Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope.
If Helen Keller had ESP, would you say she had a fourth sense?
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
Have you been to Wal-Mart lately? You have to be 300 pounds to get the automatic doors to open.
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
Those that forget the pasta are doomed to reheat it.
Take everything in moderation. Including moderation.
There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.
Some days it's not worth chewing through the straps.
Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow. Just go over there somewhere, please?
Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.
If at first you don't succeed, try left field.
Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.
I got some new underwear yesterday. Well, it was new to me.
If #2 pencils are the most popular, are they still #2?
I used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got me fired.
I live in California, and my watch is three hours fast, I can't fix it, so I'm moving to New York.
I don't want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon.
Ask to see my tattoo of a rose, but don't ask outside. I'm constantly bothered by bees.
It's not who you know, it's whom you know.
There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot".
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.
Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work.
Which one of these is the non-smoking lifeboat?
Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence.
George Bush has been working hard, 24 / 7 - 24 hours a week, 7 months a year.
I had amnesia once - maybe twice.
Originality is the art of concealing your sources.
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.
Wear a watch and you'll always know what time it is. Wear two watches and you'll never be sure.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway.
Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.
Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
That guy is so old he shops at EXTREMELY Old Navy.
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
Birthdays are good for you - the more you have the longer you live.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
In an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
If you think you're a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else's dog around.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?"
2007-09-04 10:40:23 · 22 answers · asked by Jim Jnr M 6 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Third one from the bottom - how true lol
2007-09-04 12:31:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
lol!! i like these ones:
In an argument, a woman always has the last word. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work.
I don't want buns of steel. I want buns of cinnamon.
Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.
I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
2007-09-04 10:48:07 · answer #2 · answered by ♥ Kaely! ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good Jim!! You are a born comedian!! Can I give you some advise stop making them so long!! Sorry but they take to long to read try breaking them up!! People will lose interest if it takes to long !! As you know there are 1000's of questions on here to answer and some people just don't have time to read all that!! I love to read your jokes cause they always make me laugh but I have to breath between jokes! I hope you don't hate me for this opinion! oxoxoxoxox
2007-09-04 10:58:13 · answer #3 · answered by Polar Molar 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excellent story and what a dreadful situation to be in. I have given this a lot of thought and have finally decided that the best thing to do is buy new, the weld may not last with the weight
2016-04-03 03:39:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nice ones Jim. It's called trying to look on the brighter side of life and having a laugh along the way.
:-)))
2007-09-04 11:06:37 · answer #5 · answered by Teejay 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tractor
2007-09-04 10:43:11 · answer #6 · answered by George TFPGH Delux! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Combine Harvester!!xx;-)
2007-09-04 10:50:13 · answer #7 · answered by SUZANNE R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow............. you have a lot to say. Sorry I didn't read all of it though. Just a few lines from the top and a few lines from the bottom.
2007-09-04 10:45:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great I love them.
2007-09-04 10:44:32 · answer #9 · answered by Smurf 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got too much time on your hands! Lol!!
2007-09-04 10:45:49 · answer #10 · answered by zippy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋