My fiance has a twelve year old child he has been raising since the child was 3 years old. The mother occasionally sees the child and she has 2 other children from two separate fathers. My fiance does not have legal custody of him. Basically it was a mutual agreement. I understand she has other kids but birthdays and holidays come and go and she does nothing. Meanwhile, since he & I have been serious at least a year I finance all the costs. I have no problem with this at all, I feel it's my obligation as his parent/guardian but I feel society wants to crucify men who do not pay child support. Should this not apply to women as well? Is there anyway to legally bind her to pay something? We could use that to save for college for him someday. I do not propose that by her paying it absolves us of our responsibilites but it does help. Any advice?
2007-09-05 06:52:03 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He has to have custody in order to pursue child support from the court.
2007-09-05 06:56:38 · answer #1 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should consult with a family attorney to find out exactly what he's entitled to. If he has a good lawyer and can prove that the child has been living with him all this time and has been cared for, then he should have no problem getting full custody and claiming child support. He may even have a case for back child support if he has a really good lawyer. Most lawyers have free consultations and all you need is about an hour with them to tell them what you've told us and he'll let you know if he can help you.
2007-09-05 08:11:19 · answer #2 · answered by eviltruitt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother abandoned me and my brother when I was about 4 years old. She has not done a thing for us since she left. My father did the right thing and put her up for child support, which she has NOT paid. I feel that he should go to court and sue her for child support. There is something wrong in our society when a man gets behind on child support he goes to jail. Meanwhile deadbeats, like my mother, just get their cases closed and the children in turn suffer because they are deprived not only of their mother, but financial needs are not being met. I feel that he needs to put his foot down and demand that she either be a part of her child's life or give up her parental rights.
2007-09-05 07:10:27 · answer #3 · answered by kat_kris2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion is that he get a court ordered custody agreement. Child support??? You know that you are never going to get it.
This is his child and his business. I am in the same situation. We get no money either. We pay all of the cost and have him 95% of the time. I made this choice when I got involved in the relationship. I do not tell him what to do about the money. It is what it is. Be a loving step mom and forget about the drama. Stay out of it.
2007-09-05 07:02:19 · answer #4 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he needs to go to family court, establish his rights as a parent and file for a legal custody and support document that states all of this. He can do this at the court house. If he can not afford an attourney I think most counties have legal help, and if he qualifies for any state aid at all most states will go after the non castodial parent for recovery no matter if they are the mom or dad.
2007-09-05 07:05:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to see what kind of mutual agreement it is. If there is no paper work than your family can get her for abandenment. Or go to family court- make sure you have proof. You are a really good person to step up but she is the biological mother and either needs to help raise a child she labored or let you two have full custody. It will be hell but it is worth it in the end,
2007-09-05 07:01:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It does go both ways and if he can prove how long he has had custody, then she would be obligated to pay for all the years she hasn't paid, just like any man would. You hear more about dead beat dads only because it's the mothers that usually end up with custody, but the system works both ways.
2007-09-05 07:03:08 · answer #7 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a woman and i paid child support for the four years our son lived with his father.... it was court ordered, and i didn't care. Many women pay child support, and if it's court ordered, and they don't pay it, they have to deal with the consequences..
meanwhile, it's NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to pay for your fiance's son's anything.
and it's NOT YOUR WORRY that the mother does little to nothing for the child.
it's kind of you to help, and i think it's a very generous thing to do.... but SHE owes you nothing for giving when you want to.
and i have to wonder, why doesn't the father take responsibility for financing the child? why do YOU have to do it?
You seem to be letting this ex get to you. Why worry about it? It's not your problem, never will be... If your fiance wants child support, HE is the one who needs to take action and ask for some..
I'm sure you have enough of your own, personal issues to deal with, without taking on someone else's.
2007-09-05 07:02:56 · answer #8 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes it is not worth the fight to get child support if it is ordered will she pay it probably not also would it be worth her coming around more to get child support you need to look at what is in the best interest of the child i didn't ask for child support from my ex-husband because it was in the best interest of my children not to ask for it and maybe that is the same case here also what will the child think if you and and his dad take his mom back to court the child will see that and will also know that the money is not needed don't worry about society it is not always correct
2007-09-05 07:05:30 · answer #9 · answered by cool mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I would stay out of it. It is an extra burden i know. However, if you persue this expect some pretty serious consequences from her. She has legal custody and can, believe me when I say make life absolute hell for the child, ex and you. The legal system is very unbalanced in this area.
2007-09-05 07:01:31 · answer #10 · answered by Rein 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋