who is a parent supposed to love more the spouse or kids?

Question

if a father of two kids gets remarried is it wrong to pick the new wife over the kids?

btw

im the kid the dad picked the wife over.

Answer 1

The children come first without a doubt. I do not think that I could truly love a man who did not put his children first. Spouses can come and go but the children are forever.

Answer 2

There is not a person breathing air that I will ever love more than I love my kids. If there is conflict, it needs to be worked through. If the kids are little, they will not understand you "picking" your new wife over them, so it should never come down to that. I agree with the above poster that said that it is really two different kinds of love. It's like comparing apples and oarnges. If the kids are grown, you can talk things through with everyone sitting down calmly and working it out. In any case, be the adult and always do the right thing by your children. It's like saying who gave more, the chicken or the pig, the chicken laid the egg but the pig gave it's life for the bacon. You married someone, but you physically spawned off parts of yourself to make your children, and that kind of bond goes just a little bit deeper.

Answer 3

There is no good answer to this question but I will try. You love each in a different way. the love you have for your kids is not the same type of love you have for a mate. You will know this some day. You also have to remember that your kids are only with you for a short time in your life before they move away and have a life of their own but a wife is suppose to stay by your side forever.

Answer 4

Loving a spouse has its own depth of love that compares differently and to me has its own catagory. Just as you can replace the mother of your children with someone else a new wife could be replaced just as easily. So your children are a part of you and everyone that you have ever loved and they are yours and they can never be replaced. You raised them from birth and loved them from the moment they first breathed life and they will be a part of you forever. I feel your children and loving them hold the highest form of love there is because they are your legacy and blood line of future generations that will never die. No one in your life should ever make you choose to love them more than you love your own children because it holds a place of its own. This is something the person needs to accept and understand and never interfere with that bond! They need to realize that there is enough love from you to go around for everybody and never put you in the position to make that choice. The new wife and your children born to a prior marrige may choose not to like or care for one another and that you can only hope will change with time. If it doesn't change the only thing you can expect from any of them is that they try to get along and show each other respect if nothing else. Neither one should ever put you in the middle between them and if your children give you hard time it is your responsibility to handle them and work out the problems between them all. You cannot allow the children to have power over your life because you have a right to be happy and they should never be allowed to be mean and hurtfull to your new wife.Its all about compromise and respect here and making room for everyone to grow in the best loving invironment possible.

Answer 5

nicely, as a guy, husband and father, i'm uncertain that's a honest question. Who do i like greater? My spouse or my childrens? I even have 3 toddlers a while 3 (my daughter), 6 (my youngest son) and 9 (my oldest boy). i like all of them and in distinctive techniques. I even have on no account study interior the Bible the place all of us could love one over the different. in actuality, to the different, while all of us is compelled to make selections between kin, the outcomes are disastrous. If for any reason I lost any of them, i could be thoroughly devastated.

Answer 6

yes it is wrong. its not about pick the kids or the new wife. its about you letting both sides know that you love them all and that you will not allow one side to think that the other is more loved by dad. you responsibility is to those children who did not ask to be born, who did not ask for dad to remarry, who did not ask for you to choose. you need to let your new wife know right off the bat that you kids come first and that you will always be there for them no matter what. you kids need to know that dad loves them and always will, but dont make your wife feel resentment towards them and dont let her make you chose her or the kids. because the pick will always be the kids at least to they are grown. just set boundaries for both sides. but dont do in a matter where they will be competing for your attention. GodBless.

Answer 7

It shouldn't be a competition.

A parent should hopefully love his or her children. A husband should love his wife.

Neither the wife, nor the children, should expect him to pick one over the other if they return his love.

The big difference is:
your children will always be your children.
your wife (or husband) may change. (or the question would never be asked)

that being said, unless these children are now adults and have families of their own, the father's primary responsibility is to the lives he helped bring into this world.

Answer 8

I think we are supposed to love our spouses as much as our kids, but obviously it is a different kind of love.

You see, our kids grow up and our job is to love them and support them and worry about them and pray to God they turn out ok, and that they follow a course in life that makes them happy. Then one day, we turn around and they're all grown up, and they come to you to announce that they've found someplace to live, and they'll be moving out in a week! We love them to pieces, but we know they have to do their own thing in their lives too.

So then we have our spouse. That kind of love is more of a partnership love. You are on a journey together and you are sharing the steps of that journey with each other. The kid that's about to move out is a shock to both of you. The void that will be left will be felt by both of you. The holiday you plan cos you're shopping budget has just halved will be enjoyed by both of you. You are each others life partner on the journey of life. Kids are just lent to us. They grow up and move out, and we still love them to death, but we are only sharing the life journey with them for part of our lives and part of their lives.

Given that the two types of love are different, I'm not sure your father is picking one over the other, unless he has been asked to do so by either the kids or wife, and if so, do you think the person asking him to choose really loves him? If he was really loved, then no-one would ask him to choose because the people around him would just want him to be happy. Likewise, I'm sure he wants everyone around him to be happy.
I hope some of this makes sense! Good luck.

Answer 9

Pick the new wife over the kids on what? If she is wrong, he can't. If the kids are wrong, he has to pick her. Love is given to her differently than to the kids. There is no picking. She is their 'parent' in his absence and his 'support' in his presence. Step parents should not assume the absolute authority over step kids.

Answer 10

My father choose his new wife and her children over my sister and I and that hurt . He basically dropped all responsibility and did what she wanted. A real women wouldn't make you choose. YOUR CHILDREN SHOULD ALWAYS COME FIRST. They are a part of you. Your flesh and blood. Granted your wife should be important but she should understand you are a father and that comes first. Besides your kids will ALWAYS be your kids. She may not always be your wife then you will be left with nothing. Just ask my alcholic father. :)