i am 22 years old muslim guy living in usa and this girl she is soon turning 22 living in bangladesh. we really love each other, but our situation brought us somewhere , that we cant even imagine now what to do. she is getting married iwth someone else in less than one week. i dont know right now what to do. we talked yesterday and i think thats the last time probably we can talked. she tried to explain her parents but they didnt listen to her, because everything was set with the other guy. i dont know what to do. we talked yesterday and she was crying badly. telling me everyone has been invited, everyone knows now that she is getting married to someone. and if something happens, such as if we elope it will hurt her parents and its involve with their respect as well, but she cant live without me thats for sure, plz guys tell me what can i do. since we cant contact anymore, and even if i go to bangladesh , just by me what can i do. god plz tell me, plz give me ur best thoughts,
2007-09-05 09:56:50 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I could not help but be insulted by some of the responses to this post. I was hoping that people are more open minded than that and do not just take what is given by the media. Islam is not a cruel or bad religion, but so many times people take its name and do what was originally in their non-Islamic culture....So whenever something bad is done we blame Islam. Why can't people understand that there are good and bad followers in every religion.
Now back to the question. Listen to me brother. I am a Muslim woman and my grandfather wanted me to marry his nephew. I refused. His decision had nothing to do with Islam, he is the head of the family and expects eveyone to obey. Do you know that that in Islam the marriage is not valid if she is does not agree? But what happens is that girls usually give up when cultural difficulties arise. Anyway, I refused to marry that guy and married another man who is the kindest man ever. Although my parents agree with me, my grandfather and all my family hate me for it. I don't care. I use my rights given to me by Islam to choose who I want to marry. One Muslim girl went to the Prophet and told him that her father wants her to marry a man she does not want and the Prophet cancelled the marriage. What you can do is tell your father about it, and try to find someone eg uncle in her family that might be on your side. Go to your country, and try to find a female relative who supports you. That girl can stay with her until she becomes your wife. Now, yes you will both have problems but it will be better than spending your life without each other. My final advice, make evey step Islamically correct. Find the female relative, find a male from her family who can support you and have a sheikh write you an authentic marriage certificate. By this you show her parents that you are a good Mulism who loves their daughter. My grandfather was against me, but when my husband took me to hajj, he started changing his views.
One final thing, to all Muslims out there...be very careful with what you do in front of non-Muslims. Many of them don't know about Islam, and its very interesting to them when something bad is done by a Muslim...this proves that Islam and Muslims are bad bad bad...
2007-09-05 10:39:22 · answer #1 · answered by mandm 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, Honey, I'm so sorry for you! I wish I could tell you what to do, if it was an American girl it would be easy, but your culture is so different from ours. I would say she needs to defy her parents and be with you, not live with an arranged marriage. It's her life. I think you know she will not do that b/c of your culture and heritage. She will not want to cause shame to her family. I think she will need to decide ASAP if she would rather face a lifetime without you or risk shaming her family. I good friend of mine was in your situation and she decided shaming her family was the lesser evil and she married the man she loved instead of going through with the arranged marriage. Her family still does not speak to her, but she knows she made the right decision and just had a beautiful baby. Your girl needs to decide if she wants to have her own life and her own mind or just follow outdated traditions that are no longer relevant to our world. I hope she decides to choose you, but she has to choose. By refusing to go against her parents she could be dooming herself to a life of misery and heartache. Good luck and all the best!
2007-09-05 10:07:04 · answer #2 · answered by mamak2327 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guess you don't have anywhere in the nuptials, "is there anyone here that objects", huh? Don't know. I'll never understand your dictator culture. Maybe you should ask in a different post where your people can tell you what to do. Americans don't get why she just doesn't marry. It's her life; her choice. You place too much emphasis on pleasing everyone else and living miserably. Good luck.
2007-09-05 10:04:11 · answer #3 · answered by ron-D 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Can't say I know marriage traditions in Bangladesh but here she has a choice and if she doesn't want to marry him she will say No, I do not take him as my husband.
2007-09-05 10:06:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not dying- you're simply overreacting.
There are millions of women on this planet.
Find another one.
..preferably one who lives in the same hemisphere as you do.
2007-09-05 10:33:34 · answer #5 · answered by wrdsmth495 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is what happens when you are bride and a prize at the same time.
2007-09-05 10:05:12 · answer #6 · answered by kittykatsback 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I just love a good fairy tale!
I Don't think Disney will buy it, though!
2007-09-05 10:02:55 · answer #7 · answered by skaizun 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋