2007-09-04 23:01:26 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
Foreman: Sarcoidosis?
House: That is an excellent diagnosis, except for the minor fact that there are absolutely no clinical indications of same. BZZZZZZZT. Thank you for playing!
Chase: Anthrax?
House: Hmm, someone's been nipping at my double secret emergency emergency stash tucked inside my Lupus text (since it's never lupus).
Cameron: Lupus?
House: You're hot, and that's the only reason I'm keeping you around. Do a lumbar puncture, Foreman.
(All three): WHY?
House: If it doesn't give us the cause of his euphoria, it may just cure it. Nobody's chipper after a lumbar puncture. Chase, go hit on a nurse or something. Cameron, I'll be needing you for about three minutes so you can make cow eyes at me and talk about medical ethics. Okay, everybody...BREAK!
2007-09-04 23:14:34 · answer #1 · answered by Bill 6 · 5⤊ 4⤋
Since your new neighbours moved in you haven't been able to open the front door because they forgot their grand piano in front of it. How they failed noticing a bulky, shiny, black object is a mystery to us both. But anyway, someone somewhere is hoping YOU will call the big guys and pay them to move it ANYwhere. As your backdoor has rusted shut since your friends sprayed a sixpack of sodacans all over it during a party two years ago you have not been able to leave your house. Then suddenly, the day before yesterday a masked lady in a catsuit broke your bathroom window with a tile that had a mysterious message attached to it with a cheap shoestring. She climbed in and you two immediately got immersed in a lively discussion. Your voices carried over the street and the delivery boy bringing sauerkraut and sausages to somebody tired of cooking clambered in and invited his friends from college, and since then you have felt very unusual, and somebody is constantly wanting to know your opinion about Picasso, which feels very strange as you had spent months with no human companions at all.
Chitter chatter chipper, and the english lady that brought a nice tea cosy to you keeps wanting to redecorate. You should ask her about the hieroglyphs in the mysterious message.
Chitter chatter chipper,
Look at the big dipper,
there is a cat in a lady suit,
Lake in a teeny tiny flute,
The cat played a tune
Lady picked a prune
Someone'll get wet
haven't happened yet!
Under a yellow moon
one bad *** loon
felt chipper.
Go home people, go home! There is nothing to see.
2007-09-05 00:18:17 · answer #2 · answered by Mien 3 · 1⤊ 3⤋
You're having an affair with your wife's sister, which accounts for not only the chipperness factor, but also that pesky burning sensation you get when you urinate.
It's not so unusual to feel chipper under the context of having such an ellicit affair, your belief that these feelings are out of the ordinary comes from the fact that unknown top you, your wife has known about this for some time, and has been slipping small but potent doses of a variety of psycogenic seeds into your food, which have left you on a permanent low-grade euphoria.
These seeds she has been obtaining discretely but legally from Ebay.
The seller grows these happy plants in his basement in Red Bank, NJ, using pidgeon dung as an organic fertilizer in order to offer the public a healthy product.
These pidgeons, however, have been munching quite contentedly on scraps they find in the worker's lunch area in the nearby toxic waste dump, therefore giving your wife, and by default, you, more bang for your Visa.
Differential diagnosis? Bad.
Prognosis? Enjoy the euphoria while it lasts, you're essentially a dead man walking.
2007-09-04 23:45:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 5⤋
the boring diagnoses would be drink, drugs, the high cycle of a manic depressive episode, religion mania, or you could be experiencing simply an absence of problems and proving the eastern mystics' viewpoint that man is naturally is divine in nature and happiness will occur once obstacles have been cleared out of the way.Maybe you are four years old.
Here is the dr. house version which i am making up inspired by the movie Phenomenon: a build up of spinal fluid has triggered an occipital tumour in the left LMs causing visual hallucinations leading to a feeling of happiness.
2007-09-04 23:38:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 4⤋
Hi,
Hate to tell you (well love it really) but you’re deceiving yourself in the worst possible way. Your euphoria is a way to hide the despair you feel after you heard my colleagues arguing over how best to diagnose your current problems. Look forward to another few days of probing, questioning, searching, X-rays, blood tests and caustic comments. I will leave it to Cameron to break the bad news if she’s still around for the next series and you can be sure you’ll get the very best treatment, if you’re still around once your illness has been established!!!!
Dr Gregory House
2007-09-04 23:51:34 · answer #5 · answered by pollyanna 6 · 2⤊ 4⤋
There is a fundamental flaw within you that has deteriorated into a nagging need for sympathy from those of us who treat the truly tragic. Being chipper is something to take up with your mother and anyone else who will listen, for now, just enjoy the sponge bath by janitor/nurse/on-the-side security guard for the warehouse of used pink slips of out of town missing Vegas confectioneers....Brother/Sister-(you don't want to know) - Father, formerly known as, well, you don't want to know that either. When you feel that the partiality of what you believe is working, try your other options in your homeless, wallet and we'll get back to you when you are cured.
Don't bother thanking me.
2007-09-04 23:27:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 5⤋
You have an inoperable Extra-abdominal Desmoid Tumor of the neck constricting the blood flow to your brain. ... No, but wait a minute, am I for real here, you don't have a brain, so that couldn't possibly be it. ... I don't know, maybe you've been sleep walking again to the tune of your latest House music CD.
2007-09-05 00:46:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 2⤋
You have a benign tumour in your temporal lobe, which is stimulating dopamine and seratonin release. We can put you back to normal by removing 10% of your brain, but you may be a vegetable for the rest of your life.
2007-09-04 23:15:38 · answer #8 · answered by some_blk 2 · 1⤊ 4⤋
Life is magical, your life is a miracle and you're awesome. It's no wonder you're dancing about without any effort at all.
2007-09-04 23:06:17 · answer #9 · answered by the Boss 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
bit by the love bug? *popping a few vicodin while breaking into a patient's home*
EDIT-I'm the only one that's correct, so why THEE f are there 2 thumbs down for me?
EDIT-3 thumbs down!
2007-09-04 23:08:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 6⤋