My husband and I have been through so many issues (cheating, addiction, abuse, all on his part). We are now in marriage counseling and have gone to two sessions. The ironic thing is that all of those issues have stopped and my husband is truly changed now, but when he was doing all of those terrible things to me I didn't want to leave him, now that he's "changed" I feel like I truly want to leave him. It's really weird and I don't understand why when he was doing these terrible things, I stayed with him because I though I really loved him, but now that he has stopped these things it almost feels like to little to late and I'm over him. The marriage counseling is not changing anything and I'm just so over it, but I stay for my child and baby on the way and because divorce is not something that anyone in my family has ever done. I'm just waiting for some kind of "miracle" to occur in the counseling but it doesn't. Any suggestions?
2007-09-05 06:48:33 · 11 answers · asked by allie s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe the reason you stayed with him before was because of fear and not love. You were afraid to leave him, that is a hard thing to admit, so your mind thinks it due to love. Now that he's changed you can see the end and the potential freedom gives you strength and longing.
And really, 2 sessions and he's truly changed? Do you really believe that? He may honestly be trying but he hasn't "changed" yet. The true test would be once counseling is said and done; does he revert back to his old self? If not; then he's changed.
2007-09-05 06:58:52 · answer #1 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Counsel ling works over time. You have been through 2 sessions. You must give at least a year.
You have chosen this man to be the father of your children. You choose to stay through all the crap. WOW! Do you think that maybe you liked it when he treated you like crap? Grow up. Be a good mom, stop the drama and love the fact that you will both be better people for it in the future.
May I suggest birth control in the future? Do not have more children with this man until you figure it out!
2007-09-05 14:07:43 · answer #2 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When things were bad, you had a vision to cling to of what he would be like if only he stopped doing X. Now that you can see what he's really like after stopping X, the reality's not turning out to be enough.
It's great that you're in counseling, but just going isn't going to produce any miracles. If you want to save things, you're going to have to put in some effort - perhaps starting by sharing these feelings at your next session, if you haven't already. If not, think long and hard about whether this is really the kind of environment and relationship you want to model for your kids, and act accordingly.
2007-09-05 13:58:50 · answer #3 · answered by MM 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think maybe this boils down to the idea that YOU need a project man. That being, you needed someone to "fix" and now that he is "fixed" your work is done, and now you are bored.
Honestly, I say if you were foolish enough to have two kids with this loser (and you have not even given birth to number two yet) and he is not doing anything to endanger your kids, suck it up and stay in counseling! The miracle can happen, it takes BOTH parties though, you are still part of this marriage, remember that.
2007-09-05 14:00:06 · answer #4 · answered by kittykatsback 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the most honest piece of advice that I can give you is to stick with it... I think that you are just so fed up and angry with all of his past behavior, that the bug you now more than ever. Also, you are pregnant, so there are lot's of emotions you are feeling and i am sure adding to the confusion. If you love him... truley love him, and it sounds like you do.. (you did stick with him through all the other bs he put you through) then you owe it to yourself to try to make it work if you can.. Otherwise all the crap you put up with isn't worth it.. If he is honestly trying to change, your relationship will get better.. You just have to want it to.. You have to work at it.. that's what marriage is.. work... if he is putting in the work, you should too. Open your heart... If you are religious, say a prayer.. discuss things with each other.. be brutally honest. You can work through it.. Good luck.. and best wishes for your new baby and a happy family !! :)
2007-09-05 14:11:13 · answer #5 · answered by nikki f 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ya know sounds like you two need to date and work on having fun again laugh again take time out just for the 2 of you get a baby sitter and go out to the country and look at the stars and make love put the romance back in there sounds like you have been threw a lot really work on it the 2 of you are supposed to be there for each other during the good and the bad not only when you feel like it find the love for him again
Good Luck!
2007-09-05 13:58:29 · answer #6 · answered by cool mom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want to be the savior and now that hes "saved"; your bored with him. Love is a choice. Choose to love the man who has married you; going to counseling with you; and trying to plan a future with you.Get a sitter; go out and enjoy your husband. Learn to love again and find a new person to "save".
2007-09-05 14:01:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
two marriage counseling sessions resolve nothing....
but it's a start.
it took a long time for you to get to this point and it takes EFFORT, WORK and FACING OURSELVES for counseling to be a success.
two counselings sessions and no more from there is giving up.
meanwhile, if you don't love him, then do what you have to do. take care of YOU.
2007-09-05 13:56:55 · answer #8 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
dear madam ,you are yhinking about his faults and failures.did you think how did you behave with him.marriage is a give and take,you should understand the (eastern) indian marriages which survive all odds and celebrate silver/golden/platinum jubilees/just try madam,good luck and god bless you/if you want more advice i will be very happy to make your marriage a super success.
2007-09-05 14:02:16 · answer #9 · answered by madhavan n 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's not unusual. If you felt this way when he did the first thing wrong, you would've left him then; thus, not giving him a chance to do more wrong things to you. The damage has been done.
2007-09-05 13:55:01 · answer #10 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋