Please help about my insecurity problem.....?

Question

I am in desperate need for some honest advice and please do not respond if it is not positive advice.. I am married and have a problem with myself and blame it on my husband.. I have had a bad past with relationships and now my past is affecting me, you see I am insecure when my husband looks at another woman and wonder what is he thinking, etc.. and he tells me that he is not thinking nothing...he says that he just sees her and thats it, he might think that oh she dresses nice and such but is not like she is good looking and hot, because he says that I am everything that he has ever wished for and then some, and also he is like if someone asks me an opinion about someone he will tell them.. I mean how can I help myself to believe him and have a great marriage, I really need someones advice... please help.. thank you

Answer 1

I am so sorry that you are having this issue.I think every woman is a little insecure when it comes to there man lookin at another woman. Just trust in what he says. To him your are probably the most gorgeous woman in the world. When you are truly in love the looks of others just aren't the same. Before I met the love of my life, I was like ooh hes hot and wow look at him. I see this people today and it doesn't even phase me. I know its hard to gain confidence when you have been "beaten" down in the past but try to let it go. If you really feel it is an issue maybe you should see a councelor? Just be grateful that he comes home to you and only kisses and makes love to you. He is being honest which is more than so many wives can ask for. Some men look and touch sadly :( I think tonight you should just wrap yourself in his arms and embrace his body against yours. Enjoy the feel of his breath on your skin and his tender touch knowing that you are with him and he only has eyes for you. You are the only one he wants to be with and hold. Once you truely realize that, your insecurities will go away.

Answer 2

Ok listen very carefully. Unfortunately in today's society, the "media" age, there will ALWAYS be better looking, richer, and more attractive people. Always. And, every second of every day, we're aging, getting older, and less attractive.

It's also human nature to look at and be attracted to other people, even when you're married. Getting that license does NOT biologically turn us off. Wishful thinking.

Therefore you need to do a few things if you want to stay sane.

1) Make YOURSELF feel pretty, attractive, wanted and keep yourself "in the game." Work out, shop once in a while for flattering items of clothing, invest in makeup, do your hair up etc. You will seem like you're interested, and that's always a good thing.

2)Realize that there's nothing you can do about human nature, but what you CAN do is feel good about yourself, and try to feel like you're a catch, because that will show through.

3) Realize that your feelings are natural, and there's nothing you can do. It's part of being human, unless you take up alcohol/drugs, and what not, which I highly suggest you don't.

You don't really have a "problem," believe me, you're just dealing with human nature and a natural part of life, and realizing that it doesn't change once you get married.

Don't be surprised, humans are humans, regardless.

Don't be blaming your husband on anything, becuase that will make you seem like an insecure mental case, which you pretty much are in this point because of your past problems, and you could have a PINCH of post-traumatic stress disorder, revolving around with these issues, with a dab of anxiety, and possible slight depression, when it comes to dealing with it all. These are all anxiety disorders which EVERYONE of us has, it's true, because it's a part of living in today's society.

Because of your past-relationships and failures or at least hardships, you developed more paranoia, slight obsessive-compulsive disorder, among other things.

Now, don't freak out or think I'm being negative, I just went through ALOT of therapy, and my psychologist pointed out that UNLESS WE LIVE IN A PLASTIC BUBBLE, everything we experience in life WILL SOMEHOW ALTER US for the better or for the worse.

If you're having trouble FOR THE WORSE, I suggest you do what I briefly stated above, but do so with the help of a very smart close friend or a counselor.

Let yahoo answers be a stepping stone, but don't rely on it and yourself, becuase you need more, trust me.

You can't tackle these things alone, You need some ammo!~

Good luck to you, I dealt with the same problems and still do continuously. Guys get very insecure too.

Answer 3

I know it's hard, but u have to trust him. If all hes' doing is looking, and answering questions, it's fine. If he comes home to u at the end of the day, it's fine. Don't worry urself to death about things. That will ruin the marriage and u will create what u fear. A woman will tell her man her fears repeatedly, thinking that he'll understand, and stop doing what makes her insecure. But a guy on the other hand will think, she's accusing me of something I'm not even doing! And in time, he'll think, u know, Im a good husband, I could be doing things that I"m not doing because I"m a good husband,and get no appreciation for it. So I guess I should just do what I'm being accused of, because then, it'll be the truth.

If he's loving towards u, and just admiring God's creations, then hold him close and be happy all he does is look. Be happy u rock his world and he'd have it no other way. Be mindful that ur lucky...because there are a lot of women who wished all their husbands did was look.

Answer 4

Without knowing your husband, it's difficult to say what he's thinking. But I can give you a perspective from a guy who has been married for the past 12 years.

From my experience and from what I know of other guys, it seems that we're always looking at other women. But it doesn't mean anything. Any time I see a woman, whether she's attractive or not (unless she's just really ugly) I sort of size her up and imagine what it would be like to be with her. That thought lasts about 5 seconds, and then I move on. I wouldn't want to be with a woman other than my wife, but I always look at other women. Every time I look at another woman, I always return to the fact that I love my wife and I wouldn't want to be with anyone else in real life. Maybe in my five second fantasy, but never in real life.

I don't know if every guy thinks like I do, but I suspect a lot of them do. I know that most guys that I'm with are always quick to point out a really hot girl. Usually I've already checked her out and moved on . . . not interested. I love my wife. Your husband has indicated that you're everything he wants, so why not just take that at face value? He might look, but it's you that he loves.

Unless of course he's a lying cheat, but why would you have married a guy like that? Forget about your unfortunate mishaps in previous relationships. Unless you screwed up and got into another relationship with someone you suspected to be another slimeball, quit worrying about it. He says he loves only you, he probably means it.

One more thing . . . he'll probably look less if you keep things alive in the bedroom. I know I would if my wife paid more attention to me in that department. But, alas, the well's run dry. I'm hopelessly in love nonetheless.

Answer 5

It sounds to me like you have a good loving husband, don't ruin your marriage by doubting it. You need to think about how you look at other men and realize that everyone has thoughts they don't share. Not because they have anything to hide but because the thoughts don't mean anything. When you look at other guys do you think about how much better they are then your husband? not likely. So what makes your husband any different? If you can't get over the way you think then you will drive him away. So what if he does think that another woman looks good he is with you because you look better. This is his choice and you need to realize that you are what he wants. you need to start to think positive because self talk is very important to the way you think of yourself and the way you think of him. YOUR MARRIAGE COULD DEPEND ON IT

Answer 6

Don't chain yourself to the past with self defeating guilt, or by inflating the importance of your errors. Instead, face your past and heal old wounds so that you may move forward into a richer, fuller, and more joyous life.
Just for today, appreciate yourself.
Once you achieve self confidence, you will be able to give and get more out of your relationship.

Answer 7

i have had that problem but it wont work out between the 2 of you if you let your past get in the way. the past is the past. focus on your present and future. if he has done nothing to make you feel this way, then you should stop, but if he REALLY does things to make you question his commitment to you, then you should get some counceling. but it seems like he loves you with his world so i would soak it all in cuz its hard to find a man like that. did you ever think that he is telling you the truth? screw your past hun. good luck.

Answer 8

part of your answer lies in your question
in that you deflect blame to your husband
when in reality your insecurity issue lies squarely with you, not with him
though women in general seek validation from men
you must 1st have self confidence BEFORE getting into any sort of relationship
men are attracted to a real women
and that is one who is attractive
self confident and feminine
it's not a man's job to build you up
hence hwy he will look around to see what is out there
he may never act on it
but he will look and see attractive females
it's your job to look your best for your guy
failing that, if you let yourself go ( like so many American women do )
then he leave and find another
sometimes it's a women from another culture
who value themselves highly and realize what sex appeal is about in keeping a man
the choice is yours

Answer 9

As long as he is a good husband and you are financially secure, you shouldn't worry about it.
Your insecurity stems from childhood, work on releasing your insecurity. What matters is he loves. Men like to look at other women, its natural male act.

Answer 10

My wife and I are comfortable with the rule "Look, but no touchy", works for us!
Tell me, if he were looking at a naked picture of a woman in a museum would you get jealous? A womans body is a work of pure art!