My husband and I were married for a short while before he was sent off to prison for 4 years. Now he has been out for a few weeks. He is adapting pretty good, he has already found a job and wants to do better this time.
My problem is that as his wife, I know he is having some psychological issues, but I dont know how to deal with him. How can I help to "re-build" his self esteem without hurting his feelings or insulting his manhood.
Can someone please tell me how to deal with this, I am becoming very stressed, because I feel that I need to be there for him.
2007-09-05 01:47:19 · 19 answers · asked by Peanut2007 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This may be really hard for you. Regardless of the reason he went to prison, I applaud you for waiting on him. That shows that you can persevere and that you have strength and faith. The best thing you can do is stay supportive and keep showing those qualities.
Keep in mind that he led a very different life in prison and while I don't think he was there long enough for this to become a problem, some people become 'institutionalized'. He will need some time to adjust to being back in the 'real' world. Having his life thrust back upon him with all the responsibilities that come with being a husband may be daunting.
Just stand behind him and I'm sure all will work out well. If you are seriously worried about him then you could look into some kind of counseling or support group that the two of you could attend to gether to help him deal with whats going on. If you do decide to try getting some outside help, stick with him and try to be a part of that so he doesn't feel like there is something 'wrong with him.
If you look at your city website or the local health department website there are usually links you can follow to get more info on counseling or attending a group in your community.
I hope all works out well for you. you are a Strong, faithful person and I believe you can get through this transition. God Bless.
2007-09-05 02:02:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi there, he's a very lucky man to have you first of all. Secondly coming out of prison is as traumatic and scary as going in. Your husband has come through a regime where he was told to eat, sleep and had to ask permission for everything down to a new toothbrush.You are there for him he can see that and really it is just a matter of time for him. He needs to re-intergrate with you and with life and this can't be easy. It's great that he has a job though and what might be good is maybe mentioning to him that he can use his experience to help others not so fortunate when they come out of prison, maybe doing some charity work where he can feel that he is contributing to society therefore eradicating he guilt. I don't know what he did but if it was possible he could check out the local football teams to see if they needed help or something else like this. He will of course be nervous but I think with your support you should both do ok, good luck..
2007-09-05 09:08:13 · answer #2 · answered by patlynn2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just read this about being stressed about a situation. Thought it was brilliant. Hope it helps.....
"Take a look at who or what you trying to gain control over, and then remember this very basic truth: the only person you can have control over is yourself. I often try to gain control over circumstances and suddenly realize that the situation is a more difficult than I am able to handle. These moments become "Aha! Moments": the moment you realize God may actually have the circumstances there for a reason. Are you working against God? If so, that will always be really stressful. Relieve anxiety by learning that He allows circumstances in your life for a reason. When you are able to do this, your stress will lessen considerably (Romans 8:28-29)."
2007-09-05 09:09:51 · answer #3 · answered by wawixworld 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him he was sent to prison as a punishment and he found out the hard way what type of people are in places like that. He can either dwell on the past or work to rebuild his life in a postitive manner now that he has his freedom and if he was a smart man, he would do everything in is power to ensure he never gets sent back in.
2007-09-05 09:50:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel that if you want to continue in this marriage you both need counseling. I had a husband that became very depressed and he had nothing left to give, I ended up leaving him because I thought he didnt like me anymore, I was not able to help him and he rejected me on every turn, he refused counseling, I think if we could have had the counseling we may have saved our marriage. It takes two to tango, you cant do it alone he has to be willing to do his share. Be careful of not becomming co-dependent, this is part of the reason you need counseling, you will also learn the best way to help him cope and it may be easier than you think, you may be trying too hard. Good luck.
2007-09-05 09:02:30 · answer #5 · answered by Brandy 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just being there means a lot. He will have a lot of issues to deal with. Times are going to be stressful for you .He may have some insecurity as he was not there for you for 4 years .Take each day as it comes with a good attitude and continue to be the good wife that you are. Just do what comes natural to you .As long as your intent is not to insult him or belittle then you have no worries. These must be difficult times for you as well .Dont forget to take care of yourself first. Good Luck
2007-09-05 08:59:31 · answer #6 · answered by jennifer 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
talk is the best way for you now him better. there maybe cahnges while you 2 were apart but the love and trust is still tjere? its time to do some catching up and patching too?
there maybe some help after the prison release like counselling...try that?
if not get some professional help...its worth for the relationship?
just b eunderstanding for what he has been hru in prison and how he feels while released and in the real world? he may feel small, allienated and wronged to low esteem....
be patient and get his trust and let him open up and sole the probelms together...hopefully....
good luck.
2007-09-05 08:53:05 · answer #7 · answered by coffee_tea_or 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have never been in this situation, but I would imagine that you would need to DATE each other again. You have not had much time together as a married couple and he has been away for 4 years. I'm sure that during that time that you have talked/visitted, but being with someone day in and day out is something that you have to adjust to.
2007-09-05 08:52:21 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are already there for him and standing by him for 4 years shows this. I would give him as much space as he needs, he will need to test his wings every now and then, tell and show him that you love him and in every event that he has succeeded praise him and tell him you are proud, that will boost his ego and make him feel wanted even more. You are doing a great job.Dont stress you are/have been there. He is a lucky chap! xx
2007-09-05 08:57:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He should be grateful you are there at all. I would just let him process and carry on with the normal daily routines. You shouldn't have to walk on egg shells because he has (respect me problems). He is responsible for his self esteem. You gain self esteem by doing esteem-able acts.
2007-09-05 09:04:05 · answer #10 · answered by diamondbullet66 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋