So i'm 21 years old, got married whe i was 18. He went to the Military and asked me to marry him and i was supposed to go live with him, well, i never did. So now he's finally home from his 4 years of active duty and we are finally living together for the first time and we've been married for 3 1/2 years. We dont have anything in common (he drinks, i dont, he bowls, i dont, he LOVES sports, i hate them), we never really have conversations and when i try to have alone time with him (go out to eat) all we do is argue. Please, i dont want to waist my life away being in a failing marriage, what should we do?
2007-09-05 08:29:08 · 20 answers · asked by Curious Girl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We dont have kids and our sex life is very boaring.
2007-09-05 08:44:00 · update #1
You two need some counseling.
Go to your military base and get some help through the Family Support Center. There are counselors there that can help out.
And for the record, you should TRY at least to find some common ground. START being interested in sports or bowling or fishing or whatever. You never know...you might find yourself liking it - in spite of yourself!
2007-09-05 08:34:34 · answer #1 · answered by Brutally Honest 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Well it seems like maybe you two should take a step back and become friends again. Also, there is the something I don't understand, why didn't you move with him. That could be part of it, he really needed you to be with him for support. And seriously will it kill you to go bowling with him or watch a game on TV, marriage is about compromise and commitment. You are very young, but it can work out, I was 22 when I was married and it has worked for me. Get to the root of the issue and don't make the small stuff out to be more than it is. Take the first step and see how it goes.
2007-09-05 15:44:36 · answer #2 · answered by Vegas 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I guess you should do what you were supposed to before getting married: get to know each other.
It would be easy to say to you to get away now, but somehow, even an older couple would have a difficult time to readjust to each other after being apart for so long.
So, before throwing the towel, it would be worth it to try and rediscover what you saw in him the first time. There must have been something, although you were young and not thinking straight.
So, you two should try and find more about each other.
So, instead of nagging about what you don't like about him, try and find what you did like and could still like; Make an effort to attract him again.
Besides, after being in the army for so long, he might take him some time himself to adjust to the civil life. So, give yourselves some time and try and find things that you two could enjoy together.
2007-09-05 15:44:00 · answer #3 · answered by Kc 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He probably carries some resentment over not going with him for those years.
Try to remember something. It's the similarities and the things we have in common that bring us together, it's the differences that can keep us together.
There has to be common ground for the two of you. Find it and find it as fast as you can. Next, open up to him. Admit where you were wrong on things, such as not going to live with him when he went in the service. Being apart for so long can make someone feel like they aren't married, then you have a long road ahead of you to regain what was lost.
Keep trying to fix this. Be as understanding as possible, be kind, and remember that as you've made mistakes, he will also.
Good luck to you. I hope you can fix it.
2007-09-05 15:43:39 · answer #4 · answered by wentfishing2 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, first stop calling it a "failing" marriage. It's just a wonderful baby marriage. Oh the young....
Since you two haven't had much time together and given your age, it doesn't sound like you've had much time dating (getting to know one another) either. However, you need to do some major catchup now.
Go back to why you married him in the first place. Here are the things you have in common. Make sure these reasons are sound and build from there.
I believe all married people should work it out until ALL avenues have been exhausted.
Please, please, please... don't have any children since you're marriage is so young.
2007-09-05 15:48:22 · answer #5 · answered by Vitiran 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you probably had nothing in common when you got married, but just because you had sex made you feel like marriage was the next step. I am guessing you don't have any kids together, so this is the right time to call it quites and move on.
2007-09-05 15:54:26 · answer #6 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You married young, but grew up apart from your husband. It sounds like you both just "grew up" apart from each other and in totally different directions. If you had been with him for all of those 3 1/2 years, maybe you would be close now. It sounds like the best thing to do would be to go your seperate ways as long as there are no children involved.
2007-09-05 15:40:42 · answer #7 · answered by kbear 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
yes it is failing for sure curious you would be smart to just end your marriage because it isnt right for you to be in a situation that isnt going any where dear and for the 3 1/2 years you where so dedicated and that isnt any good either so you would be better off to get a divorce and then start over again and thank god you didnt have any children in a marriage that isnt going any where dear and it isnt going to help by putting up with the arguing that happens give me a shout in and email ok hon
2007-09-05 16:06:58 · answer #8 · answered by harold gardner1946 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you may be looking at having rushed into a relationship that wouldn't have lasted over time. 18 is young and you change so much in your 20's I would try councling maybe a weekend away to get to know eachother again but your life isnt over if you decide it won't work. Don't be afraid to admit that to yourself
2007-09-05 15:39:25 · answer #9 · answered by sarah W 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Im sure in the 4 years of being gone hes changed the military has a way of doing that. find what you fell in love with him try harder. and ask for help.
2007-09-05 15:38:05 · answer #10 · answered by asmerriett 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋