:52 · answer #1 · answered by taylor p 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you trying to impress those that are with you in grad school? Do you constantly talk about how well you're doing and what your chances of getting into your chosen field? You have to remember that you're not the only smart person in school and that you're not the only one doing well. Why don't you focus on someone else instead of your self? As much as we think that we're important we aren't that important to most of the other people that we know. May be it's time to realize that life isn't all about you and that other people think that they are just as important and smart as you think that you are.
Maybe with friends that you've know longer you feel the need to let them know how smart and successful you are. That might be the difference.
2007-09-05 17:17:39 · answer #2 · answered by Kathryn R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I noticed that I always talked about myself to my friends, hardly letting them get a word in edgewise. I noticed how bored they looked when I told all my silly stories. So now I force myself to ask each of my friends one question about themselves once per day, and even if I'm bursting at the seams to interrupt or say my piece, I let them finish their story and don't say anything about myself. I also try to minimize how many stories I tell about myself--only say the really good ones so they aren't always bored by what I say. After a few months I felt like my friends liked me better and I felt better about myself. It took some discipline but now it is second nature not to talk about myself all the time and I'm a better listener!
2007-09-05 17:09:43 · answer #3 · answered by ♫ Sweet Honesty ♫ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I remember watching a Dr Phil show where this lady said that people feel threatened by her and that she can't help she's successful.
His advice to her was. When you walk into a room, think: I'm here. You're here.
Nothing wrong with loving yourself and being ambitious. Try to make the same effort with your friends.
If they don't want to accept you at all, you should play it cool and do your own thing.
Ask yourself: Are they good friends?
2007-09-05 17:41:49 · answer #4 · answered by Marita 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you want people to notice you and your accomplishments, you have to notice them and their accomplishments. In other words to have a good friend, be a good friend. How do you define a good friend? Someone who listens to you? Someone who is happy about your success? Someone who shows they enjoy time spent with you? Guess what? you need to do that if you want it done for you. Listen, be happy for them, show them you are happy to be with them.....then maybe they will show you the same. You don't have to hide anything, but you need to be a whole lot less absorbed in yourself, and much more concerned with others. So, smile alot, make good eye contact...ask them leading questions and LISTEN to thier answers....wait for them to ask you what is going on in your life, don't just start spilling the beans all the time. "losing yourself", that is total nonsense, you are the only one occupying your skull, you can't lose yourself, if you wanted to, you couldn't do that. But really, to have a friend, you have to BE a friend.
2007-09-05 17:22:54 · answer #5 · answered by essentiallysolo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your friends can't accept you for being you, than change your social network. But then again, change is good if you know what is bothering them. But again, its up to you to change, not anyone else. If you feel that you want to change to be better, than that is your perogative, but don't change because friends want you to.
If you have a best friend to confide in, tell them your problem, a true friend would be straight out honest.
2007-09-05 17:11:00 · answer #6 · answered by Dragonspyke 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can't please all of the people all of the time. And not every body in this world is always going to like you all of the time.
Are you as interested in other peoples interests as well, Are you a good listener???
2007-09-09 14:30:18 · answer #7 · answered by jenny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋