why are some men so needy and spoilt?

Question

my husband is very difficult to live with.he always want affection and attention.we have three kids and i put on weight so i dont feel good about myself.im not the soppy emotional type anyway and i hate being touched when i dont want to be.but he acts like a brat if he dosnt get his own way.hes 27 and im 31.what can i do?

Answer 1

You are exactly my life ,a month ago.
My husband is 2 years younger than me and was acting exactly like that.
Now ,something happened and he changed.He is cold,fed up,ignorant.He says he is fed up with being the emotional,cuddly,always needy of affection.I didn't give him these enough and he does not want it now.
He either had an affair or really grown up,it is my job to figure out.
Be careful,think about how you would feel if you got rejected repeatedly.
He wants you obviously no matter how you look.
It is more painful when it turns around,so keep the affection going.
Do not end up like me.

Answer 2

The same question could be put to you. By your wording you suggest that although you have 3 kids your husband does nothing apart from make demands of you. If that is the case then you need to communicate that to him. No one ever solved a problem by doing nothing about it.
But you don't feel good about yourself so no matter how much he expresses his love for you or his attraction to you it means nothing. How insulting is that. Also, you're not an emotional or soppy person. This all sounds very selfish and needy to me. Essentially you are saying that he doesn't prop up your ego by pandering to your insecurities. You're also kind of saying you want things all your on way without taking what he feels into consideration.
Ask yourself if it really is a matter of a deeper problem and if it is you need to discuss it with your husband and find a resolution.

Answer 3

I imagine he is feeling lonely, isolated, taken for granted, unloved, number four in your priorities, and only needed to support you and your children. I notice you refer to him as a "brat", this certainly doesn't indicate that you have any respect for him and his feelings. Yes you have children to look after, yes you don't feel good about yourself, yes you need your own space, but you cannot shut him out even if his neediness appears selfish to you. Men can't always understand that women's outlooks and priorities change with time, particularly once children are on the scene, because generally men's outlooks and priorities don't change. The next step down the line is your relationship become like Julie K's. He will become tired of the anguish and pain this is causing him and one day just decide to "switch off" from you. As he see's it, if he shuts you out emotionally then you can't "hurt" him any more. Meanwhile he'll be quietly and resolutely going about finding love and affection elsewhere. So my advice is make some effort, a little bit of affection and physical intimacy will go a long way, and you might even enjoy yourself...

Answer 4

Bless! He sounds like he needs a bit more affection from you. Why are you so grumpy about this? He must adore you - lucky woman.

Try and take some time out from the kids and plan time alone with him or ask someone to help up for afternoon and get ready and cook a meal to have together - or how about he cooks for you?

If he super adores you get him to babysit while you go for a spa then cook for him later.

You need to realise its a two way street - and you need to negotiate what you want and what he wants and find a way of keeping both of you happy.

Answer 5

His Mum must over over done it!
Men do tend to shut down if you don't respond as a goddess at every peck on the cheek!
That is just a man thing I think!
I know after my 3rd child I was a bit weighty and my confidence was low, I know how you feel when you don't like your body and someone grabbing your wobbliest bits does not put you in the mood!
I have gotten back to my 'normal' weight now and feel much happier.
I would sit your man down and explain exactly how you feel.
He needs to encourage you more and help motivate you to if you want to tone up.
He should know you are not a fluffy pink girly girl and back off on the slushy stuff too!
He is probably carrying on like before you had the kids, and your lives have changed and it looks like he hasn't grasped this yet!
Get him busy helping with the kids instead of sulking when he doesn't get his own way!
You can lick him into shape! :o)

Answer 6

Sounds like he may not be the only one with a problem. You nedd to not take your weight concerns out on him. He is obviously trying to show you love and affection. If you continue to resist, you may find him cheating on you soon. Maybe some therapy would help you to be able to show more affection.

Answer 7

I blame his upbring on this, perhaps his mother had all the time in the world to baby him and now he expect you to do it, maybe he should take a look around and notice there are 3 children that he helped create that need his attention and maybe he wouldn't want all the attention, as for your weigh, i lived on crackers and water for 4 months, i would eat like this for a few days then on my 4th day, i would eat all my regular meals, then another 4 days i would eat crackers and water but on the days i was eating crackers and water i would only eat dinner [ in small amounds].Try this and get back to me.

Answer 8

Show the man some love!
So what if you dont feel like it, maybe he does, it's called a compromise!
He doesn't feel like going to work everyday to support you and the kids, but guess what, he does!
He doesn't feel like doing any chores around the house, but guess what...

Answer 9

But it does work both ways - women can be the same - very judgemental comment.

So, if he doesn't like it - let him sulk like a spoilt brat - no skin off your nose is it - let him stew - he'll live and grow up to be good boy!

Answer 10

I agree with Gem. He probably always had his own way as a child. Make sure your children learn to respect other peoples needs. Having said that make sure that you do give plenty of affection as some people need to know that they are loved. Perhaps he didn't get much affection as a child and just needs reassuring now.