When do spouse's became more important ?

Question

I have kid and would do anything for them but when if any time are marrages (are sposes) to became more important is there a time? you are soppost to spend the rest of your life with them so are they (your spose) ever more important than anyone else in your life?

Answer 1

People will write on here that the children should always come first but they aren't understanding the question.

There is NO QUESTION kids need daily care and love and nurturing but the truth is, YOU HAVE TO offer that to your spouse as well!

Kids grow up and LEAVE. that is what we raise them to do. If you do not nurture your married life, you are doomed to fail.

Answer 2

They say that marriage will make "two people become one". This means that your spouse is equal to yourself. At the center of human life is love for self and if we follow the logic, then marriage puts our spouses also at the center of our lives. Kids, while they are the products of our love, are only "branches of the tree". All sustenance come from the center (which in this analogy, is this main trunk). Only when the main trunk is in good condition can it properly nurture its branches. Therefore, put your relationship with your spouse above anything else so that together, as one, you can both provide the best care possible to your kids.

Answer 3

When your children are young and very dependant on you for EVERY thing, then their wants and needs need to come first in your life. As they grow older, in their teens, and can fix their own food and do more stuff for themselves, then time with your spouse should become more important. But even when the kids are younger, it's very important to spend time with your spouse...sometimes you have to hire a babysitter and go out as a couple!

Answer 4

I love my kid's more than my husband, but I will be with him forever. I will always stand by him and the decisions we make together to raise our kids. Many parents fight about the kids and what they need or just want. I think you should always defend your spouse to your kid's if a need arises. You should show respect for your spouse so that your kids will.

Answer 5

When you get married, that is the beginning of the rest of your life where your spouse is more important than family, friends, self, etc.

To remain happily married, keep it that way! :)

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Answer 6

Your spouse should be your first consideration for all adult things. Your children are first for the needs they cannot provide for themselves.

Balance and juggle...work on becoming very good at it.

Answer 7

You children are first and foremost and the person you choose to be your spouse should feel the same as you do about the children. Plain and simple.

Answer 8

*"What in the world is the difference between loving a person and being selfishly attached to them?

Love is the sincere wish for others to be happy, and to be free from suffering.

Having realistically recognized others' kindness as well as their faults, love is always focused on the other person’s welfare. We have No ulterior motives to fulfill our self-interest, or to fulfill our desires; to love others simply because they exist.
Selfish attachments, on the other hand, exaggerates others' good qualities and makes us crave to be with them. When we're with them, we're happy, but when we're separated from them, we are often miserable. These selfish attachments are linked with expectations of what others should be or do.

Is love as it is usually understood in most societies really love? or selfish attachments ?

Let us examine this a bit more. Generally we are attracted to people either because they have qualities we value or because they help us in some way. If we observe our own thought processes mindfully, and carefully - we'll notice that we look for specific qualities in others.
Some of these qualities we find attractive, others are those our parents, or society value.
We examine someone's looks, education,
financial situation, social status. This is how most of us decide on whether or not the person holds any true value to us.

In addition, we judge people as worthwhile according to how they relate to us! If they help us, praise us, make us feel secure, listen to what we have to say, care for us when we are sick or depressed, we consider them good people, and it is this type of people we are most likely to be more attracted to.

But this is very biased, for we judge them only in terms of how they relate to "us", as if we are the most important person in the world.

After we've judged certain people to be good for us, whenever we see them it appears to us as if goodness is coming from them, but if we are more aware, we recognize that we have projected this goodness onto them.

Desiring to be with the people a lot who make us feel good, we become emotional yo-yo's - when we're with these people, we're up, when we're not with these people, we're down.

Furthermore, we form fixed concepts of what our relationships with those people will be and thus have expectations of them. When they do not live up to our expectations of them, we're very disappointed, or may become angry.
We want them to change so that they will they will match what we think they are. But our projections and expectations come from our own minds, not from the other people.

Our problems arise not because others aren't who we thought they we're, but because we mistakenly thought they were something they aren't.
Checklist: "I Love You if __________ "
What we call love is most often selfish attachments.
It is actually a disturbing attitude that overestimates the qualities of another person. We then cling to tightly to that person, thinking our happiness depends on that person.

" Unconditional Love, on the other hand, is an open and very calm, relaxed attitude."

"We want someone to be happy, and free from suffering simply because they exist. While selfish attachments are uncontrolling and too sentimental, Unconditional Love is direct and powerful. Selfish attachments obscures our judgment and we become impatient, angry, and impartial, helping only our dear ones and harming those who we don't like. Unconditional Love builds up others, and clarifies our minds, and we
access a situation by thinking of the greatest good for everyone. Attachments are based on selfishness, while Love is founded upon cherishing others, even those who do not look very appealing to the eyes. Unconditional Love looks beyond all the superficial appearances, and dwells on the fact that they are just like us: they want inner peace, happiness, and want to avoid suffering. If we see unattractive, dirty, ignorant people, we feel repulsed because our selfish minds want to know attractive, intellectual, clean, and talented people. Unconditional Love, on the other hand, never evaluates others by these superficial standards and looks much deeper into the person. Unconditional Love recognizes that regardless of the others' appearances, their experience is the same as ours: they seek inner peace, to be happy, to be free from sufferings, and to do their best to avoid problems.
When we're selfishly attached, we're not mentally and emotionally free. We overly depend on and cling to another person to fulfill our mental and especially our emotional needs. We fear losing the person, feeling we'd be incomplete without him."

However, this does not mean that we should suppress our emotional needs or become aloof, alone and totally independent, for that too does not solve the problem. We must simply realize our unrealistic needs, and slowly seek to eliminate them. Some emotional needs may be so strong that they can't be dissolved immediately.
If we try to suppress them or pretend they do not exist, we become anxious, insecure, falling into a depression. In this case, we can do our best to fulfill our needs while simultaneously working gradually to subdue them.

"The core problem is that most of us seek to be loved, rather than to love. We yearn to be understood by others rather than to understand them. In all honesty, our sense of emotional insecurities comes from the selfishness obscuring our own minds. 'We can develop self-confidence by recognizing our inner potential to become a selfless human being with many, magnificent qualities, then we'll develop a true and accurate feeling of self-confidence. And
then we'll seek to increase true unconditional love, without selfish attachments, to increase compassion, to cultivate loving-kindness, patience and understanding, as well as generosity, concentration and wisdom.'

"Under the influence of selfish attachments we're bound by our emotional reactions to others. When they are nice to us, we're happy. When they ignore us, or speak sharply to us, we take it personally and are unhappy. But pacifying these selfish attachment doesn't mean we become hard-hearted. Rather, without selfish attachment there will be space in our hearts and minds for genuine Affection and Impartial Love for them."
We'll be actively involved with them.

As we learn to subdue our selfish attachments, we can have successful friendships and personal relationships with others. These relationships will be richer because of the freedom and respect which the relationships will be based on. We'll care about the happiness and the misery of all human beings equally, simply because everyone is the same in wanting and needing inner peace, happiness. However, our lifestyles and interests may be more compatible with those of some people more so than with others and that is alright. In any case, our relationships will be based on mutual Love, mutual interests, and the wish to help each other in life."*

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