Can my divorcing spouse withhold my children from me?

Question

My spouse has just asked for divorce. We have two children, ages 3 yrs and 6 months. Her request was a shock to me. Sure we had some problems but nothing to get to this point. My biggest hurt is that she has been denying me time with my kids. I live with my parents right now and she does not like my mother. My mother has tried hard to get along. They have never had words but she just does not like her. She wants me to sign an agreement basically keeping my children away from my parents and really limiting my time with my children. I have not signed. I think that this is being spiteful. I work until 10pm most nights as I manage a restaurant so my parents have been picking up the kids and caring for them until I get home. I leave for work around 12ish each day. I believe that since she wants the divorce, she should file but she does not have the money and wants me to. I have not done so. Please give me some advice on how I can deal with my situation regarding my children.

Answer 1

Ok. Here is the deal. In any situation what is best for the kids is what is the real deal. No matter who is right, who is wrong, who wants what, who did what first blah blah blah, all that will not matter later, but what happens with these kids at this early age DOES matter. You need legal representation PRONTO. No matter if you do not want to file first for who di who first. This is to protect your rights and the rights of the kids. She can not make the rules as to who they see or not when they are with you. Go file for divorce and file for a legal custody arrangement. Each state has a standard custody arangement that is usually fair for most cases. If you are taking the kids half of the time you need to file for 50/50 physical custody and have them define your time off as what is actually your time off and not the "every other weekend" stuff that is in standard agreements. If you seek legal counsel and do this all legally you will be on top of things as this goes on. Some people that feel slighted, as you rightly do, do not want to do any of the filing for the same reasons you state here. The point, though, is that no matter if you eventually get back together or not, you have legal limits defined by a court order that protect your kids. Not a silly agreement that she has written out that holds no water that is vendictive and silly. By filing for your rights as a father and by being there for your kids you are being the responsible one. Call someone today and get the ball rolling. Sometimes this changes attitudes. She will be really mad to be served papers, and she will be really mad to have an order telling her what to do with the kids, she will no longer be in control. Control freaks are like this. They might have you both go into mediation over how to handle your children, and this also makes her aware that she is not the person that makes the rules. Your mom is not the issue here, just a symptom of your wifes control issues. Keep your mom out of it and let her be the granny. Try to get a job where you are more available to your kids during the day so that you have more hands on with them on a daily basis. Some companies will work with you on this if they know you are in a single dad situation. If your company won't help you with this you need to look for a different job situation that will help you. You always do what you need for your kids. One day, your wife might wake up and you might be able to work this out, but until then CYOA,and take care of your kids!. O^O

Answer 2

She has no right to withhold the children from you. You are more than welcome to see them anytime you wish- especially because you two aren't even divorced yet. As a matter of fact, you can go to the house any time you'd like and see the children because you aren't divorced yet and it is still your home. If she wants to divorce so badly then make her be the one to file and when she does DO NOT agree to anything less than joint custody! If you sign custody away to her- getting it back is the hardest thing you will ever have to do!

Answer 3

What country do you live in . It is absolutely illegal to keep the kids away from you. Call the police and get help from the law . I don't know why you moved out but in any event , you have a right to see your children . I hope you are paying child support with a C H E C K ! not with cash . She will deny it when you stand in front of a judge . Don't wait for her to ask you for money.Kids eat every day and need it .Also don't sign anything. For goodness sakes, if you don't want the divorce , let her figure it out how to pay for it .
Get up a little earlier in the morning and go over there and see the kiddies . Your mom should stay out of it . I don;t think that your wife has to let them go with your mother .
Good Luck and fight for your children that you have influence .

Answer 4

Do not sign anything. Unless you are a drug user or an abusive person, you will not be asked to give up visitation. Do not agree to anything or else the judge might make you stay with that forever. Get a lawyer. Get good legal advice. She might lose her rights if she withholds the kids from you. Just don't sign anything she wants you to sign till you talk to a good lawyer.

Answer 5

Hi..

Your wife has no rights to keep your kids away from you. Unless you are unfit, she can't do a thing... and you certainly DO NOT seem unfit.

People do what she is doing out of bitterness and spite.. it has nothing to do with the welfare of the children. and in fact, SHE is neglecting the children's needs by denying them visitation with you. I'm sure your kids miss you.

also, when YOU have visitation, it's your option what to do with the kids and where to take them. they are YOUR children after all, and i'm sure you would never place them into a dangerous situation....

ex spouses have no right to try and control where their children go, who they see or what they do when with the other parent.... and besides, it's insane the way people get so crappy when separated and divorced.... it's all about spite and bitterness.. believe me!! i used to work for a divorce attorney.

you could get good advice about this from an attorney... you also could have a schedule of visitation drawn up and filed with the courts.... if it goes through a judge, then she has to abide by the order.

take care and i hope it works out.

Answer 6

She can't deny you your children. They are as much yours as hers and the children need you as much as they need her. She is being selfish and putting the children in the middle of a situation they should not be in at all. Time to see a lawyer to find out what your rights are and what your children's rights are. Seeing a lawyer doesn't mean you are filing. It also doesn't mean you are agreeing to foot the whole bill for the divorce. You also have as much right to file for custody as she does. If your parents can care for the children while you are working then custody should be manageable. Your children have a right to see their grandparents too. Just because she doesn't like them isn't any reason to deny the children their birth right to family.

Answer 7

No. She really can't. Unless you are abusive, or neglectful. Is the home a safe place for kids? If you said yes, then there is no reason for her to with hold your time with your children.
This is a last means of control. the razor to hurt you with. She is mad at you for some part of the impending divorce, her reaction is to control the only thing she can. your interaction with the kids. The divorce is out of her control. Her regain of control is by any means. In this case- the kids.
Communicate with her and just tell her. "This is not about us, by you with holding our kids, you are hurting them." Let her know that you are thier father, and you are entitled to time with them.
Be calm straight forward put your spite and anger to the side. When she starts in, calmly state that you just want to see your kids, and they have a dad that they need.
I am sorry you have to go through this.

Answer 8

At this point you are both custodial parents. You can pick up your kids from school and refuse to hand them back over to her and the law can't touch you. SHE wants the divorce it's on HER to start the paperwork and pay the money. She doesn't have the money? Not your problem.

I'd be talking to family court right about now.

Answer 9

Well, talk to a divorce lawyer in your state, but, my gut reaction is that as long as you are still married you have as much right as she does to care for the child. Frankly, I don't know why you moved out. You should have said, "no - you want the divorce, YOU move out." Then you should have let her file for divorce and then fought for full custody with her getting reasonable rights of visitation. You probably would have lost, and she would get physical custody and you would get joint legal custody and reasonable visitation. But then you could have forced a sale of the house and gotten something out of that deal financially.

Right now, you are at her mercy because the kids live with her and you have nowhere to keep them and no time to care for them. So she is the primary caregiver. She will get custody of the kids and you will pay child support. Get used to it.

Don't file for divorce and don't sign anything. And don't give her any money now. If she keeps asking you to sign stuff, you tell her to go ahead and file for divorce if that's what she wants but you don't have to sign anything. If she wants money, tell her you don't have it. That'll get her to file.

Alternatively, you could file first and try to claim full custody. Long shot, but filing first is sometimes an advantage. See a divorce attorney NOW. Explain the situation in detail and tell him what your goals are. Don't wait. If you wait to see a lawyer you will be handing her a great big stick to shove up your....

Answer 10

I am sorry that you are going through that. She can not keep you from your children and she cannot stop you from letting your parents see them. She did not make these children on here own. do not sign any thing get yourself a lawyer and get to a judge or a mediator. you have just as much right to your children as she does. You can always see how she would feel if the roles were changed.