As hard as i try i cant seem to get girlfriends past behind me. She is open and has told me so much; some of?

Question

it is exciting to hear; then some wants me to ask every detail of her party single life. She is always bringing fun times up before we met ( parties, casual sex). Since I had very little of these experiances, it makes me feel like i've missed out. I'm newly divorced after boring long marriage. I'm sure its just insecurity on my part, but would like some advice on handling this topic when she brings it up about fun times earlier without me feeling like im asking more detail after detail?

Answer 1

STOP asking!

Answer 2

It is insecurity, but let me be honest - I have a similar problem. I love my husband and we have been married for 3 years. I know he was wild when he was younger, I get intrigued and ask questions then get upset and can't handle the answers. For me, I have this complex because my prior boyfriend of 7 years was my first, and I was his. Its insecurity and some low self-esteem that causes this. I am working on it, and you should too. Just tell yourself repetitive things like, that's the past, I love her now, and her past is not important. Those kind of mantras actually do work, especially if when you are alone you repeat them. You will feel stupid, but they help. I can relate to the other part you mentioned too about being in a long term relationship and feeling like you can't live up to the stories, or maybe haven't lived yet. My husband is older than I am, so at times I feel like maybe I settled too soon. He's a sweetheart though so no regrets about him personally. If you can't handle the truth, catch yourself, and bite your tongue. Tell her when you can't handle it, and re-direct the conversation away from it. I think its pretty normal under the situation. I'm here for you and feel for you. Its a battle I'm fighting myself. Don't let this issue ruin what's good with her now - easier said than done but avoid the whole discussions about that kind of stuff if its tearing you up or making you even more insecure. Good luck and you can email me sometime if it gets worse or you need some feedback.

Answer 3

i can tell you from experience what could very possibly happen.... ironically i am having an argument about something just like this!!! i have had some experiences in my life that were / are intriguing to the guy i am with... the problem is this... yes it was fun... no nothing more than internal shame negatively happened but .... now today... 10 + years later, he has never experienced some of the "wild" things i have done and doesn't understand why i won't do them with him... and first of all, i don't want to, not for any reason other than it was behavior i am not 100% proud of... of course we are fighting because he thinks i just don't love him enough...he can't seem to understand that it was at a time in my life when i had no real responsibilities and no children dependent on me to set a good example... so... it has brought hardship to my life by him knowing.... so, take my advice... be friends with her but don't date her or get romantically involved if you think she is a "certain" type person... she may have changed her way of thinking....

Answer 4

The best advice is to not ask about sexual relationships. If she does bring them up ask her to keep those particular details to a very minimum. We all have a past and that just is what it is. When she starts talking about hers think to yourself that is why she is the person she is today, the girl I love to be with.
In my case, I'd want to know if my girl slept with this guy we hang with but I don't want any details about it. I'm not the jealous type, not at all. I think knowing that they've been together, for me ,is more about the fact that she trusts me enough to tell me the truth.
Don't feel bad about your own past. You made a commitment to another person and there is nothing to be ashamed about with that. So what if you haven't partied as much as the girl you're dating. That isn't something she's going to hold against you.

Answer 5

It sounds to me like you're trying too hard. You need to be with a girl because you like her, not because you like the idea of having a girlfriend. Who cares if you haven't dated much? School takes precedence, and sometimes the right partner just isn't there. Just be yourself and someone will eventually come along who likes you for you. It could also be that your intentions are clear to girls: maybe they know that you're just lonely? A girl doesn't want to be asked out because the guy feels the need to have a girlfriend; no, she wants to be asked out because you fancy her, you think she's attractive both personality-wise and physically. If they don't think you're good enough for them, then it's the other way around. If they're shallow, then you shouldn't want them. And if they're self-conscious, then you'll probably have problems later on because they won't feel secure in your relationship. It could also be that you're being too hard on the girls you meet. They don't want to feel like they're being judged for a part. Maybe it isn't that girls aren't giving you a chance, but that you aren't giving them one. You don't need a girlfriend. You DO, however, need friends. No one ever has enough friends. Friends are appreciated. Women like to feel appreciated. Therefore, women want to be friends. How's that bit of logic for you? But really, just become friends and things will progress from there - how many movies are made and stories are written about best friends falling in love? A man and a woman can't be friends, according to "When Harry Met Sally", so try to be friends and something will likely happen.

Answer 6

If you are newly divorced, you probably have no business in a new relationship.

Did you ever hear of rebounding? Why are you going from one relationship to the next?

You need to take time to readjust to live and living, to grieve over the losses of your LONG BORING marriage, and to move on.

Moving on doesn't include a new girlfriend... especially one who is so needy she has to give every, little, intimate detail of her past out freely.

She's goofy, you're not taking care of yourself.

Answer 7

I would simply ask her to stop telling you about her past sexual exploits. Explain to her that you aren't mad about them and that you accept her past, but tell her that you are insecure about it and that it makes you feel bad to hear those stories. If she is a considerate girlfriend, she'll try not to talk about it. If she accidently brings it up, just change the subject and don't dwell on it. Work on creating some new sexual experiences together that she will want to talk about!

Answer 8

If you are feeling that way, I wouldn't let the relationship get too serious. If you just got divorced then you don't want to jump right back into a long term relationship with one person. Enjoy your freedom for a while.

BUT.. I can promise you one thing that you will see - you haven't really missed out on anything. :)

Good luck.

Answer 9

Look just tell her as much as you like to hear about the things she has done and you want to thank her for being so open but somethings are best left in the past.

Answer 10

There's nothing wrong with your reaction to her stories. First of all, anyone would probably feel like you do. Your feelings aren't wrong, its the fact that she runs her mouth so much about what she used to do is the problem. Tell her gently that you've heard enough and maybe she'll shut up about it. You can't change your past and neither can she. It doesn't help to throw it in eachothers faces.

Answer 11

But you are asking for detail after detail. You are living vicariously through her exploits. You want to do what she did, but you married early and not for long. Now you wish you had all kinds of tales to tell about your past...wicked things you did, the women you had, drunken nights you can barely remember, debauchery, drugs, and anything else you feel you missed out on.

Grow up.