Ever wish it was OK to be different without being told or asked why you are?

Question

I would think that with having a birthmark for my entire 39 years of my life, I would get used to the idea of being asked about it but I guess I haven't yet... The question came up just yesterday twice with the childern at my sons new pre school. It is fairly easy to explain to inquesitive innocent 4 year old even though I try to wear makeup so that my face shows no sign of the evidence. However, its not as easy when it comes from a source trying to offer coverup solutions that they think will help my cause while I am shopping for toothpaste at a local Target. I have had someone come up to me and say they think the have a product that will help. I had not asked for help and generly am able to search for myself if I desire so. I once was asked at Halloween time in a fabric store if I was allready wearing my costume by a teanage boy... Anyone else have simmular expierences? How do you deal with all those that can't seem to deal with anything that is a bit more than average?

Answer 1

The next time someone comes up to you and says something - say "Thanks for your concern " and walk away. Maybe they'll take the hint.

Answer 2

Oh, man, have I got similar experiences! I'm legally blind. I can see sort of. I have no depth perception and so have to be careul walking. I also have to read things very very close up. I used to wear half inch thick glasses. I switched to contacts when I finally found a doctor who could manage it.

I thought that I'd finally get past people making comments, offering advice, thinking they know more about it than i do. I was mistaken. With best correction, I'm still blind, so I just had to add "where are your glasses, honey?" to the list of things I could expect to hear on a daily basis. Already on the list were "you'll hurt your eyes reading that close" "why don't you get that new surgery?" "wow you're really good at that- it's kinda like how my severely reatreded cousin can play the piano" and those are just the ones that are meant to be helpful. Ninety percent of the time, they also treat me like I'm an idiot.

Now I don't mind people asking about it. that's fine. I'll explain it, and the world can be a bit more educated one person at a time. I hate it when people just make stupid comments like "wow I bet you can see china with those!" or tell me what they think I should do. You'd think MAYBE people would figure out that a condition I live with every day- I might know more about than they do, and there might be a reason I have not got RK, Lasiik, or whatever the fad of the week is. (Kinda like how you might not go to target in full face makeup when you realise- oops- you're out of kleenex or something.)

This might not be the world's best solution but here's what I did about it. If I have to be different in a way I cannot control, I will be different in ways that I can control. I'd rather have people making comments about things that are my choice. Also, a few of my choices regarding my appearance have led to people being intimidated enough to stop bugging me altogether. When they do, the conversations tend to be a little less condescending. (It is way so abundantly clear I dressed myself this morning).

Answer 3

I know its so hard, but I think people really do want to help, or mean well. In Canada children with anything like a birthmark, huge ears, or whatever are covered for free surgery, what would be essentially cosmetic surgery up to the age of 16.

If I saw a child under the age of 16 with a birth mark I would probably ask their parents if they are aware of this. Because many people arent.

People can be insensitive and stupid, I am sorry you have to put up with this. I had my ears done, my parents didnt know if I was going to walk or fly when I was born, and some of the stupid comments, even from teachers are unbelievable.

I had one teacher say to me "You didnt hear what I said? with ears like that I find that hard to believe, you should be able to hear someone talking in the parking lot". I was 6 at the time.

Of course that sent a message to the other kids that it was just okay to tease me about my ears - I would love to run into that teacher today and tell him what I think of him.

Answer 4

Unsolicited personal comments should be met with a stare that says they're crazy/stupid/rude and then ignored.

Or if you're feel like venting a bad day, tell them plainly what they can do with their advice, a simple f-off would do the trick.

There are too many rude people all over the planet. Best to just behave as though they're a passing stench.

Extremely little kids are different, but once they hit 8 or 9, they should know better than to make personal comments about others. If they haven't learned that lesson, teach it when they ask. Say, "I know you're curious, but it's rude to ask." That works with adults who should know better too.

Oh don't explain your birthmark to any of them, except maybe the REALLY little ones. If you do, you're encouraging their rude curiosity.

Answer 5

First I need to you to know I understand where you're coming from. Second unfortunately sometimes WE become a little self conscience and irritated with other peoples ignorance. (ignorance as in with out knowledge) But We must also remember that it is human nature to continue developing new knowledge in our daily lives. I am sure that a lot of times you may be thinking these people are all rude but maybe they are compationate, yet have no knowledge of how to approach you for fear of hurting your feelings. Yet, your feelings are hurt even though, as you feel them staring at you. And I gotta tell you I wish I merely had to worry about a birth mark on my face. That to me would be a blessing. I have been disabled for 25 years, paralized, wheelchair bound for eternity because of someone that chose to drink and drive. He walked away I received a life sentence. BUT I have been Blessed just the same. I have four super kids (all after the paralisis) and although I become more and more physically disabled every year I am alive and living. Even though so many people think people who are disabled are also ignorant and they just don't know which way to go when they see you coming, it's all alright because I don't expect them to know or understand, because if you haven't lived it you can never truly know the reality of anothers life and what they may be going through.
So I say, kill em with kindness, smile and be happy. Who really cares what anyone elst thinks....you know who and what you are, that's all that really matters isn't it. I have taught my children (20,18,14 and 8 years old) Always walk with your head held up, walk with purpose and if someone bullies you kill em with kindness and have a forgiving heart. It our purpose to teach others, so they don't walk around in ignorance but knowledge and understanding.

Answer 6

you comprehend which you won't manage to be in this state perpetually because of the fact there is somebody obtainable for each guy or woman. you're in basic terms 17 which will provide you a superb variety of time to discover a woman chum. suited now you are able to desire to easily have relaxing and invite whoever to circulate and hangout with you. Make friendly conversations with all human beings that way you're distracting your self from being down approximately not having a woman chum and likewise kinda finding for one. the element is that solid issues come to those that wait in case you maintain thinking approximately not having a woman chum and how you think of your existence isn't solid except you have one is complete bullshit. i comprehend it ought to look like a actual fuckedd up difficulty suited now yet interior the destiny once you come across that one female you have been waiting for you would be happy you enjoyed your existence so as which you're arranged to cool down together with her. So i could say being around many human beings will help advance your horizon. And relationships make existence greater reliable so relax on an identical time as you are able to! And cheer up bud !!!! i comprehend she's coming your way quickly !

Answer 7

Yea, I really do wish it would be OK for someone who feels that they are different. Its sad, but a lot of people just aren't comfortable with something that goes beyond their realm of normalness (is that even a word). One of my biggest gripes is when someone says something about someone and they say "you know, that black guy"...or "that girl in the wheel chair". It like...why did you even have to say that. Why not just that guy or that girl...why do we feel the need to point out something that doesn't need to be pointed out.

I just wish that people could just go on in life and do without all of the "extra" remarks. Does that make sense? I am sorry that people have made you feel that way. I promise you...if I ever met you, I wouldn't treat you any differently than I would treat anyone else. I am pretty sure that there are a lot of people out there that feel the same way that I feel. The sad truth is that you will still have the people that feel like they need to point out something that is different than what they have. I don't know...just wish it weren't that way.

Answer 8

You're really not different. Lots of people have birth marks. Be patient...they usually just seek knowledge. My son is in a wheelchair with Cerebral Palsy, but bright as a star! He's now 32, and people still ask....they just want to be able to understand. Look at intent, not the question itself.
As for the folks who approach you at the store, nicely tell them to leave you alone, you didn't ask for their advice.

Answer 9

That is so true, we feel they want it to change when maybe they are comfortable with it. My son fell and broke his shoulder, broke the ball of the end of his arm. After surgury and a body cast he was later able to use his arm. But it left a large scar. He loves boats and lakes and swimming and wears tank tops which shows the scar. He is not conscience of it in any way. His wife said it makes you look tough. That was good enough for him. But people do him that way and he says why do I want to change it?
A broke my leg and for some time I was in a wheel chair to get around, surgury later and metal plates it still took time.
6 breaks in lower leg and ankle.
When I was in the wheel chair little kids stare at you and adults act like they don't see you. I just wanted to be regular.
smile at me and say hi. It is okay. Don't worry that the chair bothers us, we are glad to get out of the house.
ONly when people's attitudes change maybe reading this I feel we are getting better educated about others.

Answer 10

You just have to try and fouce on your good points.
Your gifts in life.

I have heard other girls say to other girls before the start of the race that I am very slow runner.
Kids say I speak funny

I know that I am a talent artist

If you are only worried about a birthmark you have a pretty good set of cards in life.

Answer 11

I can relate. I have Psoriasis and I can't seem to go anywhere without someone staring or asking me what's wrong with me. When I worked retail, I had a customer refuse to shake my hand because of it. Everyone has some cream or lotion or herbal remedy for it, and even though most of them mean well, it's frustrating.

You can't stop people from asking stupid questions, my advice is just to smile through gritted teeth, thank them for their unwelcomed advice, and go on with your day. I know it's annoying when people make comments, but you can't let it ruin your day. Good luck and hang in there =)