My husband of 11 years is sending instant messages and personal e-mails to a girl who is just starting college. I am sure that it all began quite innocently, but from the messages thay seem to be quite familiar with each other. Do other people consider this to be cheating, I'm pretty sure I do.
What do I do next?
2007-09-04 14:58:20 · 27 answers · asked by jamie t 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think that if it is possible, and I were you, I would go online and send this college age girl, a little email of my own. It could say, "so nice of you to keep my husband from being bored and not having anything to do". Most college age girls are not looking for 40 year old married men. I am sure as soon as she find out he is married, she will block his email address.
2007-09-04 15:05:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anne2 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
YES it is. And you know it too! Whether it's physical or emotional, cheating is cheating is cheating, just like a rock is a rock is a rock. Forget about the different "levels" of it, because it is what it is. If you're a smart lady and I think you are, then you know that him chatting "innocently" with someone isn't innocent or accidental at all. He didn't just trip and fall and land on the computer on his msn (or whatever) and then start typing away. He had to go online, browse some chat rooms or dating sites, connect with this person, exchange information, log into his account every so often and chat. I know it's not nice to hear this, but I don't see how anyone else could explain this, defend this or justify this behaviour. Honey, you know what you feel. Every woman and every man would feel it's cheating if it happened to them, and if they say it's not cheating, they're in denial, because it's too painful to admit the truth. Maybe you and he should go for counselling, but he should stop immediately. He's a married man talking to another women behind your back. Listen to your gut and to your feelings. They don't lie to you. When you question them, you're suppressing the truth within you. Good luck hun. Be STRONG!! Remember: "Women are like tea bags. You don't know how strong they are until they get into hot water." You can deal with this, overcome this, and take personal control over this, regardless of the outcome!
2007-09-04 15:17:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I am sure he has college age guy friends he e-mails also right??? Because he is just a friendly guy?? I would be concerned that this is just the tip of the iceberg. I am curious to know how you found out about this, did he tell you or did you stumble across it? And all the emails you send to your college guy are all innocent right??? OHHHHH wait....I bet you don't do that b/c your hubby probably wouldn't like it right? There are computer programs you can get that log everything that is typed or viewed on the computer. You can also just get a simple key stroke logger, but it will only give you his side of the conversation, its usually enough though. Sorry you are concerned about this, but you are right to be.
2007-09-04 15:13:00 · answer #3 · answered by jillianszoo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is this girl a business acquaintance? Has he ever introduced you to her and how did he meet her? I really don't think it is okay for him to do those things. What kind of emails do they send each other? You may want to ask him if you can see the emails. Plus, why is he talking to a college girl when he can talk to you? Is he not finding you to be of good company, someone to talk to? Confront him, ask him if there is anything else going on besides emails, instant-message or other. You have the right to know so you can move forward to what to do next.
2007-09-04 15:06:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes I do, it is the start of something, if they lived in the same town and were talking this much on that level of intimacy would you then consider it cheating. The emotions are the same, just the mode of communication makes it seem innocent. I have heard of that kind of chat, leading to divorce, talk it over now, if it is nothing, he will let you read his chats and see that it is only freinds. Watch out for accusing , it might be innocent, but I doubt it girlie, i really do, good luck.
2007-09-04 15:08:06 · answer #5 · answered by Eliza Doolittle 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if it seems to be cheating then more then likely it is.. just because it isnt physical doesnt mean he's not emotionally cheating on you.. and id nip it in the bud now rather then later.. and as far as she is concerned, remember she is still a child even if she's tech. an adult.. shes still a child mentally, shouldnt be hard to scare the piss out of her to get her to stay away. As far as the husband, only u can decide what to do.. i mean if she's the typical 18/19 year old going off to college, to me at his age.. its still border line pedofile because they are still "teenagers" even if by law they are legal, and the fact that he is old enough to be their father i find even more sickening.. but only you can decide what u can and cant put up with..
2007-09-04 15:10:42 · answer #6 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First let me ask, do you think it's cheating? What are they talking about? Is your husband a college student himself? Do you know how they met? Does she know that he is married or are you a secret? Have you talked to your husband about this?
Now let me answer your question. I DEFINITELY think it is cheating! I believe if a man (or woman) is fulfilled in their relationship, they have no reason to seek outside support in their relationship. This does not sound like a relationship that he had previous to your marriage so he should let it go if you are not "in the know" about the relationship. What is he hoping to accomplish with her? Are you guys having problems or is he distant with you? I would definitely pray about it. Talk to him when you feel you are being led of God (like Queen Esther did, she prepared herself in prayer and fasting before approaching her husband with a concern) and seek Godly counsel in your marriage. Your marriage can be made better but it will need help and he will have to stop what he is doing. You know if you were doing the same thing it would be considered cheating, so don't let yourself be fooled that it is innocent talk when it usually leads to something more. I'll keep you in my prayers.
2007-09-04 15:11:40 · answer #7 · answered by BeautifulOne 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would consider this cheating!! Why is a 40 year old man talking to a college girl when he is married? That seems pretty fishy to me. I would call him on it. Tell him you don't like it and you want it to stop. You are his wife. He should be talking to you and not young girls.
2007-09-04 15:28:15 · answer #8 · answered by spyhopper 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well Let's see......Are you talking to a college age guy on line? Probably not. Ask him how he would like this kind of behavior. I would sit him down and tell him that this is a definite NO NO. And he better stop at once, or you will find someone to chat with also! And if that does'nt work then Kick that boy to the curb!!!!!!!!! Good Luck!
2007-09-04 15:13:11 · answer #9 · answered by TABBY 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The most important thing here is that you are uncomfortable with it. Tell your husband this - his reaction will tell you all.
You are the person with whom he has the most important personal relationship of his life. If he decides to show respect for you and your marriage, he will stop this without complaint - whether there is anything going on or not. If not, it tells you where his priorities are (and aren't).
2007-09-04 15:13:34 · answer #10 · answered by banana6464 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋