Here is my situation
I left my husband in January because his drinking was taking over his life and our families lives. We agreed that by me leaving it would help him sober up. I never left to get a divorce. I left because I wouldn't let my daughters see that anymore and I wanted my husband to get better.
To make a long story short,my husband ended up meeting someone else and now she is pregnant. He never tried to get help. I am so hurt by this but I know I have to move on.Everytime I think about what he did to me I get so upset because I do everything for our daughters.Whenever I talk to him on the phone my heart races because of the anger I have towards him. He is coming this weekend to give me my stuff and I was wondering how should I act when I see him?How do I get over what he did to me?
2007-09-05 05:34:46 · 32 answers · asked by lvbrdy4vr 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're right, you have to move on. The only way to do that is to spend time with other people (friends or meeting new men, I'd recommend friends though), and to wait it out.
2007-09-05 05:38:36 · answer #1 · answered by aldakemina 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Anger is normal. You really cannot stop your angry feelings towards your husband. But do not let anger control you. When your husband calls you on your cell, or sends you an email, don't reply immediately. Because most of the time, when you react, you don't have the full faculty of your brain. Only the defense mechanism is working and that is not what you need. Think about your answer for at least 3 hours. Settle your nerves, then make a reply.
I've been to two divorces and those are not very pleasant. Especially I'm always the "leftee." I don't want to divorce but my ex-wives do. It's painful. For me, I would suggest that you at least try to save the marriage. He made a mistake, you made a mistake, nobody is perfect. Try counselling, or talk with friends or talk with strangers who listen. If it doesn't work out, then at least you tried. But if it does, your marriage will be stronger than ever.
2007-09-05 06:40:20 · answer #2 · answered by JongM 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When he comes over be kind, short and to the point. Say thank you and see him to the door quickly.
Getting over what he did to you is not going to be so easy. But here are a few tips.
First, you probably don't want to hear this, but you are better off with out him.
Second, don't short change yourself into thinking that the problem is you, it is not.
Third, by doing this you are showing through your actions to your daughters that a alcoholic is not an option for your soul mate/spouse. You and your daughters deserve better.
Fourth, If he sobered up tomorrow and left his pregnant girlfriend would your take him back? Then say goodbye and look forward to a better future.
Sometimes life is a pain in the rear and dwelling on the negative will get you nowhere, I know that sounds cliche, but your daughters need a strong woman now and not a bitter mother. Be as optimistic as you possible can. It's okay to tell your daughters that your not happy with the way their father turned out, but be mindful of the fact that they too are going thru some tough times and will need you to be strong.
Find support groups or counseling if your into that and keep detailed records if your going to get child support and/or alimony.
Best of luck and keep your chin up.
2007-09-05 05:57:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you can do one of two things. Option A, would be to let him how angry you are and get all of that frustration out then and there before you part ways. Doesn't have to be a giant outburst, just voice it as best you can without being over the top. Talk with the man and let him know how upset you are with him, and make sure he knows ALL of the reasons.
Option B, just let it go. Forgive and forget. Get your stuff back and move on. There's new things ahead and that chump isn't apart of them. Avoid a possible scene infront of you home and just walk away. The anger will subside over time. Just transfer the energy into more pressing things.
2007-09-05 05:48:16 · answer #4 · answered by Ranger from the North 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear your having to go through this emotional drama. I think you will be fine in time. It is a very hard time for most people to get over, but most eventually do. Things you might want to do include getting rid of the stuff that reminds you of him so you won't cloud you're judgment with anger. The hobby or job idea sounds good. Just keep busy while the time passes until you are over him. And, unless you really (I mean really) hate him, don't get a voo doo doll and stab it in the eyes 'cause those things really work, and besides, if you blind him, he won't have to pay child support or alimony. Take care.
2016-04-03 04:51:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should accept this as something that happened in your past, a life lesson, an adventure that didn't quite work out the way you had it planned. Be happy that you tried it. Remember the good times. Be glad that you figured out that it wasn't working now, so that you could free yourself up to try something new in your life, something that might work better for you, your kids, even for him.
Don't waste another minute of your very short life on useless regret, revenge or obsession with your mistakes. Instead, take the lessons you can from your past & move forward into the future.
Aren't you glad you've got this fresh start in your life? It's got to be better than where you were before, right?
2007-09-05 06:26:02 · answer #6 · answered by Maureen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a good lawyer, get alimony and child support and make his life a living hell. Then, just move on and find a better model that is more in tune with you. Alcohol is a problem that only he can face and work on, you cannot do it for him. Don't let it eat you up inside as that solves nothing. Remember that when a person is addicted to alcohol or something else the yardstick that measures their reasoning ability does not have the same markings on it that yours and mine does. Sort of like the difference between the metric system and us; they are numbers but they don't interface too well.
2007-09-05 06:20:30 · answer #7 · answered by acmeraven 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. I to am going through a similar situation, and am getting a divorce. My soon to be ex wife is trying to get my retirement, and $1500 a month in alimony when she was cheating and lieing to me for the last 3 years. I'm so infuriated with her, sometimes I feel like snapping. The only thing that has really helped to understand why, and to not be so angry, is to talk to someone about it. Get to that breaking point and break down to someone else....a professional.
Look at the benefits of being single, and take him for all his money. When he drops your stuff off, don't open the front door. Leave a note on the door telling him to leave it out front. Maybe this will be easier. My friends helped me a lot also.
2007-09-05 05:42:26 · answer #8 · answered by TXboy 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
what you did was right
but you semi did it wrong
you should have left for your self 1st
and then for the sake of the daughters
divorce should have been the only option
as he probably met someone in a AA meeting or maybe not
either way if he has not cured his problem
he will have a dis-functional relationship
and you can take some comfort if not pity in that
anger is a personal sign of weakness
and you do not want to be a weak mother
anger is a low value and people who are weak cling to anger like a childhood blanket
always look for the positives
you have gotten out now
and will be free to truly live drug and alcohol free for you and your children
take the lesson as a lesson learned and vow never to repeat it, and go on and forward with your life
be cordial with your soon to be ex as you have future meeting with him long term for visitations
there is no need for negative drama and anger
2007-09-05 05:42:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be formal, be polite, but do NOT get all emotional and heated. You did the right thing by leaving, and that is it. This man is obviously weak, and lacks any kind of moral substance, but that is not your problem any more. So treat the whole meeting like a formal business dealing, do what you have to do, and do not allow him to engage you in any further discussion on this issue. Tell him it is no longer relevant, wish him well, and send him on his way.
If you lose control of your emotions, you lose control of the situation, period. Not a good thing. Get on with your life and leave him to his own devices. No good keeping on crying over spilt milk. You don't make anything better, you don't change anything, you only succeed in making your own self feel worse.
2007-09-05 05:43:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you think of his Drinking habit and the way he treated you, you should feel relieved that your not the pregnant one.
Listen..... he's not getting help because he doesn't think he has a problem and if he wanted to work on your marriage he wouldn't have gone out and acted like a drunk slut, he would have tried, at least a little, to help himself.
Be glad that you don't have to put up with that any more and stay away from the ones that do drink a lot.
2007-09-05 05:42:26 · answer #11 · answered by Hi its me again 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋