would you be able to choose who to help first in an accident even if it meant one person could die?

Question

in march there was a horific traffic accident right outside my house, my husband and I were the one of the first on the scene, there was a car in the ditch on the other side of the road and one in frount of us, and was on fire, the driver was stuck by the legs and his wife was in the back the baby had been thrown into the front, we got the woman out and put her straight into the recovery position, and someone else got the baby, we tried to fight the fire and suceeded enough to free the driver, with 40 seconds before the car went up completely, my problem is that although we saved the driver, he is in a wheelchair now ( don't know if we caused it by yanking him out) , the woman was left to long before we had time to give mouth to mouth and died, the scene was what can only be descibe as a war zone, has anyone else had to make this life and death choice and how did you deal with the feelings of guilt at not doing more to save a life, this is the only sadness in my life.

have tried counseling but it doesn't help with the feelings that i should have done more.

have also now become a trained first aider so I more prepared if there is ever a next time.

sorry to add the woman in the other car got away with a broken arm and bruises the only one to survive in the car i delt with was the driver mother and baby died

Answer 1

As a trained first responder...You, your husband and the someone else did wonderful! Look at it another way.. Who would have survived if none of you had taken any action at all! In an accident, we don't have time to second guess our decisions. You first do your best to get them out of immediate danger.. car on fire. Then you do your best to offer life sustaining (CPR), wound dressings, etc. until the pros arrive. You see the driver being in a wheel chair.. I see the driver being ALIVE! There will always be guilt, always hindsight of what you could have done different. Accept the facts: You did what you could at the time. Because of that 2 people are alive today instead of 3 people dead.

This type of career is not for the weak hearted. Just remember you did well! You acted instead of stood by. You did it without training! This kind of thing happens even to the best trained. It's a judgement call. Don't second guess yourself now. You did well!

Answer 2

Yep! Know how you feel - won't go into graphic details but it involved a train - your feelings are not uncommon and like you counselling didn't help.

First of - YOU SAVED THREE LIVES to ONE LOSS - that is a good return.

Wheelchair - OK you moved him and he is in a wheelchair - but that is better than being burned alive - the smell of burning human flesh is not one you will ever forget - TRUST ME on that one. Ask his wife and him and in ten years his baby - how they feel - they will be grateful to the end of their lives that you helped.

The woman in the car was probably already dead so you could have done nothing to help.

Now look at it from another viewpoint - YOU saved One Man - One Woman and One Baby - a whole family saved in one go.

In my experience - I would have settled for 3 out 4.

The whole thing is - you did your best and did it well.

You did NOTHING wrong - in fact you did more than most would have done or been able to do.

Your LEGACY is - you saved three human lives that day - be proud - not sad. It does take time to get over - it took me years but my scenario was different but you will get over it and believe me - it makes you a stronger person.

If you want you can mail me and talk it over

ADDED: OK so now we are straight - still NOT your fault - beyond your control - if the baby was thrown into the front it is highly likely that he/she was dead before you got there.

The woman must have had internal injuries to die so quickly - so once again not your fault and nothing you could have done anyway. What you are feeling is guilt because you COULDN't help - not because you helped and failed. You have to remember one thing - it was out of your control - nothing you could have done would have changed the outcome - I am betting that the baby wasn't in a car seat and the mother wasn't wearing a seat belt. Again, not your fault - The choice to help a certain person at a certain time is not an easy one - you could easily have made a different choice and ALL could have died. It is the not knowing that is the problem here.

Trust me - you did more than enough to try to help - you have no reason to feel guilt or sadness because of what you might have been able to do or not do

Answer 3

You done good fruitcake and you should be proud. You are a lifesaver. I had an uncannily similar situation.

Two boy racers passed me on a dual carriageway. Seconds later I saw a pall of smoke. I drove on to find one car smashed into a stone wall and the other on its roof on fire in the middle of the road. A kid was lying in the road. I saw him move. The car in the wall was empty so I presumed the lad lying motionless in the road was the driver. So I went to the car that was on fire and wrestled to get the door open. I burnt my arm so kicked the window in. I then saw there was no-one in it. The lad in the road was from this car and had been thrown out somehow. During the time I spent pissing around with the burning car he died. It turned out the driver of the car that smashed into the wall had legged it.

So I made a wrong call. If I had given assistance to the kid in the road I may have saved him ( I am trained first aider ) but I chose the wrong option.
It is a fine line between hero and a wrong decision. I live with that.

But you....you are a hero and you should be proud that you saved those lives.

Answer 4

Let me start by telling you that you and your husband are true angels. You did what most people would not do, that is sacrifice your own safety in an attempt to save another. I understand the artocity you have experienced, and that this is life changing, and you will never forget that day and it's events. But, you have to remember that you and your husband did all that you possibly could have done. No one, especially yourself, should expect any more than that. I understand that you feel "guilt" over not having been able to save the woman and the child, but darling, you were at the right place at the right time, for the right reason. Don't ever think that it is due to your negilgence that the other two victims did not survive the incident. Allow yourself to mourn the loss of their lives, even grieve empathetically for the man who survived and lost his family. But, you are in no way, shape or form, GUILTY of anything. 40 seconds is not a lot of time, don't you know that what you did was a miracle? You are wonderful, even if you don't want to feel like you are, but you ARE, and you are heroes, even more for not attempting to make light of your part in any of this. As much as that man may suffer the remainder of his life, don't you think that he thanks his lucky stars every day, that two people stopped and at least TRIED to save all of them? I am not sure if you believe in G-d or any of that, but your actions were truly out of love, and caring for other human lives. Do you know how great that makes you? You did the work of G-d that day. I believe that, and your sorrow is not felt wrong, it is completely normal. You are a truly wonderful and compassionate person, not many people fit that bill. Just know that there is nothing any of us can tell you to make you stop feeling sadness, but please, please, give yourself credit for what you have done. You saved a life, one life is still worth something! You and your husband put your own lives at risk, with 40 seconds to do the impossible. Take the time you need to mourn, take the time you need to rethink, and then take the time to accept, and to move on. Again, I do not know if you have any belief in G-d, but I will tell you that that woman and her baby are in Heaven and are smiling down on you. Every time there is a sun beam that hits you just a certain way, to make you look up and squint, they are sending you kisses from heaven. Know that they are no longer suffering, and that they know you did all that you possibly could have done. I can not say what I would have done had I been in your shoes that day, or any day. But I will pray for the courage and bravery you had that day, if G-d ever calls on me to save someone else. If I could, I would give you both halos to wear, even if you were the only ones who could see them. I hope this helps you find peace within yourself. Bless your hearts!

Answer 5

Actually you have done your best. If at the time of the accident you were as trained as now, teh strory would have been better off but since you succeed in saving a life with your efforts and the help of God, just have it that it the Lord that give life and is he that has the power to take life as well. We Pray that may their soul rest in the bossom of the Lord.

The only regret is that you could not do more why because you have not been trained for the nature of job "Accident Rescure Team" if you were, you would have safe more lives but since that has come and gone, forget about it and move ahead praying continually that God should not allow such a horrific accident to happen again.

Answer 6

A Question for You: How much responsibility do you want to have for this / that / whatever!

~ Some of this might possibly seem a bit 'Harsh' - BUT ~

Some people (for whatever reason/s) are at their best (so to speak) when they carry a burden, and they apparently seem capable of 'choosing which one it is they want to carry.' It seems to define them somehow ~ at least in their own heads.

Counselling didn't help! Well, that depends on whether you wanted it to and or, in what way you wanted it to ....and, how might you have been without it too.

[ Counselling and the Counsellor, like Medicine and Surgery, are not always the answer to or a panacea to all ~ and there's the possibility that they next counsellor you meet might be the one too help! But anyway......]

I cannot really imagine what it must have been like (emotionally) in your shoes on that day ~ although I've experiences with being 'peripherally' involved and have felt guilty at leaving the scene for others to get on and do their parts, and simply go home to bed. So, I'm not without some understanding and some empathy too.

You are not 'a God,' you can only do what you are capable of doing given the circumstances. That is the boundary for you, but if you 'choose' to want to widen the boundary and carry those feelings about with you, then it's more than likely you have your own good reasons for doing so (I suggest).

I wish for you 'Peace.'
Sash.

Answer 7

sweetie! You did the right thing! most humans would just sit on there front porch and watch!

You did everything you could to save a life or two! Your intent was to get them out of the car and in a recovery posistion and that is what you did!
The car accident it self put that lady in poor health her self not you. You did everything you could! It would be nice to be in two places at onces but unless you caused the car acciednt you did everything you could!

are you going to feel bad! Why yes your not super women/man so you can't save everyone does it suck yeah. should it control your life no. your intent wasn't to kill it was to help your heart is right on key!

So nice to see great people!
if it was me and my partner and i had a baby I would hope you would put me on the side and save my husband but my baby before any of us!

if i died after you pulled me out of the car Thanks for giving me the chance to try to make it by not burning!~

Good job!

Answer 8

you sound like a strong person. You have to remember it wasn't your fault and you did the best you could with the knowledge you had at the time. I commend you for your bravery. Guilt? No. Nobody who helps others should feel guilt because there is no way you could've saved them all. I feel for you, and you are a great person for doing what you did. Everyone should thank you for that. There are not enough people in this world like you.

Answer 9

specific, in a fashion he does and in a fashion he does not. He facilitates evil to exist for despite his motives may be, to comprehend what suffering is and in reality to nevertheless love God even nonetheless you have been by hell. Why is a large question, why certainly does God enable some terrible issues ensue..i think of that because of the fact we ought to discover ways to forgive the unforgiveable, to mimic the divine nature. to allow evil to exist is purely a lesson in what evil particularly is. the way it impacts human beings, the way it hurts them. Why the strikes of a few human beings should not be observed, and as a assessment to the forged others are able to. the greater serious a incorrect committed is, the greater fee reliable has that rises above it. specific, it replaced into ill and terrible. faith could motivate the perception that God will make all issues precise contained in the tip, after evil has had its day, and that suffering is unquestionably a factor that brings us closer to God or motives us to reject God. The destroyers of the earth who're unrepentant will ought to stand earlier God and supply an accounting of their deeds, yet people who've suffered would be comforted.

Answer 10

You need to realize that this is not your fault. THEY chose to drive that day and THEIR actions are what caused the wreck. YOU had nothing to do with what occurred. You could have done nothing and it STILL would not have been your fault. You know you are a hero to some people, maybe you should learn to see yourself in that light. If you cannot accept this then you're in trouble and will just have to learn to deal with it the rest of your life.