At times I wonder if my spouse really likes me. I only wonder this because my family doesn't. I dont blame them. I'm a burden, and they're getting tired, so they married me off. But my guy is a sweetheart. I'm so lucky to have found him(well...he found me). See, y I'm asking? One gets their sense of self worth, partly atleast due to family responses. But when I met my guy, he wanted to marry me. I"d tell him deterants, but he didn't mind them. I still tell him things, but he doesn't mind them. I do want to be married to him, but I"m just wondering of his intentions since I'm not valued by my creators. It doesn't help that he says he'll tell me when he gets here either(although i get that, it's not easy talking on the phone). I guess I just don't understand y a guy would like a girl who's family doesn't even seem to like her. OH, i do understand my family's reasoning, I just don't know what to do about it. I just don't understand my husband's. serious answers please, thanks.
2007-09-04 16:44:46 · 27 answers · asked by Uncertain Soul 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Where are you getting that your family doesn't like you?
And even if that were true, that doesn't make you a bad person. Sounds to me that you need to learn how to love yourself. Faults and all. Then maybe you will start to believe that your honey loves you too!
You really should look into talking to someone. It's not good to be that down on yourself. Everyone has value.
2007-09-04 16:53:43 · answer #1 · answered by MoonGoddess 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Use your own instincts on this. Yes raising kids can be difficult but it’s also a part of life and you've already made your choice to raise yours. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone when it comes to being a parent. Even a single mother can raise a baby, I think when it comes to adoption a lot can be avoided. (I know sounds weird coming from an adoptive mother, but all is tried to keep the baby with the mother after birth here. They go through all her options before she's allowed to sign anything. and counselling. ) I know of single mothers who end up married! Happily with a man who accepts and loves their child. Who wants a guy who won't accept your child anyway when dating. Divorces can happen in any family. What is he on about... Send it back to him, side note...Its 2009 not 1809.or 1960! (If you’re a talented writer, than you'll find a way to do that no matter the circumstances. Being a parent doesn't take that away at all. If you’re determined than you'll do it. J.K Rowling’s was a single mother when she wrote the first Harry Potter books!) Look at her now! "What do you think a child would prefer: a happily married couple with fully developed careers, a strong desire to have a child and the means to provide for colouring books, braces, summer camp, and college funds; or an unhappily separated set of parents who still love her very much but do not have established careers and did not plan to have a child at this time." This bit got to me, a child wants to be loved mainly, they don't care if it's a small house or a big house, and it’s the atmosphere that matters most. Second hand clothes or toys as toddlers, the kids don't care, they just want to play...know they're loved and you'll work out the rest. So what a load of crap! My parents had no money when my eldest sister was born. They built their wealth with a family. You know I've never been to a 'summer camp' was I underprivileged as a child? Don't cave into guilt tactics like this there's another name for it...Bullying...
2016-05-17 05:08:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are very lucky, it could be worse, you could be feeling like this and be alone...that is worse.
Hey, ok so your family doesn't like you, my mom and sister don't like me either, but then again, I don't like them. They are making judgements when in reality are any of us perfect? Are they? No.
Why don't you just stay away from them for awhile and get yourself stronger. Sometimes, time helps us understand better.
So, you'll be amazed how much family counseling will help you realize you are not alone, you do not have to put up with mental abuse, no family support (parents) etc.
Try and keep a positive enviroment around you. If you're not on an antidepressant, your doctor should put you on one untill you can start feeling better.
You have already admitted you know why they don't like you, that's actually the hard part If you think about it. The next step is getting YOUR self esteem back up.
You have 3 things going for you:
1) Sounds like you have a very supportive husband
2) Family counseling is a good thing
3) There is nothing wrong with antidepressents, untill you get into a better frame of mind.
There is also this book called Emotional Blackmail, you might want to ask your Dr. on recommendations of a few good self help books.
And try and find peace within yourself, forgive and love yourself during this process, it won't happen in a day, but start today and I wish you all the happiness in the world.
Smile, it just might make someone wonder why you're smiling ?
2007-09-12 16:30:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, remember this you were created for greatness. The Creator who made you, does not make junk. And it is great to hear you are so happy with your spouse. And also if I may, the day the two of you became one, you started anew. You were a new identity and reborn with new ideas, new feelings in your heart and anything that was in the past is in the past. I would like you to do me a favour. I want you to write down everything you do not like about yourself, okay? Then when you are done, read it one more time so you remember not to fall into those habits again. Then after reading it, flush it down the toilet and let it go. I am sure you are a very special person so stop being so hard on yourself.
I wish 77 years of nothing but happiness with your hubby. And you may think you are lucky that he found you, but I am also sure he is lucky that he found you. I would bet you're great.
Take care and good luck
2007-09-05 15:30:29 · answer #4 · answered by ezgoin_newyorker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In all honesty. Just because your family does notlike you, does not mean that your husband dislikes you. You need to learn to love yourself. Inspite of your inperfections. No one is perfect. Including the member of your family that does not like you( IF... that is the case)Dont know what made you draw that conclusion but, that is why you dont have to dislike your self if you feel like you have done something wrong, Forgive yourself. Ask for forgiveness and then move on. You are not the only one that makes mistakes everyone does. You may say but you dont know what i have done. Well, you dont know what others have done either, so dont look at oyurself in a bad way. If you made a mistake learn from it and move on. Learn to love and forgive yourself. It sounds like your husband loves you. Thats a good thing. Walk into your future with this man if you love him and he loves you. God will bless your marriage. You'll be ok. Because God looks past our faults and he sees our needs. I hope you can start to see youself in a positive light .
2007-09-04 17:02:22 · answer #5 · answered by cha-cha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what makes you say and feel as though your worth squat, but you should really stop putting yourself down. It doesn't matter what has happened to you in your past. Every one has the right to know they are worth alot!! You are, just like everyone else, are one of God's children. Your purpose in this world is to do God's will. Not your family's. I also can say that if you are meant to marry this man that loves you this much, Then marry him. Be happy and make sure that if you have kids, LOVE them and let them know they are worth everything to you. Don't make the same mistakes that your folks have made by letting you for one minute think that you ain't worth sh**.
2007-09-10 14:14:30 · answer #6 · answered by roloswife 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are lucky your husband loves you. There is no reason why your husband should not love you if your own family does'nt. A husbands love is different from that of parents, be a good wife and make your husband happy and be happy yourself. Forget about the things your family has done and be happy in your married life. Past is past, your future is with your husband.
2007-09-04 17:43:39 · answer #7 · answered by Pramod R 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do is not to lower your
self esteem because you hear what someone
has said, family or not. You are a woman that
was created here on this earth to be as happy
as anyone else. Hold your head high and from
what you say your husband accepts you for
who you are. That is what counts as family or
friends opinions are just that their opinions,
Use your husband's love to lift your head high
and show the others that you could care less,
remember the old saying , sticks and stones
can break my bones, but words can never
hurt me. Good luck and be strong and be a
woman for your husband.
2007-09-04 17:06:53 · answer #8 · answered by RudiA 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously, there's a lot more to this story than what you've provided here, but it sounds like your family's really done a number on your self-esteem. Fortunately, you're not married to them. Please do your best to let go of the negative feedback they've saddled you with, and work on making your marriage strong, happy, and a healthy environment for your future kids (should you end up having any). If you have trouble managing this on your own, consider therapy.
2007-09-04 16:57:10 · answer #9 · answered by MM 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel so bad for you...You do not deserve the terrible feelings that you have gotten from your parents. If they don't love you it is because they have some really big problems and they should be ashamed that they have made you feel the way you do about yourself. You need to get some help to build your self esteem and try to undo the damage that your parents have done to you. If your husband says he loves you then I am sure he does. It is more important that YOU LOVE YOURSELF, and you are going to need some help in getting to that point in your life. PLEASE start working on loving yourself before you end up pushing away people that do love you. When you tell people that they should not love you, they might start to think you are right. We all teach the people around us how to treat us, you need to teach everyone that if they don't like you then they won't be allowed to stay in your life. You need to be around people who love you and sorry to repeat myself, but you need to love yourself above all.
2007-09-12 15:18:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋