When I was divorced in 1989, I grabbed the "bull by the horns" so to speak and went to college, graduated with a nursing degree and have worked full time to raise 2 kids for the last 13 yrs. My ex did not pay child support or help me.
Now I date a 54 yr old man who has a daughter who literally sits on her rear end, doesnt work, can never pay her bills, mooches off her dad and thinks she has the authority as his daughter to treat me like a dog. I stand up for myself unequivacably and refuse to let this 25 yr old mooching, unable to pay her bills, never worked a full time job in her life kind of nobody treat me bad. She talks to her dad like I am a dog and has never been successful at anything except pregnancy and sitting on her rear and letting other people supervise her children.
Am I being sensible or should I let it go? I dont intend to marry him, but I do intend to stick up for myself and what I have accomplished in life. No one especially not her is going to treat me bad.
2007-09-05 00:03:08 · 20 answers · asked by happydawg 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are a tonic I have to tell you!! Let me ask you this, would you allow your children to treat you like this? Would you allow your children to treat you partner like this? No you wouldn't you do not lose your identity when you are with someone and you have been patient way too long with this woman. If this were a child you would f course approach these things with a bit more tact, but this is an adult and you should not be expected to put up with this. You didn't work your butt off to be anyones doormat!! kick her into touch and if daddy has a problem give him the left boot!! Good luck
2007-09-05 00:17:39 · answer #1 · answered by patlynn2 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you are right in standing up for yourself. I think you also need to be the mature person here and see what you can maybe do to be an example for this "child" who is no child at all. Have you always been perfect or led a perfect life? Did you have lessons to learn before you became successful? If you plan to be involved with this man for any length of time you'll be dealing with his daughter. Maybe he hasn't been the best example for her, maybe her mother hasn't either. You really don't know what was going on before you entered the picture. You are just dealing with the results. Your accomplishments are great but if you want to get on her level you are going to have to be real and honest with her. Try to get on her level, let her know where you screwed up in life and show her how you came out of it. I'm sure she's not very happy mooching off of her father and wants to have some kind of life for herself but no one has really shown her how. You don't have to be her mother but if you want to have him in your life you'll both be happier if you can somehow become her friend. Good luck :)
2007-09-05 08:26:53 · answer #2 · answered by oracleofohio 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello and congratulations on making an excellent recovery after divorce. This takes a great deal of courage and I can relate to your story. I have a similar situation with my current Girlfriend's two daughters. They treat me worse than you would treat your dog. I say hello to them and am completely ignored - very difficult to cope with. I can only suggest that you treat this man's daughter with kindness and answer their ridicule with something like "I am sorry you feel that way". If you fight with them, this will only make matters worse. I think your man friend will understand if you want to keep away from his daughter. This will in fact be a good test for both of you. Suggest to your Man friend that you no longer wish to be abused by his daughter and make arrangements to see him where his daughter is not present. I suggest you do not try the tack that "It's Either Her Or Me" as this will never succeed. I will assume that this man loves his daughter even though she sounds like a spoilt brat. If your relationship is to develop, he will have to make a compromise between his Daughter and You. It is doubtful that he will abandon his Daughter.
Ask yourself also if you can see a future with this man. Is he what you want in a man? If so then I suggest you make a compromise with him regarding his Daughter. If not, then look elsewhere.
Good Luck - Grandpa (63)
2007-09-05 07:24:25 · answer #3 · answered by Peter F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I agree you shouldn't let her treat you like dirt. however, i doubt that by arguing with her you are helping your relationship with your partner. Surely its his responsibility to help her realize the error of her ways. Also he should stick up for you! Have you had a discussion with your partner about this? She needs to be sat down and have the situation explained to her if she acts like a child treat her like one. Although at 25 she should be able to respond in an adult manner maybe she's never been taught how. Your good example, calm but firm responses and acting as a responsible grown up will probably be the best way forward. Good luck :-)
2007-09-05 07:22:14 · answer #4 · answered by busy bee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you are just dating should be comforting, because then you could be in control as to how he's handling this. This is his problem, not yours.
If he's going to let his daughter disrespect you and treat you like a dog, then you should confront him, because she's also disrespecting him! How could he let her get away with that. She seems to be very immature and probably very jealous of you.
Well, I would focus solely on the way he is handling this. I would then threaten that if he continues to let her act like a baby with no class or respect, you will confront her yourself and then you'll be gone.
2007-09-05 07:25:26 · answer #5 · answered by Very Honest 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is too old to be living at home. Just don't be a b**** to her if you can avoid it. I don't think teaching her a lesson by chewing her out is going to impove the situation, but maybe behaving in a kind and nurturing manner will cause her to mimic your behavior. If she is in fact a child, then she's still very impressionable, and there's a chance that if you be a good role model for her, she may want to be more like you.
2007-09-05 07:12:58 · answer #6 · answered by tigergeek16 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
And I Commend You For That... You Don't Deserve It. I'd Let Her And Her Father Have It Since He Condones Her Childish Behavior.
2007-09-05 07:10:07 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Ello♥Vee♥E♥ says Shut Up, Take Notes 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His daughter - his business. It's not your business if you don't pay her bills or look after her children. Let it ride.
If she treats you badly, stand up for yourself.
You haven't given any examples, just attitudes, which seem to object to her lifestyle. And really, that's got nothing to do with you.
2007-09-05 07:14:28 · answer #8 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You go girl you need to stand up for what you believe in. no-one has the right to treat people that way, but I also think he should stand up for you and say something.I do believe you will do the right thing.
2007-09-05 07:18:36 · answer #9 · answered by deb a 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are correct in your not allowing her to treat you like crap. its not your problem that she is a female bum, its her dad problem. he has allow it for this long and only he can correct this. just continue to keep your mouth close when it comes to her being trifling but let loose when she disrespects you. or you can go to her woman to woman and kinda coach her into wanting more for herself. maybe she never really had a female role model. try encourage her to further her education and to do it all not only for herself but for her children. thats the positive side of it. GodBless
2007-09-05 07:13:51 · answer #10 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋