Am I being used?

Question

My own house, boyfriend moves in, been together for six years works he works hard on house, then son moves in, then dog appears, drinks like a fish, takes me out when he has finished drinking with mates, I only seem to fit into things when it suits, nothing goes on in bedroom dept. am I being used? If I try to talk about things then I am accused of being mardy. I am 47 years old and dont wont to live round a drunk, I cook, clean, etc. and hes well looked after, but its not enough. Am I wasting my time or should I keep trying?

Answer 1

Yeah I'd say so! Talk to him about it!

Answer 2

YES, YOU ARE WASTING YOUR TIME. Especially if you think he's going to change. He's NOT. What are you -- a woman or a doormat?! Kick that sot to the curb! So what if he accuses you of being "mardy" (whatever that is)? He will say or do anything in order to keep the sweet deal he's got now -- no marital ties, and basically a live-in housekeeper. Apparently, guilt seems to work on you.

You're 47 -- honey, just how much more time do you want to spend on this guy? You've invested six years -- that's plenty of time for him to decide whether or not he wants to get married. It's past time to cut your losses. Frankly, given his behavior, I wouldn't marry him now if I were you, anyway (assuming that you even *want* to get married -- you might not, for all I know.)

If you don't want to live like this, DON'T. Grow a spine, scape up some self-respect and make some changes.

Answer 3

what? well it seems to be that u are even more than father christmas lol. To be honest with you, talk things over with him about what u feel, u've got to be in control at the end of the day if anything happens u will suffer the most, so get ur feet down and tell him "hi man, i've hard enough of ur drinking and the idea of only fitting into ur life when there is space, if u want to be serious let's start now but if not please with all due respect move out!".
Love is hard but think about the emotional stress u are going through. I hope he reason's with you so that u two can work something out, so to answer ur question u are being used but if u two love urselves i hope u can work something out. good luck.

Answer 4

I think you know the answer to that deep down. Its not that you are necessarily being used, and perhaps your boyfriend does not see that he is doing anything wrong, but certainly he is not putting you or your relationship first, and he is not respecting you. I can't say whether he is actively using you or not without knowing him or his attitudes.

The fact is, you have been together six years, but it is your house, and he should show respect for that in itself. To only have time for you when he has finished with his mates tell me that he is taking you and your relationship for granted. If as you say, he is a drunk, then I would suggest that you start thinking about ending this relationship, as the chances of him changing are slim as he does not seem to prize you or the relationship enough to listen to your concerns.

If you feel the relationship is worth saving, then you must find a way to speak to him and get your point accross. This will not be possible when he is drunk or planning on going out and getting drunk. Your best bet would be to give him a few days warning, and tell him, please don't make plans on Saturday morning, there is something I need to discuss with you. If he asks you what it is, say that you would rather keep it until Saturday as it requires some time and you don't want to do it when he is rushing off somewhere. If he insists on talking about it then and there make sure he has not got plans to be somewhere soon so that you can talk properly. You will need to tell him that you are not happy with the relationship and that you feel that you are being taken for granted. Try not to use sentences beginning with "you always" or "you never" or "you're the one that", all these can be seen as inflamatory and accusatory and may make him feel defensive which means his barriers are likely to come up and you will achieve little. Try to start sentences wtih things like "when you do so and so, I feel...." . You will need to explain to him that you feel second place to his friends and his social life and that you feel you look after him well. You will need to make sure he knows that this is crunch time, that he either shows you he cares enough about your relationship to put it first. If he won't, then it probably is time to move on. If you make that decision, be firm, don't draw it out, give him enough time to find somewhere for him, his son and his dog to move to. You are still young enough to find someone to appreciate you and make you happy, but do take some time out to be on your own before you think about dating. Learning to live happily and comfortably with yourself will mean that you will not be in a position of lonliness when you meed people, and less likely to fall for the first person to cross your path, which is something we can do all too easily. Take time to heal, to learn where you have gone wrong and what you need to change about yourself in order to prevent the same situation from happening again.

I would also suggest that if you do ask him to leave, that you seek legal advice, I know it is your house, but by your own admission he has worked hard on the house, and if he has payed anything towards it, he may have a legal claim on it. I hope it all works out for you, whichever way it goes. God bless.

Answer 5

If you really love him then you can try a couples counseling thing or just talking, but if he won't listen or calls you names when your being sincere I think you should kick him out. It will hurt because after so long it is hard to start all over but you might just find Mr.Right. :)
also keep the dog :) It will be good to have a dog if you decide to live alone for a while.

Answer 6

You know you are being used . His actions show it and you asking this questions solidified your feelings . Get him out . Put his things and fish and dog to the curb and tell him it's over . If not , then you deserve the punishment you are getting . He will tell you , Ilove you , I worked like a dog around this house , I did thiss I did that , You won' get another man like me (thank the good Lord ),,, He will use every game in the book , but stick to your guns and get him out of there . Let me know how it goes ... Good Luck !

Answer 7

I hate to say it, but it sounds like you are wasting your time. I would tell him to grow up & move on. It's hard to do. I kicked my husband of 6 yrs out early this year. I paid all the bills, did all the cooking & cleaning, took care of our 2 small children...all of it....on top of working a full time job. Granted I threw him out cause he was cheating on me....but still. You dont have to put up with it & I wouldnt. Tell him how you feel. You will thank yourself later.

Answer 8

at least bring up the issue with him before you pack it all in, and dont bring it up when your both drunk either. tell him how you feel a little lonely and unwanted and perhaps hell get the hint to make more of an effort, if not then simply dont tidy, dont cook and dont clean! do what you want like he does and then if that doesnt work, say bye bye!

Answer 9

It seems he has got it easy, someone to clean wash his laundry.. yes, you are right to try and talk to him, it seems he is avoiding the questions. If you want things to change, and he doesn't listen, then tell him what you want and if doesn't want to know then you are wasting your time, get rid of him, you will find someone who will respect you and take of you and not the other way round. good luck

Answer 10

It sounds like you know the answer to that. I believe when you are in a relationship, you should come first to each other. Try talking to him and tell him how you feel. You can then say you gave him a chance to change.

Answer 11

you have to ask yourself why you let him move in in the beginning. then the way i see it if its your house you cook you clean you pay your bills and theres no sex then it sounds like six years wasted. he either needs to man up or man OUT