I had to bite his arm cause I couldn't breathe, he says if I press charges he will too.(He has a bite mark) The police said I probably won't get VPO unless I press charges I have 4 kids, need to get out he won't let me leave I'm afraid he will really hurt me on of these times. OK I know... sounds like some Jerry springer stuff, right.Oh and I don't have a job or daycare cause he wouldn't let me get a job, don't have money for an apartment, can't stay here cause his dad lives next door and he will always be here harassing me, even with a VPO, we have no visible neighbors. Any suggestions??
2007-09-04 18:16:16 · 53 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know from previous experience with my ex that if you don't press charges before it is too late,he will. You are going to need this on record in case you decide later to get a divorce. The way things sound he is very abusive and no one deserves to be treated that way. Your children do not need this violence either. I know this is very painful to think about so fast but you need to file charges quickly. I know the idea of this is hard to fathom but he could end up with the children if you don't react. He could turn this all around on you. You need to file a restraining order and get out. Do you have family or friends you could stay with till you get on your feet? Maybe a church organization? Look online for some kind of organization. I've been through all of this and I know it is very painful especially if you love him. If there is anything else I can do please let me know. Be strong and think of your children.
2007-09-04 18:37:19 · answer #1 · answered by Southern Belle 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Get out as soon as possible. Your husband is abusive and next time he might attack your kids. Press charges against him, the bite mark is just a self-defense action, no need to worry. You probably have more bruises than him.
This is not a healthy relationship. From what you said, he is controlling and abusive. Ask your parents for help: provide a safe place for you and your children. Don't wait for him to change, because it's not likely that he will. Maybe when you leave him, he'll understand how much you meant to him. But for now, leave this violent environment.
2007-09-04 18:32:03 · answer #2 · answered by D.C 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Abuse is NEVER okay, and trust me, it only gets worse as time goes by. Contact a woman's shelter or support group (the cops should be able to help you find one or both). They can assist you in getting financial aid to help you get out and on your feet. If you contacted the police already, they should file a report on this incident which will be beneficial in getting a judge to grant the protective order. If you love this man, and he agrees to get the help he needs to learn how to control his anger, you have a chance at making the marriage work yet, if you so desire. If you are wanting to end the marriage, the sooner you do it, the better off you and your children will be. Under no circumstances should any child have to live in an abusive home, because those that do end up repeating the pattern, and we all want a better quality of life for our kids than that. Best of luck to you, and God Bless!
2007-09-04 18:28:16 · answer #3 · answered by classic1957gal 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There are such things as shelters which will help you with a place to stay while you find work and he will not know where you or your children are and then you can have the VPO. Just call the police. You or your children don't have to live like this any longer imagine what they are learning from seeing all this. It can't be a happy situation. Good luck to you.
2007-09-04 18:23:34 · answer #4 · answered by Darkchild 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Please do go to the police. You do not need to put up with that.
The bite marks were a defence, the police will not press charges if they do fully know that. Do you have any marks of where he hurt you? If so, go to the poilce right now, and show them. You need to tell them before he does, or it wont turn out good. When you press charges, if you divorce him? You will get money, enough to maybe move somewhere else, get a job and rent for the time being. Don't leave this unsettled. the police can, and will, protect you. Don't let it happen again.
Goodluck ♥
2007-09-04 18:23:41 · answer #5 · answered by Clarity. 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Yes, press charges.
Load up the car and get out of there.
Find a women's shelter or go home to your own mama.
See if your mom can wire you some money to travel with, then go down and wait at the local Western Union office and wait for it.
Most women's shelters also offer legal help.
This situation is not going to get any better. The beatings will get more severe each time. Do not wait until the bruises become permanent. Don't let the kids grow up with abuse going on in the house.
It is common in these circumstances to keep the woman away from anything resembling a support system... friends, family, job, church and car, then keep her pregnant and house-bound.
Get out of there.
Call the police if you have to, and let them hook you up with social services.
2007-09-04 18:26:04 · answer #6 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes you should have pressed charges but now a days they do take two people to jail so maybe its not a good idea. Im sorry you are going threw this Im sure its very hard on you. Do you have any family or friends you can turn to for help? Maybe they will let you live with them untill you get on your own feet. if not talk to the police about whats going on and how your scared to leave him and they will help you get your things and take you where you need to go. You should have a shellter somewhere by you where you can go for free if nothing elese helps. And get an order of protection against him right away.
2007-09-04 18:21:05 · answer #7 · answered by Amy D 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
is there any way to get him to change - like reading The Five Love Languages together?
only you know the potential of his anger.
I feel your pain. I've no job and barely any job skills to get a good paying job. I do, however, have a mom who will take me in if my safety were at issue.
If your husband is unwilling to make any changes or compromises, then you must leave. Most women die before their 3rd legitimate 911 call is made.
I truly feel for you. You have to listen to your gut. If you really think you can survive financially , then make a plan for a separate future.
He sounds like a jealous guy. My hubby said that I'd probably get a boyfriend when I got a job. So, he's afraid of losing you if you got a job. And no convincing from your side will change his mind.
Hope things get easier for you - my heart goes out to you.
if violence occurs in front of the kids - get out - put them 1st.
2007-09-04 18:35:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm not sure what a VPO is but I'm sure you're right that you're in grave danger. Won't let you leave, won't let you get a job, and assaults you--this is one sick person. I'd suggest you call a domestic abuse hotline or domestic abuse shelter. There is no shame in being in a "Jerry Springer" situation. They could cover one case like this every minute and never run out of stories.
Good luck,
Houyhnhnm
2007-09-04 18:26:44 · answer #9 · answered by Houyhnhnm 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Um, if you are frightened of your husband, then you should leave. 211 is a national hotline that will give you info on where to go for help. You will have to take your children and you will have to take some stuff for them and yourself. Everything else can be worked out when you are safe.
If this is the first time and you are not afraid of immediate future action on his part, then you should seek counseling and decide if your marriage is worth saving. I say this not because you got in one fight, but because of your many complaints about him and your sheltered life. I also say this because I am concerned that you would request help for a serious problem from an online question/answer forum. If you have no friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, etc. that you can talk to about this and your other problems, then that is also a form of abuse!! You need your own life to bring anything to your marriage. If he is not allowing you basic socialization, it is time to seek help!! Good Luck!
2007-09-04 18:26:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋