Why in the world would she want to stay with me?

Question

Our relationship , in my view, is utterly destroyed due to her alcoholism, depression, suicide attempts. Please don't judge us, I know it takes two to tango. I had affairs, turned into a workaholic, was un-supportive of her and generally hardheaded. Now we are finally at the end of a nasty divorce and she is laying the guilt on thick. She say's she's a changed woman but I don't see it. She claims I am abandoning her but I think we left each other a long time ago. She seems to think that I should automatically be totally in love with her, after all this time and thru all the ugly things, now that she has quit drinking. It goes on and on and it's driving me crazy.

Why would she want to stay with me and how can I get her to quit bothering me with text messages and the like?

Answer 1

Quit answering her messages or change your service or number.

Answer 2

I don't think you can to be honest.
The best is to change your phone number.
She's bitter and if she now holds to the fact that you're the one responsible for that, then you won't get any peace from her, so don't expect to reason with her.
The best is for you to move on and look in the opposite direction.
It's a shame that it came to this, since you must have loved each other at some point; But obviously you have nothing left to offer each other just now, so, just move on and let her be.
Don't try and reason with her. Change as many things as you can so that she can't bother you and stay away from her.

Answer 3

You both have been through allot together. Getting divorced is not a happy time. I am sure she is afraid to be alone and hates the thought of starting over in addition to her now thinking she quit drinking so therefore things should be OK.

If you had enough of the drama with her and want a divorce and truly want to be left alone. Just make it clear your done and have no intentions are working things out. Honesty is best regardless of how hurt she is. It would be worse to give false hope.

Answer 4

She may be so afraid of the uncertainties ahead that she looks past the failures and pains of your relationship. This is common with low self-esteem and depression.

I think what is most important is to be honest and decisive in what you say to her. I would suggest avoiding statements that could lead to arguments... "you this... you that... you always..." Instead, phrase your words to include feelings. When I say "I feel ____ or I believe ____" it's hard to argue with me. You may not understand why I feel a certain way but you can't tell me that I don't have that feeling or that I'm wrong.

Be consistent and clear and concise.

"I can't live with you any more because I feel that nothing significant has changed". "I don't believe we can make our relationship work because our past has been so painful to me and I don't see any long-term changes or improvements.
(I have been through a breakup similar to what you have described and found myself having to repeat and repeat and repeat until it finally sunk in. )

As for the calls and messages, ask her to stop this because it is interfering and disruptive to the other parts of your life. If she has any respect for you, she will. If she continues, that will be further signs of a broken or one-sided relationship that needs to end

Answer 5

Your wife is trying to get you back because of two reasons. Now that she is sober and has changed her ways, she realizes she truly loves you. And second, she is insecure to be on her own.

You cannot ignore her. If you did, it would just escalate and her persistence would grow stronger. You must stand your ground that married life between you is over. You don't have to get into a melodrama over it each time you talk to her, in fact, try to avoid it because that is what she craves.

Be firm, but gentle. And keep singing the same tune that it is over. It'll take some time, but eventually it will register with her. You just have to be patient.

Answer 6

She has finally realized that she has lost you and will try everything to get you back. You both have had a lot of hurt from each other and sounds like you both need to start over and maybe in the future you can make something of it. Sounds like you have really had it bad, so tell her your through, need a break, and to leave you alone. Tell her if she doesn't quite bothering you, you will file harrassment charges on her. Talk with your lawyer and see what they can advise. Good luck to you in your divorce.

Answer 7

Sometimes the evil that you know is less scary than the evil that you do not know. In other words, she is so afraid of change that she considers being miserable to be better than being alone. Women crave emotional security and closeness more then men do.

And she probably figures that since you have been through so much together, and since you have invested so much time already, then you might as well stick it out and make something out of it.

Answer 8

Maybe through all of the mess you two have gone through, she sees the person she fell in love with. Maybe, she thinks you care or you would of walked out on her along time ago. If you both love each other still, look into a marriage counselor. At one point in time of your lives you did love each other otherwise you wouldn't have gotten married. You both need to shovel off all the *hit that has landed on you both. Good-luck.


for better or worse in sickness and in health...........................

Answer 9

she's scared. Despite all the mess, its comfortable and certain. Now she has no idea what her future holds and with the addictions and depression, its frightening.

Don't give her false hope, but do let her know that she needs to take it all one day at a time and she needs to learn how to be in a nurturing relationship.

Answer 10

Tell her one last time that you don't love her or want her any more and to go on without you. Tell her to stop bothering you and that she is getting on your nerve. Don't talk to her anymore.Don't answer her messages any more. Hang up on her.