They have been fighting alot lately about his lying. She has gotten so mad at him and has slapped him on the face about 3 times. We have always felt she had anger management issues and have tired to get her help. She's over 18 so we can't force her to get help. Neither her father or I have ever hit each other or spanked or hit our kids. I feel that if they continue this relationship the violence will just escalate. It's pretty frightening neither set of parents wants them together but they believe they are in love and want to get married after dating for 4 months. Thank goodness she leaves for school in two days. Any ideas on how to handle this problem. I feel that until she knows why she does this it'll never stop. I'm afraid if she were ever to have children she'd hit them. We have always felt the relationship was dysfunctional, they both have slowly stopped hanging out with anyone but each other. She sometimes does the victim talk"its all my fault we fight" what 2 do?
2007-09-05 08:33:28 · 32 answers · asked by Carolina 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I would have beat her butt years ago!
That is the problem
Now the solution is a dose of her own medicine!
2007-09-05 08:36:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sit down and talk to her about it. Try to get her into some counseling. It will only work though if she accepts that she has a problem and needs the help. You have every right to be concerned, however she's an adult so you can only do so much. Let her know you don't believe in violence and it will not be allowed. If it happens at your house, call the cops. Think about it, if it were the other way around you would probably have no problem intervening or calling the cops. Its only fair that you show the same respect for the guy involved. Don't allow her the excuses to continue the behavior. Tell her she is 100% in control of her reactions to things, and that no excuse is enough to justify violence. The more direct and on track you can be with the conversation, the better it will turn out. Don't allow her to take another path to get on another issue to avoid accountability.
2007-09-05 08:39:02 · answer #2 · answered by Sweetness 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok phone the boyfriends mum and explain to her how you feel and tell that if her and her son does not return your daughter to you by the next morning your phoning the police. And make sure your daughter knows this and what they can be prosectucted for. if she really loves him she will come back home. if she doesnt call the police. i dont know how this works in america but in the UK you can have people sectioned for 21 days (put them in a phyicatric hospital) and she has been threatening to kill herself. If you cant do that take to a part of the state where alot of runaways are and show them to her! tell her 'you'll end up like this if you do keep running away' 15 yr olds dont listen to what adults say but showing it to her amy have some kind of effect. all the best for you and your daughter L x
2016-05-17 11:11:20 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree w/ the others .So , now you have a problem . Here's your answer ,if you see her hit him again you call the police and report it .It will be a class B misdemeanor, Jail and leave her there so she can think about her behavior .if you don't bail her out she can get a court appoint attorney . free .it's a small fine. but she will have to learn. Tough Love, If you cave in .She wins. Do this instead, of her really hurting him and ending up in prison.
I spank my kids. my 18 yr old son has never hit a woman and never will. Same for the 5 other kids.
2007-09-05 08:54:26 · answer #4 · answered by TCC Revolution 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take her into counseling all together. You and your husband, her boyfriend, and her bf's parents. Just tell her that you are all going out to eat or something. Anything to get her there. Hopefully she will go ahead and go through with it. Or you could first try to get everyone together and talk it out between you all. If after only four months, and she is already doing this to him, then something definitely needs to be done to stop this. Why does he put up with it? Maybe if he threatened to leave her, then possibly she will get the hint that she is messing up her life and relationships. If it continues, one of these days, she will do it to someone who will hit her back. It has to be stopped one way or another. Even if he has to press charges against her once or twice.
2007-09-05 08:46:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow that's actually very serious, especially now that she is 18.
I would not be to afraid of them continuing this relationship. I have had plenty of friends around that age that were in abusive relationships,after a while the person being brutalized usually smartens up and leaves.
but for your daughter the situation is serious. No you can't force her to do anything legally, but you can make her by cutting her off. Basically explain that if she does not seek help or get treatment that you will not support her in any way.
it is rough but the alternative is her possibly getting arrested for domestic violence.
honestly if you think she is a threat or can harm some one you need to act.
No she is not a child and you can't run her life but you better make it clear to her acting like this now has very adult consequences.
Best of luck to you.
2007-09-05 08:44:39 · answer #6 · answered by Stone K 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, you should try to talk to it more and more with her, becasue one day she might be in the same kind of situation and hit the wrong guy who out of reaction will hit her back and then he'll get into some sort of trouble when all he was doing was defending himself.. this had happend to my step uncles moms cousin. confusing but yeah. Try to talk more and more about it to her. Cause once she does it, and she might think its a way to show her hurt and anger. But its not a good way. and also say they do have kids, if she doesn't hit them which i mean maybe if there bad you know a swat isnt bad, i mean not a beatin you know. But her boyfriend and she, might get into a fight and she may smack him and if the kids see that, (if in the near future they have kids) see that then they will think its okay to do so.
2007-09-05 08:49:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to relax, dont worry about her hitting her own children--she hasnt even had any yet. when she is off to school-she will meet someone else. and the hitting, well sometimes when one gets so upset a hand may fly, if they are punching or hitting with objects or he is hitting her then i would worry. she does have some issues, but she is only 18.
also, if both set of parents tell them, i dont want you to see him/her that is only going to make them want to be together more. give it sometime, try using the reverse psycology (spelled wrong!) on her. welcome the bf, talk positively about him, invite him over for dinner, etc. then she may look at him differently..... worth a try
2007-09-05 08:46:57 · answer #8 · answered by WILDFIREJOANN 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
see if u can get her to call a domestic violence hotline they will help her realize that she has a problem counselling is good too she needs to find out what makes her so angry get help before one of them ends up dead the boyfriend needs to realize he is being abused too most men wont admit to it also there really isnt much u can do she is 18 and can do what she wants they are both victims here good luck
2007-09-05 08:39:40 · answer #9 · answered by rhodeislandbornandraised 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What are you talking about?!!!!!!!!!!!! You are still her parent!!!! What..........does Sher have respect for you? Are you saying that your own child won't listen to you? Give her angry butt some tough love. That's no way to treat another human being!!!!!! I'm a survivor of domestic violence, and I thank God that I got ALIVE!!!!! Some PEOPLE don't!!!! I advise you to snip it in the bud before it gets out of control. believe me.........it can! 3 broken bones around my left eye. lost the vision in it for 6 months, a crack pelvis, a broken arm,broken leg. 5 teeth knock out. 11 days in I.C.U. I hope you get the picture.
2007-09-05 08:48:00 · answer #10 · answered by colanda_18 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see a lot of answers here laying blame on the daughter. I see a few advising the boyfriend "strike back". I can't personally agree with any of them. It seems fairly cut & dry to me: She started slapping him across the face as he continued to lie to her. She's not punching, kicking, biting, flailing or (god help us) shooting--she's slapping him open-handed across the face because he is lying to her. "Dysfunctional" does not even begin to describe the situation. I personally do not see the problem with one partner slapping the other across the face when the other persistently lies to them. Violence, generally speaking, is never the answer...but sometimes a good slap across the face is just the right thing to do.
2007-09-05 08:45:50 · answer #11 · answered by TARDIS_Junkie 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋