The jilting wife and reconciliation -does it ever happen?

Question

I have written before about my wife of thirty years, who abruptly threw me out, although very, very calmly. It had something to do with extreme delays in my *!!* doctoral thesis (now a shambles). I am surrounded by couples breaking up at about the same stage in life: after twenty or thirty years, the wife calmly announces (among the standard lines that came up in EVERY case I know) that

a) she wants to do something else with her life (something, hum, creative);
b) he decision has nothing to do with him (he must not feel so important...), it all proceeds from a deep evolutionary change inside her.

I am devastated. It has been nine months now, and she NEVER calls, and has forbidden me to discuss reconciliation.

One fellow tells me that 'they' (the jilting wives) usually come back after a while (his took two or three years; he refused her). I am at the end of my rope.

Does anyone out there know of just one example of a marriage that healed after the wife had broken it up in this way?

Answer 1

Nope. That one's stopped up like a toilet. Go find some hookers and call it even.

Answer 2

No....I don't know of the first marriage that has reconciled...Most of them just move on. I was.....where you are. My husband after 30 years decided he wasn't happy. Now, over the course of the marriage we had troubles, just like any other couple but I never thought it was ever serious enough to get a divorce... In my case, I knew what the trouble was, ANOTHER WOMAN, someone he met a work after a job promotion. All of the cases I have seen where a long marriage desolves, is is ALWAYS because there is someone else involved., All the ones I've seen is that...no one moves on unless they are moving toward someone new, someone they think are better...Good luck to ya. I've been divorced for a few years and never been happier. Very glad he's gone and now when I look back, wish he had done it sooner...Maybe this a blessing for you.There are some good women out there that will love and appreciate you....

Answer 3

As you seem to already know there is a large crowd of us out here. We all have had the same Crap from our wives. In my case it was me that told her to leave and not come back. I knew what she was up to and knew it would be best to just get it over with. No not another man but then soon there was. Mostly it was being too much the same every day. I was feeling it as well and when she started talking about going to work and other things I knew I had to find another life. I sold everything and left for other places and never looked back.

Not perfect at all. Sure better than so many others I know that are stuck in the same old rut.

Answer 4

You should have at least gotten a gold watch,my friend! Seriously though, I do know of couples who have reconciled after 40 years, had a short separation and back for more! I advise you to use a technique we men invented. It is called Compartmentalization. Simply, forget your ego, jealousy, anger betrayal, (do you see the fog your looking through?), and take an inventory of your relationship the last 5-7 years. You know there are other reasons she left, and they don't have to make sense to you, but you have to try "see" point of view. Another guy is window dressing, and not a consideration as to blame, in my opinion. I detect a sarcasm, disguised as dry wit in your question. And Bud, nobody is responsible for your Thesis but you. Once one becomes educated, maturity sometimes follows.

Make a conscious effort to LIVE a life you are happy with. Time will pass, you will get strong and who knows? And if she doesn't come back, she should,(and in time will!) become your best friend.

Self discovery friend, next time you start venting at her, go to a mirror. You will see at least half the problem. I wish you luck, but whether she comes back or no, you have a lot of work to do on yourself.

Answer 5

Hi there, I think it highly unlikely as she had 30 years of experience to draw back on to make her decision. She says its not you but it is half true, she has spent her life looking and bringing up a family, in this time womens own wants and needs are put on the back boiler, she wants her freedom to live her life as she chooses, some couples are lucky that they grow with there partners and enjoy happy retirements but a large majority grow apart and at the end have different wants. you are still young enough to meet someone else and should maybe try to be upbeat about this. I hope this helps..

Answer 6

sorry man, life sucks. dont know of any marriages saved after a spouse wanted to make a "change". She has "discovered herself and is probably feeling secure in the fact that shes got a security blanket to wrap up in (you). Take away her blanket, hard as it is, force yourself to completely ignore her, pray for chance encounters with her and then act very professional and detached. Trust me, once the blanket is gone, she will feel some of what you are feeling. Your marriage may never work out but would you really want it to if you had to ""CONVINCE"" your mate that you are whats best for her.

Answer 7

I understand what your going through, the only way it can heal is time, time will eventually will over come your hurts, and pain
ask yourself, if you were to do the same thing, you think she will understand the situation, when some you love so much doesn't love you back in return the same way lett them go

Answer 8

If i was in your shoes i would not even think about taking her back. She is no good for you. After thirty years of marriage, she wants to do something else with her life.bull crap. Get on with your life.

Answer 9

there's always a story to both sides to why she threw you out, if you have tried to reconcile and she doesn't and refuse your calls then move on. don't follow what other ppl are doing, just b/c couples get back tother afrte 2- 3 yrs are you going to waste your life away waiting to get w/her. there are good women out there, start looking.

Answer 10

There needs to be a change in you. Maybe you should try harder in the marriage and let her be free to do what she wants but still love her. Don't control. Love and let free to fly. Marriage is work and commitment.

Answer 11

i have never heard of one working out. when they go they are gnerally not coming back or what ever reason it was they find being alone with someone else or what is best. so to you just quit and go find someone else there are alot of women out there or maybe by ourself you would be happier.