Tears revolve around our eyes
As planets do the Sun
Nothing in Nature does not cry -
Gravity relinquishes None
Trouble not your Heart so much when
Asteroids hit the floor -
In Life 'tis always Mystery
- One fundamental law
Wings which now can Elevate
Once functioned to trap heat -
The Origin of Tears could be
- To cool Soul's made to weep -
2007-09-05 03:43:57 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I've always liked your work. One quick comment that kind of threw me off though--Your first two lines. I pictured tears swimming horizontally across eyeballs like tadpoles in a pond. I think that tears revolving is a tough thing to visualize.
2007-09-05 05:35:30 · answer #1 · answered by Todd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tears fall from my eyes
as this planet burns from the Sun
nothing in Nature brings a cry
my skin my face the aging has begun
trouble me not so much the cure
but comfort me with sun tan oil
for I might as will look nice for sure
burn me more i need some foil
winds weather me more and more
sitting in a chair on this desert mile
too late to cry a tear, I'm sun burnt to the core
I'm a fool now with this half-baked smile
2007-09-05 11:16:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ive never much liked the rhyming style of poetry, nor the use of words that "fit" like "tis" and "T'was" and such.
Overall, however, I liked the imagery. (Especially the 'wings which now can elevate once functioned to trap heat'.
Keep working - if its yours.
(no apostrophe in souls)
2007-09-05 10:54:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You ROCK!! You must be a STAR!! cos you're a real GEM!!
HA! see what you did? Great imagery... It sounds like it could be the beginning of an entire saga, like a poem the size of a book..
Very cool poem I am looking forward to reading more of your work...
2007-09-05 18:01:11 · answer #4 · answered by Teash 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it, its raining over here in South Africa, Cape Town and the tears fits perfect with the rain outside.
2007-09-05 10:54:01 · answer #5 · answered by liezenvp 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It has potential for greatness, but needs a little work. I like the gist of the tears theory.
2007-09-05 10:48:55 · answer #6 · answered by ruthie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Doof does it again.
You have a great delivery. Smooth, rhythmic and cool.
You will make something great someday.
RB
2007-09-05 11:13:49 · answer #7 · answered by TD Euwaite? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that this poem is realy emotional and i wanted to ask if you wrote it because it's a very nice poem
2007-09-05 10:54:10 · answer #8 · answered by hello h 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its Really Good
2007-09-05 10:51:40 · answer #9 · answered by blueblood 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A bit on the rubbish side, better luck next time
2007-09-05 10:49:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋