I was in an abusive marrage for six long long years. Then just before I was smart enough to get away i got preg with twins. He went to jail and didnt get out till three days after I had my daughters. 7 & 6.6 lbs at birth!! Obviously I let him come back breifly. Then tragity strikes and one of our twins died at 8 months old. Medical examiner could find no real cause of death just cold-sleeping no kind of foul play. As if that wasnt bad enough, i find out that he was with someone else during one of our routine separations. She was pregnant and didnt know if he was the dad or not. So I left him. we stayed separated for a year and a half. then in a moment of pure weakness i caved and we somehow ended up living together again.but he is still the same old him abusive in a lot of ways. tell me someone why do we allow these kind of things? I know part of it for me is because i feel like he might be the only one who knows how i feel about my baby. Just looking for feed back.
2007-09-05 05:09:01 · 9 answers · asked by Jynn 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yup, we do it over and over cuz we as woman want to be able to say that person loved us enough to be a better person OR we do it cuz they have beat us down (not always with fists) so far that we assume that no one else would want or understand us. It’s a terrible thing, but after so many times it is difficult to feel sympathy for anyone except those kids that watch their mother be beat or told she isn’t worthy. The best thing you can do for your kids is show them that they are good enough to be treated well and respected and the only way you can do that is by example. Show them that life isn’t always nice to us and that as woman we are strong enough to overcome the crap that keeps getting put in front of us. Girls that see their mothers disrespected and belittled and beat will be with someone who does the exact thing to them. They will figure that it was good enough for their mother so its just fine for them, they will know no different. Boys who see their mothers being taken advantage of will take advantage of woman cuz that’s what they know. I cant say that i know how it is to lose a child and hope that i never know that type of pain but i know that friends will try to understand and help and i bet that some friends would even go to support groups with you to help understand further and keep you strong and away from an a** like that.
K, i'm off my soap box now and back to reality and know that it is WAY easier to solve someone elses issues than it is my own. These things are much easier said than done.
2007-09-05 06:57:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He may be the only one to know how you felt about losing your baby...because he is the father...but that isn't not a good enough reason to be in a relationship with him. He has abused you and has cheated on you.....do you not have anymore self esteem than what you appear to have? The reason you allow him to stay is that you don't love nor respect yourself...you think that there is nobody left in this world that could ever possibly love you...because your husband has most likely told you this...but that simply isn't true! You should know the signs of someone who has the tendency to abuse...and stay away from those men. You are stronger than what you give yourself credit for....Leave this man...he will eventually destroy you.
2007-09-05 12:21:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am deeply sorry for your lost and my heart goes out to you. I am also so saddened of knowing you went back to this abusive man. It takes an enormous amount of strength for anyone of us to leave a relationship that has us emotionally tied for more reasons than we wish to admit. For you to be able to do this you must first seek counselling to help you overcome the tragedy of losing your child and also to see why it is you are drawn to such a man that only causes you pain and heartbreak. Just know, it is never easy to let go and to move on, but you do so in order to find happiness. You alone are the only person that can ensure your own happiness. If you remain with him you will only be granted a life full of disappointments and heartaches. Seek the help of friends and family and do what is right for you and your child and that is to leave this man and his abusive behaviour behind you.
2007-09-05 12:25:51 · answer #3 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that, when we are with people like your guy, it's because it's a "comfort zone", even when it's abusive/dysfunctional.
Sometimes dysfunctional IS our safe place. And no, it's not safe for you, hon.
I am also very sorry to hear of the loss of your child. I can't imagine how devistating that would be... sending my sympathies.
Perhaps it's time to consider taking care of YOU? You aren't doing so in staying with this guy.
If you have an option to get therapy, consider it. Sometimes we need help and advice and someone to push us to do the WORK it takes to recover and change our lives.
I wish you all the best.
2007-09-05 12:20:51 · answer #4 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi there... You definitely need help, serious help. Therapy could be the way to go; you can't allow yourself to live a miserable life, you and your baby deserve a better life that the one he can offer but I understand it would be hard to break the pattern on your own. Look for local non-profit association that supports woman in your situation. I can help you with some Internet research if you want to. Email me. Good Luck!
2007-09-05 12:17:11 · answer #5 · answered by Kent-B-True 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you realize that you are teaching your daughter that it is OK for men to be abusive and cheat?
You need to grow up, take care of your daughter and get this loser out of your life.
Get some counseling. You need to get some self respect. Can you live with some family until you are on your feet?
Your only concern should be for your child. She does not need this is her life. She needs a parent that has their s**t together. Not a loser cheater dad.
2007-09-05 12:52:16 · answer #6 · answered by Tadpoler 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My question to you, why are you staying in an abusive relationship when he cheats on you, not sure if he is beating you or verbally abusing you. The love here is all one sided and it is you love him and he definitely does not love you. Just because you have a child with someone doesn't mean that you must be committed to that person especially under your circumstances. You are endagering both yourself and your child. Girl, move on!
2007-09-05 12:18:10 · answer #7 · answered by Pinolera 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've had more pain than a person should have in a whole life time. Why do you allow this to continue? You have your daughter. Take her and get away from this man, and try to build a happy life for you and for her.
2007-09-05 12:17:40 · answer #8 · answered by ron-D 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
What a mess! I am very sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how difficult it was. However, if he's abusive, you need to take the proper precautions to protect your other daughter, because that should be your primary focus, not your love life.
2007-09-05 12:14:30 · answer #9 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋