should infidelty be forgiven esp if the my hsbnd does not feel that he is doin anythng wrng but i love him?

Question

my husbnd, started to live with another girl only 5 months after our marriage,he openly admits that he is living with her, but at the same time claims that he doesnt have the same feelings for that girl that he had 8 months back and is planning to leave her in 2-3 months, i've been waiting for him since past 8 months.he doesnt feel guilty for any thing,never opologized.but since i loved him, should i give him some more time, or in other words try my luck again. in our culture marriage and divorce are very important events ,having strong impact on future life

Answer 1

Get rid of him now.

Answer 2

Marriage is important in your culture and yet your husband is living with another woman? That makes no sense at all. Your husband obviously doesn't feel the same way about marriage as you do. Unless your culture advocates multiple wives/spouses, what he is doing is wrong and he knows it. Even in a culture with multiple wives, all parties involved should agree upon the situation. If your culture's view on marriage includes only ONE wife, then it's obvious he has no respect for you or your marriage. If he's not sorry now, what makes you think this won't happen again in the future? You have a lot more patience than I do, because I wouldn't have waited around for a week, let alone months. You need to decide where you want your life to go. Is it going to be spent waiting for this man? Or do you see something better for yourself? I hope beyond hope that you see something better for yourself and act upon it.

Answer 3

HEEELLOOOO... HOW COULD U DO THAT???? Are u aware that u just let him have an affair for months?...Having an affair!!! Which implies, spending time with the other women when he should be with you, has sex with her when he should with u, spends his MONEY on her when he should spend it on U AND HIM PERIOD... I think u were too soft on him and should have cut the evil from the bud...
And hon, sorry to say it, but it's also ur fault that u reached this point... u should have taken care of this looong before the situation transformed into something this serious...
The guy sounds like a total jackass, didnt even appologize or felt sorry, what r u , his property or something?...treating u like a door mat?... Have a talk with him and set a deadline for his small "extra marital" relation... u have to stand up for urself... Either he stays with u , either he doesnt... Are u his slave or something???
Marriage and divorce may be important in ur culture, but what do u prefer?... Staying married and being treated as if u dont matter and he can just walk over u and ur dignity, or ending this relation with ur head held high and dumping the cheating bastard?

Answer 4

This is not really about infidelity. This is about control and power. Your husband has a personality disorder. That means that he does not understand the difference between what is right and what is wrong. His promises mean zero.
You talk about your culture. Your marriage vows must mean something in your culture. If your husband had an affair, ended it, and asked your forgiveness; you might be able to forgive him. He is not asking for forgiveness, because he has not ended the action and he has not considered your feelings.
When a spouse has transferred his affections, intimacy, and residence to another woman; he has taken your marriage apart. He is most likely also giving her money. Even if you are his legal wife, you do not have a true marriage with him. Really, it was over when he set up house with her. And it is not your fault.
I suggest that you go to a female elder, from your culture; one who is progressive in her views. Get her help and support as you end this relationship and regain your self-esteem. Take the time to ask around and find someone who is a strong woman, who won't tell you to continue this soul-destroying relationship.
Take care dear.

Answer 5

If culture and marriage is of up most important then so should infidelity. Your husband seems to have no incentive to commit to the marriage. He has learn-ed that he can cheat and that you will still forgive him regardless of anything. Forgiving someone is one thing, being a doormat is another. Why should he change, he has nothing to lose, he could give in to the temptation of fornicating with another woman, and still have you when he wants to. Your kind heart and forgiving nature is not appealing to him, in fact this type of acceptance on your part has taught him to disrespect you. You really need to sit down and seriously think about what the sacred union of marriage really means and hopefully you will then realise that you are only being an unwilling participant to his adulterous behaviour. It takes two people to create a situation, you either continue to accept this or you don't. I do hope you get some legal advice to start divorce proceedings as this is no way near a marriage, in fact his behaviour is an insult to the sacred sacrament of marriage. Best of luck to you!

Answer 6

Ditch him right now, you deserve much better. Are you happy with him and the relationship as it is now? If not, why waste your time on a loser like him? If he truely doesn't have the "same feelings" for the girl as he has for you, why did he start living with her in the first place? If he truely loves you, why does he have to have a plan to break up with her and not do it right away? I really question how truthful he is about his dedication towards you and your marriage. You'd given him to chance to work it out but obviously he's unwilling to do so. I understand about the culture you came from because I came from a similar one. It's a matter of weighing the cultural perceptions of your action against your own happiness. Persoanlly I would prefer (and I have the right) to be happy.

Answer 7

Why is it women only look at how they feel about someone and not how the other person feels about them? We can love many people, so why not love someone who loves you back? In the United States, no most women would have already kicked him to the curb. I would think divorce would have a strong impact on making your future brighter, by giving a man who loves you a chance to spend his life with YOU, not some other woman! Best wishes on whatever you decide.

Answer 8

Listen, this is just unacceptable behavior. I understand that marriage and divorce are important matters and should not be taken lightly but what do you think he's doing right now....I'll tell you, he's taking your marriage vows lightly without a bit of respect for you. Are you going to let him do this to you the rest of your life....cause thats what is going to happen. There should be you, and only you that he loves and respects. Do you have children....I hope not because I would not want my daughter growing up thinking that it is ok to get treated that way and I would not want my son feeling that it is ok to to treat his wife with such disrespect! I do feel for you, and I am not trying to make you feel worse but you are a human being with feelings and the sooner he understands that the sooner you can get your life back on track

Answer 9

If there is no guilt there is no conscience. He left you after 5 months for someone else and is now again moving on from her. Your husband owes you an apology, more than one apology by my standards. In this day and age, even if your culture holds an importance for marriage and divorce, being neglected and disrespected also has an impact on your future. Do what makes you happy, know if it happens again you husband in not worthy of you.

Answer 10

I almost never say "give up" but I think you've taken more than what you ought to have to this point.

Just the fact that he's married to you and within 5 months of your marriage chooses to live with another woman is grounds to get rid of him.

But the more important point is he isn't guilty or doesn't think what he is doing is wrong. I think if nothing else, you'll have to move on with your life just for that one reason. You could give him more time or can even be supportive only if he is genuinely apologetic for his behavior and is willing to change. He definitely doesn't deserve you. good luck.

Answer 11

If there is no guilt or remorse what will stop him from doing this again? Coming back to you with the attitude he did nothing wrong will only set you up for more hurt in the future. If you want him back and are willing to take the chance then you can't make it easy for him. You two need to start completely over, lets see if he's willing to romance you and win your love back. He has alot to prove to you before you should consider committing to another long term relationship with him. Wish you the best.