we have been together for 12 years and have an 18 month old and a 2 week old he told me this 2 weeks prior to giving birth. Its not nasty its just really hard to accept and he wont deal with it.. He tells me he is here for the kids and me but wants to move on, he feels as there is a wall up between us.
I dont know what to do, we havent told anyone and Im an emotional wreck and he cant understand why. I really love him and dont want to lose him, but Im afraid I will.
He also feels I deserve someone better as he has alot of commitments and goes out alot.
Please help.
2007-09-04 20:04:48 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'm so sorry to read this - this is a terrible time for him to show his true colors. How horrible for you to have to cope with this as you should just be blissing out nursing your baby and having him help with the toddler more and more.
He's a coward who needs to grow up. And he probably has a girlfriend. Or boyfriend. And he's afraid of being a father, afraid of having to put in the effort. And he's probably jealous of the mothering YOU MUST DO. Did you put your baby in day care? That really increases the risk of a family breaking up. And, you had your babies WAY too close together for their emotional well being.
I'm very sorry. He's a schmuck.
2007-09-04 20:09:25 · answer #1 · answered by cassandra 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am sure this is really scary for you, especially given your very young children. My advice is to try to get some marriage counseling fast. With luck, your husband hasn't fallen in love with someone else yet.
Some men go through a period of depression when a new baby arrives. For the past number of months, he has been getting a lot less attention than usual. Having a new baby around can also make some men feel very claustrophobic, like they really need to get away from all this.
I am hopeful that some counseling plus regular "date nights" should get both of you back on track. Don't under-estimate the value of a good sex life at a time like this. Surely there is more to a marriage than sex and you don't want a band-aid solution (which is why counseling is so important), but don't overlook intimacy.
Good luck.
2007-09-05 03:17:01 · answer #2 · answered by Ken 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give in to this stress from your husband! I get the impression that your man is not "manning up". Let me explain. Your husband is either too morally sound, or too wimpish, or both, to simply divorce you. He told you this information, however, for two reasons. One, he was being honest with you, as his wife. Two, he was slightly hoping that you could be the one to say that you two should break off the marriage. Thankfully you do not seem to have done anything of the sort.
But the fact that your husband could say this to you means that it must be fairly serious--it also means that he is almost giving up on even trying to work on your marriage. This means you two need to go to counseling. That's what it's for.
Also understand that your husband may love you, but he won't feel "in love" with you all the time. That's natural and it happens in all marriages that last long enough. Every marriage needs work sometimes; especially when you are in bad times. The ones that last are the ones who work on their marriages and find the occasional way of bringing that spark back, not the ones that are just for the children (though it is a good, yet undesirable reason to keep a marriage together). But congratulations on having kept it together thus far for 12 years!
Good luck and God bless.
2007-09-05 03:16:38 · answer #3 · answered by wizball 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to accept that yes, it IS nasty. No MAN tells a woman about to give birth that he isn't in love with her. A coward might. I know this sounds harsh, but it's reality. He didn't just fall out of love with you, and if he thinks he did, he needs help. After 12 years together it sounds like he might need counseling to help himself reconcile wife/vs/mother. He might also be having an affair.
He doesn't feel you deserve someone better--he is hoping you will use that to leave HIM, giving him an out. It sounds to me (and apparently to a lot of others) as if he's just unwilling to deal with his responsibilities and/or as if he's having an affair and just won't be man enough to tell you.
BTW: I am someone who has been there. I was married just short of 11 years, together 13, and the last several years of my marriage was my ex doing things which he HOPED would lead me to leave him. He even tried the 'you deserve better' thing.
He has NO commitments which are more important than you and your children. If he says he does, he is lying or his priorities are screwed. You need to let him know that if he leaves your marriage this way he will have very limited contact with the children he helped to create, because they do not need a parent who has so many 'commitments'.
2007-09-05 03:32:10 · answer #4 · answered by navy_brat913 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I guess this guy is making an excuse for him by putting things on ur shoulders by saying "u deserve someone better"
i think if thats the case u should be the one who is telling him this stuff not other way ..
U have to stand up for urself and kids ...tell him that u don't want to loose him and u have no such intentions..
but dont sound needy ...coz u r not sure what is he up to
kEEP ur eyes open ... may be he is having a affair or something and trying to be nice for covering it up ...
BEST OF LUCK and TAKE CARE
2007-09-05 03:17:07 · answer #5 · answered by sassy_girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I told my husband 7 years ago that I have falling out of love with him, he could not expect it, i felt sorry and bad for saying it, At the time he said that he would help me get through it and that i could fall back in love with him ( as the fire was not completely out I stay and felt depressed within my self because i did care for him but didn't love him,
I was with him for a long time up into just recently,
If he said that he doesn't love you any more let him go,
other wise you will going round in circles for along time with his mood swings and the long run you will be the that suffers the most
2007-09-07 04:19:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, let me say that I am sorry you are going throught this emotional time. I am sure it's not easy after just having a baby. Get together and get some marital counseling. If you love him and he says he loves you and the kids, then make the effort to keep it going. Sometimes in life we get into a rut and life seems to be nothing but dinners, laundry, work, endless bill paying and parenting. It's easy to get stressed out and want to make another life for yourself, but you and your husband have a responsibility to your children. Get some counseling and try to work things out. I am praying for, just remember, even if he decides to leave, you still have your children and they are counting on you.:)
2007-09-05 03:15:15 · answer #7 · answered by PrincessAsh23 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i suggest get a marriage counselor i dotn want to say anything now that may only aggrevate things so the sooner you do this the better for both of you...
2007-09-05 03:11:51 · answer #8 · answered by Dave B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
its something that happens gurl after a long time but sounds like you got some hurt coming your way so sorry for you.As much as you dont want it to happen I dont think you can do much
2007-09-05 03:12:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
He has another women
2007-09-05 03:28:03 · answer #10 · answered by Douglas G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋