When you talk to me i go all warm a and fuzzy,
you make me come alive!
It makes me go all funny!
and i really want to hug you and kiss you to!
I'd do whatever you wanted cause i really love you!
Thats how i feel.... there is mor but hard 2 explain i wish i cld but dnt think my brain,
can strain!
2007-09-05 08:39:33 · 11 answers · asked by Katja ie tattybow 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
This makes me go all nauseous.
Please block me. I don't want to risk reading one of these again.
2007-09-05 08:49:05 · answer #1 · answered by Ronnie 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You've seen the other comments...and these are from people who are not considered "mean". What did you do wrong? Well, you made the same mistakes many new poets do. Also, you made the spelling and grammar mistakes that are common in someone in their teens...plus the biggest mistake you could make: NEVER use a "2" when you mean "to"...you will almost always get negative feedback when you say you want to write poetry and then fail to give the words the respect they deserve. "cld" instead of "could", "dnt" instead of "didn't" or "don't"...This is not "texting" forum, it's poetry! How much more difficult is it to type "to" than "2"? It isn't "cute" or "clever", it's offensive...and you've seen enough feedback to realize that I'm not the only one who feels that way. So, that's been said, let's move on.
When writing poetry, you have to be very careful of what words you use and how you use them. You added an extra "a" after "warm"...why? Was it a typo? If so, you should have caught it when you went back to edit your poem after you wrote it. If you did more than one edit and missed it, okay, fair enough, now you see it so you can remove it.
It isn't that your poem was too "rhymy", because most of it doesn't really rhyme at all. The problem is that you started out as if you were going to write a poem, then got tired and just ended it in prose (normal writing). If you just ran your lines back to back, it would sound like a letter you wrote to someone...that means it's prose. Think about it...you desribed what you felt...you "told" us...but you didn't "show" us. You didn't create an image we could share, you just told us how you felt...and that is not poetry...it's prose.
Don't give up...read some poetry to get a feel for how the poet shows, how concepts and images are put into words that are more than the sum of their parts...then try writing another poem.
Good poetry doesn't come easy, but the more you try the better you'll become...so keep writing
2007-09-09 06:29:13 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is magnificent! they might use that for the time of a movie script or something! you have a actual skills and additionally be certain you seem at publishing or something. besides the reality that the form you're saying brown two times interior the 1st line annoys me, id purely save on with the 2d. this poem is magnificent although nicely accomplished
2016-10-10 00:35:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol cute
but you need work in the flowing parts of the poem, and don't use commonly used phrases and words like, "warm and fuzzy"
i think its time you take it up a level
good luck, keep writing
2007-09-05 11:10:23 · answer #4 · answered by sky? 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Check your spelling, punctuation and grammar (do not use abbreviations or 'buzz' words). Give it a title.
Your sentiments are beautiful, now give them more credibility by showing your literary skills.
2007-09-05 08:52:52 · answer #5 · answered by Pixie 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
the ending needs work.
The rest well it sounds like the way a little kid would describe love. it needs a lot of work.
Keep Writting!
2007-09-05 17:25:51 · answer #6 · answered by Sh00ting_St@r! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a poem of love little friend? the best kind! you dont let the brain rule you in love, you let your heart. take care paulie.
2007-09-05 09:46:07 · answer #7 · answered by truluv exists! 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
nice sentiment, but I am an incurable romantic.
poetry needs serious work, look closely and try again. I know you can do better, I seen it.
2007-09-05 08:49:04 · answer #8 · answered by Dondi 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you really want to know what I think of it? (you don't say what your question is).
On second thoughts, I'd rather not tell you.
2007-09-05 08:45:17 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Annabella-VInylist 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
sorry, but it's horrible! not all poems need to rhyme. keep working on it.
2007-09-05 08:48:57 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋