I'm trying to be as plain as possible.
My wife works 8 to 5 days I work 3 to 12:30 nights
During the week unless I come home for 20 minutes during lunch we don't see each other at all. I tried waking to see her before she leaves but I have too hard a time getting back to sleep. She tried staying up but she's dead tired and barely makes sense. The weekends seem to be primarily about the kids & extended family anymore. I miss her! Our sex life has become mediocre. Even when we have it, it seems she's distracted uninterested or tired. I blame myself for not being able to cope. She's not expressed the same sentiments but she tells me she loves me and seems able to do without the interaction better than me. If I could do without her long enough I wonder if she would seek me more often or just live with it?
I wish I could help myself in this since I seem to be able to give good advice sometimes. Why can't I figure this out?
How do I resist being disheartened?
2007-09-04 17:33:08 · 14 answers · asked by Fixguy 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I should mention my boys are 15 13 & 10.
I spoke with my wife about us before she went to bed this evening she was so tired. She said maybe we could do something together this weekend. She forgets I’m on call.
I do agree that the job is a big factor in this but the area I live in has few openings in my field right now. I’m looking daily but it’s frustrating. The job I have pays real well.
I tried before to make a fun weekend happen and she insisted we take the kids since we didn’t take a big vacation this summer. I just wish that I would feel like I was her priority again even just for a little while. The effort seems to be a little one sided. She’s never given me any reason to go but she offers little to make me feel like she needs me aside from being a father to my children & the main breadwinner. I’d walk through fire for a little more passion.
I take comfort that I don’t drive a truck. I could never be away for so long at a time.
I thank you all
2007-09-04 18:29:55 · update #1
It's hard. My hubby's a truck driver and used to be gone 3-4 weeks at a time. I now have two kids and we struggle with the "time for us" issue all the time. You need to write a letter to your wife or talk to her (if you've got the time). and figure out how important this issue is and what you can do about it. It's hard to cut back on work hours if you need the income. You either sacrifice something to get more time together or you live with the situation as it is. My husband usually just gives up and waits until I jump on him (about a week-he'd like it twice or more a day). But, with long work hours and two little children, it's difficult to stay connected. But, if you both aren't willing to make an effort, you'll wake up one day and the marriage will be gone. How do you really know she can't do without it longer than you?
2007-09-04 17:49:05 · answer #1 · answered by spoilt32 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It would be nice if people would talk to each other. That means you should have talk to older people. When you were young. To learn what being marry with childern was like.
True love is what the hard times are about. Remeber the childern grown up. And are not home as much. They are over at there friends. Plus there is grandparents. Spend a lot of time with grandparents in the summer time.
And look at all the things you can talk about when you do see each other.
And about sex. What if you got hurt and could not have sex ever again. Would you want her to leave because of it. Or would you want her to stay with you. Because she loves you and would do anything for you.
And if she is distracted and tired. Help her out more. Get rid of some of the toys.
People are not being told that doing the same thing. Every day after day. It is tiring.
When you both have a day off. Take her to do something you use to do. That does not have anything to do with sex. Sex is not your problem. It is doing the same boring thing day after day.
Every person has something to give. Every person is smart in some way. No one has something to give all the time. Or is smart all the time.
Say one good thing to her every day. Do not say anything bad to her. Make her smell all the time. Learn what type of jokes makes her laugh. If the woman is happy. The love will be there. Do what made her marry you in the first place. To many people quit trying. Just because they caught what they wanted. But you need to work on it every day. You made a promise. That you did not lie about who you were before you marry. Show the same love that made her love in the first place.
2007-09-05 01:00:36 · answer #2 · answered by Littlegirl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, take comfort in knowing that it's not just you guys.
Secondly, I would take one night out per month (and maybe you can even increase it later) get a sitter, and go on a date together. Then not only will this give you time to reconnect, but it will give you something to both look forward to.
The other thing to keep in mind is your kids bedtimes.
You didn't mention how old they were, but they should be hitting the sack early enough that you two have some alone time. Even if it's not for sex, just time to be together.
I would also cut out as much of the extra stuff on the weekends that I could. If your relatives are making too many demands tell them "Sorry, I've got plans." Then make some!
2007-09-05 00:42:24 · answer #3 · answered by MoonGoddess 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
It must be really hard to raise a family and still have an exciting sex and marriage life. I'm not married but I do have a lot of friends who are and are happily married. I think the key is to always find time for one another. Even short talks mean a lot coz thats where you connect and share your thoughts and dreams again. During these times, try not to talk about your problems but kinda regress. Talk about the time when it was really just the two of you. Try not to pressure yourselfr and her to have the time for sex. I know its hard but the way I see it, you two are so stressed with your daily life and you don't need the added stress. Try to relax a bit and maybe everything will fall into place eventually. Just be there for her also. What is important is you both love each other and are willing to commit to make each other happy.
2007-09-05 00:43:02 · answer #4 · answered by Jessie7 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Communication is sooo important in any relationship. You need to talk to her and tell her that you love her dearly, but you are feeling that everything else is getting in the way of the intimacy that you used to share. Be sure to tell her how beautiful she is and how much you love her. Maybe you could get a sitter for one night and do something romantic to bring that feeling back into the bedroom. Being alone and maybe going out for a nice dinner can do wonders for the sex life. Many marriages go through times like that. It is urgent that you reel that love back in before you two drift too far apart. Even in a great marriage, people can get too comfortable not being together. Relationships require work sometimes, but it is well worth it. Believe me, there is nothing in the single life that comes even close to a good marriage.
2007-09-05 00:45:53 · answer #5 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
On the weekends, you need to all gather around your livingroom and watch movies all day. At least you have weekends, because some couples don't even have that (on top of the different schedules). How long will it be before you both have vacation time? The only other drastic step would be to find jobs with the same schedule.
2007-09-05 00:50:41 · answer #6 · answered by ♫ Melody 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your wife loves you maybe she is dealing with the nessasary time apart by not thinking about it. For a lot of women sex needs intamacy as in time together not having sex. Being together ina comfortable nonsexual way is a VERY VERY important form of forplay...really. Its a very hard situation your schedules are putting you in. I would really try to spend time together alone (not in bed) it will help tremendously. and get those schedules changed asap! good luck and im sorry you are feeling unimportant to her. Talk too that always is the answer :)
2007-09-05 00:41:27 · answer #7 · answered by sharonsmineonly 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I think its true that if you desire to make your marriage work that would need to take priority over anything else. It really hurts to wake up 3 years down the road when a marriage is beyond repair and you or her have been betrayed. Make a decision and stick to it. I also think there is truth when they say that " The person who cares less controlls the relationship". However be careful not to be the fool. communication is vital.
2007-09-05 00:42:45 · answer #8 · answered by Bern_CH 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
U need to get a sitter on the weekend and take your wife out. Look at a vacation but make an effort to connect...good luck
2007-09-05 00:42:13 · answer #9 · answered by lol_des 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You have to get on another shift, or get another job... or she needs to find a job with the same hours as you.
My husband is on 3rd shift and sleeps during the day, then gets up so we can have dinner together.
It is one thing when the husband is on rotating shifts (a month at a time on each shift). But staying on 2nd shift leaves her alone too darn much.
2007-09-05 00:40:28 · answer #10 · answered by revsuzanne 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋