Here's the deal. Maybe I am being selfish, but what to do?

Question

My hubby has children that live about 2 hours away, I have children who live close and have shared custody of. Every year his one son plays football and we have to drive 4 hours RT to pick them up on Fridays, 4 hours RT on Sat to games and 4 hours RT on Sunday to take them home. Either I go with him to the games or he feels neglected, we leave all of the other children at home, because they don't want to go. This summer he said that he was not going to do all of the driving and work out an alternative arrangement. Last night his son called and sure enough we are back on the same schedule. I am upset because he just jumped in to this without letting me know that it was going back to the same old routine. There are plans that have been made by the other kids during this football season and now they have to be told that they can't do these things, or I have to tell my husband that I don't want to go with him because the other children need me. He likes me to go with him to support

this one son and to keep his ex from hanging all over him. I am really angry.

Answer 1

You're not being selfish at all. He should try comprimising with the wife about meeting half way at least some of the time. He sounds like an excellent father that wants to be a part of his son's life and you should encourage him to do so. But it isn't fair to the other children they should have the same amount of attention focused on them. Have you discussed moving closer to his son?

Answer 2

He can't neglect his son so he has to go pick him up even if it was an 8 hour drive. It is ridiculous for you to have to ride along each and every time on the pick ups and drop offs. You do need to go to the football games because you are this childs stepmother and need to treat him as if he was your own. Marriage is about compromise so tell your husband you will make so many trips a month on the pick ups and drop offs and will attend all the games but that is where you draw the line.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Prudence.. Your husband should support his son, you are not obligated to do the same just because you married him. You can stay home with your kids and hope the ex doesn't hang all over your husband. On the other hand, if it were important that your family be together, there are ways to make time for all of the children. Sacrifice is always a mothers job.

Answer 4

You all need to sit as a family and figure things out. Maybe you hubby could go everyother game or something and when he does go down on a friday get a hotel and then bring his son back on Saturday. Maybe the ex could meet him half way on the drive home Sunday. Your other children should go to a game once in a while as this is a sibling of theirs now. Tell you hubby you will go once a month with him. There is always room for compromise if you can talk to each other.

Answer 5

I think I'd just tell him, this is crazy, ok I'm sure every parent loves to be around for their kids sporting events and so forth, but in the same sence when its a 4 hour round trip I don't think its out of line for him to say he can't go every weekend..if the childs mother isn't willing to help out with the driving. Your other children don't want to be neglected on the w/ends for football games. You should stay behind with your kids and take them to do things. Who cares if your husband feels alone at these games..your kids are probably feeling alone at home. Which is more important to you?

Answer 6

First of all you and your husband have kids and he has children also from previous relationship or marriage right. okay now you have been going along with your husband to take the other kids out for sports you and your husband leave the other kids at home. he feels neglected if you don't go with him listen you started this. You made plans for the other kids to do things this fall right the only thing i am saying that those kids are important to. you had already made plans with them now the other child wants his father to take him for the foot ball season. you just tell your husband that you made plans with the other kids and that's what you will be doing.
stop putting the other kids off because they will grow up to resent you. If your husband cant understand this to bad.
Best of luck

Answer 7

This is a classic situation in which a person (you) is feeling manipulated to behave in a certain way (go to games) due to the decisions of someone else (your husband). You would do well to handle this situation with assertiveness. A key point here is that he "likes" you to go. You would do well not to switch that in your mind to the idea that he "needs" you to go, because he doesn't. Accept that whether or not you go lies completely within your power, not his. So, step back and ask yourself what a reasonable compromise would be. Perhaps every other game would suffice to appease your (not his) sense of fairness.

It is important for you to decide what you are going to do, and then, before football season begins, have a conversation with your husband. Tell him exactly what you're going to do, and what you're not going to do. Tell him this in a calm but firm tone of voice. If necessary, explain to him that choosing this schedule was something he decided without you, and that therefore the way you react to his decision is entirely your decision.

The situation you have described in your question doesn't have to turn into a fight. Nor, does this need to be a situation in which you clam up, do what your husband wants, and build up resentment toward him. Instead, decide, within the context of your love for your husband, exactly what you are willing to do for him, assertively inform him of your decision, and then follow through.

Answer 8

That is just goofy that you have to go along on every single one of these trips MY GODD!. YOu have other children!! Tell your hubby you will go along for SOME but cant for ALL of the trips. The entire family should NOT be put on hold because of 1 kids football schedule. The other kids have needs too and your hubby should learn to deal with his ex. Enough is Enough.

Answer 9

I was all set to fault you for begrudging your husband's time with his son, until your last bit. Going to the boy's games isn't the big deal, the big deal is hubby allowing an ex to be too chummy. That IS a big deal, and you are right to not like it. But, IF you have to be there to prevent hubby and ex from behaving inappropriately, you haven't got a husband. He hasn't ended or resolved his relationship with his ex. Stop being so understanding. Tell hubby that you aren't putting up with him being cozy with his ex. IF he isn't enough of a husband to be yours alone, he isn't worth having. Yup, make him choose. And not soon, or he'll work on it. Now, or never. Good luck.

Answer 10

hes there for you and your children all the time. you have to be there for his kids. this is the only time he gets to see his son doing something he likes, and thats part of being parents.just schudle things around that time and remember he doesnt complain about doing things for your family. kids grow up fast enough and sooner than later he wont have that time for his boy.remember you came into a already made family and there are prices you have to pay even when you dont want to.