What's wrong with my husband?

Question

Monday through Friday: Works out of home office and is busy all day which is fine. Has dinner with me then immediately goes back into office until 8 p.m. or when something is on TV he wants to watch.
Weekends: Gets up late – usually after 9:30 – 10 am. Makes tea and go into office. Might come out and read paper. Sundays reads paper and watches TV while I do yard work outside. Spends the afternoons in his office, or goes out for a latte. Sometimes I ask if we can do something together or run errands. He often says he can’t because he has to work. Sees nothing wrong with this pattern and berates me if I say anything about it. Refuses to change anything. I have talked until I am blue in the face. Nothing.
Just got married 11 months ago. I feel he just married me for a tax write off and medical benefits. I go to bed alone every night and have had to find things to do on my own as he is always in his office. Depression? He refuses to go to the MD for it.

He sometimes works but most of the time he is reading news, shopping for CD's or playing chess on the internet.

Thank you to all who have such kind words. It has been like this a little since we met - 12 years ago. But not this bad. He is a lawyer and his business isnt doing well although he insists it is. I have urged him to get a job at the State and he agreed but I think he resents me for it. He likes being alone and staying home all day. I feel like I am invisable. I am 49 and dont want to start over but I see no other choice.

Answer 1

You Pooor thing !
I would tell him its time he puts an effort into your marriage or your leaving . And be firm !
You shouldn't have to go to sleep alone it is not a healthy marriage if he can't seem to take the time to make his wife happy:)
Do u think there might be a chance he is doing something besides his work in his office ?
You should try and take a look at his history on the pc!

Answer 2

i will't have confidence a number of those solutions, i'm vulnerable to have confidence that none of those human beings have ever stayed at domicile. Having a toddler and being pregnant... that's onerous. Throwing in house household projects and a foul temper from an unsupportive companion and it could appear like a mountain you're compelled to climb on a daily basis. My suggestion for you would be--be straightfoward which contain your husband. tell him you experience depressed over the way he's treating you, that your existence isn't person-friendly precise now and you do no longer decide for to deliver yet another toddler into this ecosystem. commerce nights which you're looking after the toddlers-- as an occasion, the different evening he has to bathe the toddler and positioned the toddler to mattress, and you the two do the dinner dishes (makes it a good purchase swifter). Or, positioned off vacuuming or laundry till sunday evening, the place you may the two fold on a similar time as gazing television and fidgeting with the toddler. do purely slightly at the same time and discover ingenious techniques and situations to do issues, and you will finally end up much less under pressure (and your husband would be, too). stable luck!

Answer 3

There are a number of possibilities. I do not know you or your husband at all, so I can only answer with conjecture. However, 11 months is a pretty short time for things to be coming off the rails already.

1. If your husband really is working all that time, he is a workaholic. We are talking about a self-destructive, but socially acceptable addiction.

2. If he is not working all that time, is he online to some woman or women?

3. Is he self-employed, and is his business failing? Maybe he needs to look at another income source. Sometimes self-employed people are like a boxer who doesn't know that he's beat--keeps getting up to get punched again.

You said you have talked until you are blue in face? Do you mean complaining and scolding? Have you asked him about his business? Maybe you have good ideas that will help him, but I do not know if he respects you enough to listen to you.

Why don't you show him your "Yahoo Answers" question, and some of the answers? Then you could ask him "If you wrote a question for "Yahoo Answers" what would you say?

Answer 4

Tell him that you feel badly for him and you would like to do as much for him as humanly possible, but that you have to have some of your needs met in life too. Tell him that you are willing to try marriage counseling prior to filing for divorce if he would be willing to go. Tell him that you will locate three therapists and together you will visit all three and he can select the one he feels most comfortable with.

When making the appointment on the phone when your husband is not around, tell the therapist that you think your husband is depressed, but refuses to go to his physician for treatment. The rest you can bring up in the first few sessions. The therapist will make progress as he/she feels your husband can deal with things. It is obvious that your husband can not deal with his depression right now, so you will clue the therapist into the problem, but the therapist will have to be careful to time the therapy so that your husband doesn't resist treatment.

There are several illnesses where you might see this behavior, so you might want to read up on depression to make sure that is the condition from which he suffers. He seems to be productive and that isn't a typical sign of depression. He could be schizoid, disenchanted, stressed or commitment adverse, He could have Asperger's/Autism, confusion over sexual orientation, a madonna-whore complex.

Good luck with your marriage. Hope things work out.

My father was similar to your husband and I think he was schizoid and anxious/nervous. He was a decent, intelligent and funny person except that he never related much to family members and didn't seem to experience any emotion.

Answer 5

He has been like this since you met 12 years ago and yet you chose to marry him because you thought what???????? That after 12 years, marriage would be a complete turn around? You thought he would change? You thought you'd have some leverage to talk him into changing? My goodness, all I can say is that at 49 years old YOU OUGHT to know better that people don't change unless they want to change. In a way it's almost unfair to him that you stayed with him all these years dating him accepting him and then married him and now you are fed up with who he is. I guess you had a fantasy, and were ignoring the reality.

Answer 6

To your husband, work is the most important thing in his life, and he is letting it be more so than you. He is neglecting you and your feelings and needs as his wife. He is denying you the attention and love that he promised to give you intil death do you part. I would go a head and talk to a counselor. They would have a little more insight on how you need to deal with the situation with him not wanting to try to work on things. But the thing is he is going to have to want to change and want help before he will be willing to accept help. Remember that your happiness is very important also, and if you are miserable and unhappy then you are the only one that can take control of what it is that will make you happy. And a cold loveless marriage isn't the way to go. Life is too short to suffer in such a way. Remember God always listens to your heart and prayers to.

Answer 7

Wow, that's rough!

Is he actually working or sitting there doing BS or staring out the window?

You need marriage counseling. You don't have children yet (and I would wait to). Give him an ultimatum, if he continues this way you'll want to seperate for a while. This is how really old couples act, no reason why you should live like an old lady! There's a whole world out there you should be experiencing as newlyweds!

Answer 8

2 options.... Not sure what his job is but he could be working very heard to get successful for both of you. If he is just hiding away then what is he hiding from? Was he like this before you married? Invitre friends over and see if he appears. failing that, go out yourself. Ask him to join you and if he wont then you go out and have fun. Give him a few months and if nothing changes its time to leave; you don't get this time back!

Answer 9

That's how it is when you're a workaholic and you work from home. I had my office at home for 6 months then I moved everything back to my office downtown. I spent my evenings and weekends working!! without realizing it!!

If you want this office at home to work he has to set rules and respect them, no office on weekends or after 6 pm on week days. I'm telling you it's hard and not everyone can do it.

Answer 10

Was he this way before you married? Any kids yet?
Make plans for the two of you and just tell him "Dinner at 7 at Joe's Steak Joint, will you be ready?" See if he'll venture out if you just plan it. If not, go alone...let him fend for himself.
Can you take him out to do something he enjoys?
You may have to get used to it .Take an interest in yourself, your friends, your family and let him be.
I think you know the last option....the big "D" :-(
Good luck & hang in there!