...friends.
We have lost the "Fire" basically, of our relationship. Now its like we have been focusing on more of our flaws than anything else when we're together which is ruining the time we "do" spend together.
Since we both work full time and only really 'hang out together' on our weekends it seems more like we're leading separate lives than sharing one together. It's hard to compare our relationship from how it was a year ago, how alive and loving our relationship was, to how it is now where we merely feel like friends with a few benefits.
I'm not talking sexual fire alone, or relationship either. It's a mixture of everything. I feel like I made a mistake in getting married because we don't have the strong true relationship we had before while we were engaged and just causually dating.
Am I wrong to think this? Is it normal? What should I do to improve our relationship? ...And, Did this question make sense. I'm sort of at a loss of explanation.
2007-09-04 18:43:54 · 22 answers · asked by klinger_girl97 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Makes a lot of sense. So are you not feeling it for the other person? Is it the other person is feeling like this or both? You might try counciling. Trying to set some time aside in the day to leave the person a note to let you know you are thinking of the person. Just really set down and talk and ask the other person. As long as neither of you are looking for someone else then there is no reason to leave the relationship. Being married is better in this day and age then single for taxes and things of that nature.
2007-09-04 18:49:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like the honeymoon is over. I don't know how long you were together before marriage or if you lived together or what... Marriage is not always going to be like when you first met. Five months is a little early to be contemplating that, but here you are. You need to spend time together or you'll grow apart. Why'd you get married in the first place? You need to talk about this with your spouse. Keep the communication open. You can't just get married and give up working on the relationship. The wedding isn't the end of it, it's the beginning and you all can't be just roommates and go off to work and hang out on the weekends, and then expect everything to be like it was when you first met.
2007-09-04 18:57:41 · answer #2 · answered by spoilt32 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like something you need to talk through with your husband. It's not normal, in my opinion, for a r'ship to change so drastically almost overnight. Usually when changes happen that quickly, there is something else going on. Afterall, the marriage was just a ceremony and piece of paper so why should anything change? It shouldn't.
In order to feel like you're living lives TOGETHER, you need to insist on having dinner together every night. Even ifyou don't cook well, you can whip up something simple. Having dinner every night will give you a chance to talk about your day, tell stories, and reconnect. On the weekend, plan a date night where you do something you would've done when you were dating before.....like going to a movie and dinner or going to see a band. Don't let the fire die....and definitely not so soon!!!
Look, marriage is WORK and if you went into it thinking otherwise then you may be doomed.
2007-09-04 18:51:37 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Kiddo, the 1st yr of marriage is heck.
It is a testing ground.
The biggest key to keeping a marriage is communication.
He is probably feeling the same way but would never say anything to you because he would be afraid of hurting your feeling.
I have been married for many years and I can honestly say to you that you have a lot to look forward to.
Trips, children, which will fill your days and nights for sure but also join you more and more.
You have memories to build right now, so start talking to your hubby.
My hubby and I use to watch Dallas and called it our sexy night.
The kids would go to bed before the show came on and then we would cuddle up on the couch or floor and watch most of the show.
It was our night to do something together and also a night of romance..
We both looked forward to it.
We didn't need no yucky porn or toys, etc, we used our imagination.
Before the kids come, take trips together and before the trips do all the planning together, ie; what you want to do on the vacation and what to see.
I can't get the old man to tell me what he wants for dinner, but planning the cruise to Alaska last year, I couldn't shut him up.
Excitement is really good for the relationship, so get excited!!!!
2007-09-04 18:57:51 · answer #4 · answered by kitty 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is very common for marriages to suffer in the first year or two because despite the couple feeling as though they knew each other so well before, it is so different to try to meld two separate lives together into one together. You are seeing things about that person that you may not have seen before. Your work lives, money, chores, meals, bills, etc. are all factors in a relationship that before all you did was enjoy each other's company and love each other.
As for the sex, it is so hard to find time for sex in marriage and that is why so many people complain that the sex stops after marriage. It really doesn't. It just gets put on the shelf for those times when it is right and not as spontaneous. I know a couple who actually sets aside two nights a week for their sexual encounters, and they put everything else aside for those times. No TV, no bills, no friends, just them. They are satisfied and their closeness doesn't suffer because they look forward to those times when they can focus only on each other.
Don't give up yet! You've only just begun! If you can make it through the first year, you have already done better than a lot of couples! Just remember why you married each other and work out the differences. It is worth it! I know...I've been married almost 7 years and though we still have our tough times, we have learned to make it through.
2007-09-04 18:53:18 · answer #5 · answered by Debi N 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have asked a very sensible question that relates to lots of new marriages. It is just normal. Suddenly you feel you have lost your total freedom which you enjoyed all this while. Next you feel compressed with another person living in the same house. Next you started to have 'expectations' from each other which was not an issue during courtship days.
Just normal.
Go through this phase may be for another few months. Things will start settling down and there will be ease at home. Don't make it worse by your emotional body languages.,
2007-09-04 18:50:25 · answer #6 · answered by AdultMale 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What are some of the things you do together? Maybe you both could find some activities that you both can do together that will help elevate the tension recreate the common bond that you share. It normal for you to feel like your relationship is in a rut. Don't give up on each other! Working long hours definitely will put a halt to feelings of intimacy. One weekend take him to a nice hotel, buy some sexy/romantic stuff and play naughty!! Peace
2007-09-04 18:56:45 · answer #7 · answered by JG 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
did u ever think that this might just be a new stage in your relationship. a stage where you are confortable together, it doesnt have to be hot heavy all the time.
relationships are not easy things but you have to keep trying at them.
maybe you could try setting a time in the week where u can be together, even if thats jst watching Tv and hugging! or eatting together.
as long as your doing something together.
marriage is a commitment and its only been 5months. give it some time and a little work and you'll get the passion back
good luck!
2007-09-04 18:55:19 · answer #8 · answered by bettny 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Makes a lot of sense. There are loads of us who feel the same. I am 21 years married. Sometimes we tend to get into a rut. Doing something different helps to get rid of some of the monotony or going to some place different together, makes you see him in a new light. I wish someone would advise me really.. but wasn't able to turn to Yahoo answers to pour my heart out. My husband is currently away for 4 weeks and now I am starting to miss his presence. The feeling does return, but you will find dry spells from time to time. The alternative which be to walk out and start a new life, is MUCH more difficult and very traumatic. So try not to complicate your life. Sometimes finding a new and interesting hobby helps too. I think we ladies want to be wooed forever and men are just not that way ... remember they are from Mars and we are from Venus. So it is bound to change. Does your husband still help around the home as he did in the beginning , does he still go out with you .. . if that is all the same and he is just boring... don't worry ... welcome to the club. Mine is just philosophizing too much and picking up all kinds of silly quirks, but all harmless,, they don't affect me much. I am just glad that he hasnt' taken to wine and women. WE have to compare our husbands to other men and decide if we want those traits more. The fire in the bedroom fades over the years.. after all how much more is there to do .. .when all angles and positions have been explored. it bcomes too mechanical. Sad, but at least we end up having a soul mate .. who will be with you when you are old and gray.
2007-09-04 18:57:37 · answer #9 · answered by Hysteria 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
5 months is hardly time to make a fair calculation of what is not normal for your family life. What did you experience as a family member while living with your parents? Think on how your own folks stayed true to their relationship. If you did not have both parents as part of your life...Look around you and find other couples you may be able to emulate who has time-tested marriages to be proud of.
2007-09-04 19:36:59 · answer #10 · answered by kirkman782002 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋