Who is your idol?......again?

Question

ok i wrote my essay what do you think?......
the person who i thought influenced me more than any famous person and who i idolize is my cousin kelly,her confidence and determination is what really inspire me,she says what she feels and does not care what anybody thinks of her, she knows what she wants in life and will nmot stop until she gets it. kelly is extremely hilarious, sometimes i find myself acting and talking just like her and cant wait until i can see her again. i just wish i could be more like her.

does it sound too stalkerish or childish???do i have wrong punctuation,i seem to have a prob with that.

Answer 1

The essay sounds terrific. You are lucky to have someone like your cousin; I have one who has been my friend for a very long time. You do need to work on the punctuation. Capitalize the first letter of each sentence and end your thoughts with a period. Also make sure your verbs agree with the nouns in your sentences. For example:

My cousin Kelly is someone who has influenced me more than any famous person. Her confidence and determination are what really inspire me. In fact, I idolize her.

See if you can do the rest of the paragraph on your own. Good luck. Again, it is the ideas you have expressed that are wonderful; they are neither stalkerish or childish. The grammar and punctuation will come with practice. Keep up the good work.

Answer 2

Is that your whole essay? Unless you're in fourth grade, or lower, I would give that an F.

Try expanding on your ideas, and make complete sentences. If I was writing a paper, that might be similar to what my thesis statement will look like. You really need to expand on your ideas though. An essay is a group of paragraphs, not a bunch of incoherent sentences. Also, try using spellcheck, for your punctuation is horrendous.

P.S. My idol is Hannibal Lecter.

Answer 3

MY idol???

Don't be absurd.