My son is 13, he was very attached to his stepmom and finally just got back to talking to his father. His dad has mental problems and the stepmom's went into a depression during the divorce from the dad's constant harrassment. She had a protection order but he was always in the gray area. He constantly dissed the stepmom to my son and refused to let him speak to her (per a court order). It was a stupid drawnout fight that the dad would draw my son into.
The son pulled away from the dad with all this drama and refused his summer visitation. He just finally started talking to his father now, guardedly but at least talked to him.
He adored this stepmom and she was a good stepmom, we got along fine.
I had the school counselor help me tell him, they notified all teachers, he is in counseling at the school for this they said. What else if anything do I do? I am at a loss now. I forsee him hating his father and right now he of course doesn't want to talk to him.
2007-09-04 10:02:25 · 9 answers · asked by Mulereiner 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
TY to all you guys, I really appreciate all the kind words.
2007-09-04 11:39:59 · update #1
Wyandotte- not this year not sure he will ever with mules, they are dragging some heels pretty good. FFA is finger pointing 4-H and vice versa. I just told him he gets to mule show at breed shows and forget 4-H. You can't get an answer out of anyone, they won't return calls and no ones being honest.
2007-09-04 16:17:47 · update #2
I am only 14 years old myself and i know that i am in no position to give you advice on such a serious topic but i would like to try and help. Since your son and i are about the same age...if i had something like this happen to me i would want to hear that everything would be O.K. and that she loved me very much and that if his father is mentally ill then he can't hold a grudge on him for that.
Just reassure him of everything. He might hate this but just encourage him to stay active and hand out with his friends too because you don't want him to be deppressed or become a lonner or an outcast...and i am so sorry for your loss.
2007-09-04 10:13:51 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ 4 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Alcohol Poisoning takes a very long time to kill you, basically if your a heavy drinker it shuts down your kidneys and then other organs start shutting down and it kills you eventually. It can take years to get to that level. It is not a method of killing yourself as it takes too long. The reason she may have known it was going to happen is she may have done enough damage to reach the critical level and just didn't tell anyone. So she said her goodbyes as she knew it was eminent in the near future. People drink for many reasons but to commit suicide is not one of them. People that want to commit suicide general use a much faster approach like sleeping pills or an overdose on other medication.
2016-04-03 03:35:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, I'm so sorry.
This is so sad.
On top of what you've done, I'd check with a Family Law attorney and make sure the ex cannot have unsupervised access to your son.
Your ex seems, from your brief info, to be eager to draw others into his own drama and misery. "Mentally Ill" is a convenient excuse my ex used for his total abandonment of my youngest daughter from the age of 14 until almost 17 and other bad character and bad decisions. Morons like him make it hard for people who really do have a clinical problem. "Morons" can be used interchangeably with a number of terms whose use I am diligently trying to avoid, lest I cause someone to stumble...
As for dealing with the suicide, I think a big mistake a lot of people make either obsessing about the way she died, or ignoring it and trying to avoid discussing it. Both eventually obliterate the LIFE she lived and the good memories. So I'd also make myself very available and open to discussions. Sometimes when something sucks, all you can do is say "that sucks."
Praying for you...
2007-09-05 06:09:50 · answer #3 · answered by cnsdubie 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Mulereiner, my heart goes out to you and your son. I'm a fan of your wise answers in the horse section, and you've referred to your son many times. I know you love him and are proud of him and give him the support he needs to be successful.
So my answer to you regarding this terrible tragedy in his life is to stay who you are for him--you're his rock in the world, and he will come to you for help. The school counselors are wonderful, I'm sure, but he gets his sense of direction in life from you. He will watch how you handle situations that are hard for you, and he will react to his hardships in a similar way. The best thing you can do for him is to be the loving mom that you are, and offer him open communication and lots of time with the horses and mules. He will be fine, in the long run.
As far as talking to his dad, don't push the issue. I think your son will mirror your attitude toward his dad, and eventually will have the same feelings: pity, remorse, and wishing the dad had turned out to be the knight in shining armor he should have been. What more can you ask for, from your son, really? You can't fool him into thinking his dad is a great person. Your son is already wiser than that. Instead, teach your son that through God's eyes we are all imperfect but loveable. Help your son see forgiveness as it really is: love that wants the best for the other person. I know from what you've written on this website that you have the insight and wisdom to handle this situation the best way.
May God be with you both, comfort your son, and help him learn how to handle the problems in this life. Thank God he has you to help him through this!
2007-09-04 15:16:38 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Good Lord Mulereiner!
I'm so sorry!
I think he would benefit from a councelor. We try to be good parents, and a couple years ago our son started presenting issues that neither of us knew how to handle. I sought help and it has been a tremedous relief to us and welcomed change in him. Looking back, it was silly stuff... really... but to talking to someone who has studied children & psychology, and had alot more experience with kids, and having dealt with a variety of issues, she was incredibly helpful.
You know, it's kind of like never having a dog before and then getting one and trying to train it yourself, then you go to obedience school and they teach you how to communicate and train and whala the light bulb goes on. For BOTH of you.
Also... of course, it's hard to see now, and painful, but God is watching over him.
Big Hug,
Will he still go to State? Is that a goal for him, or out of the question at this point?
2007-09-04 15:31:20 · answer #5 · answered by Wyandotte Hen 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bless you and your son at this terrible time, and may he be near to the broken hearted family of this poor woman. I believe your first responder on this site being a young person so close to your sons age was no accident. They spoke words of wisdom. Your son's father is in desparate need of prayer. Also, at some point your son needs to know that nobody causes somebody to take their own life. There is always another choice that includes life. I am sure at this fragile time, God has provided what your son needs; a mother of great faith and compassion willing to do whatever is necessary to help him through this time. God bless you Sister. I know it is harder to watch your child go through this pain than if you could take his place.
2007-09-04 11:46:05 · answer #6 · answered by One Wing Eagle Woman 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Gosh- this is NOT an easy thing to answer.
When we lost family when I was younger, there was nothing that could console us but time; and I'm sure that's not the answer you wanted.
Unfortunatley, this is an 'angry' age anyway- and to lose someone that your son is close to ... that just makes it worse.
I think the best thing I can say to you is that he's going to be hurt, angry, and probably not want to be close to anyone for a while. And if he does reach out, let HIM set the pace- don't smother him.
Understand that he's going to lash out and he's going to be distant and he's going to hurt...and the best thing you can do is be there for him, but not force yourself on him. Be available and understanding, but don't coddle or smother. It's a very hard line to walk, but I'm sure you can do it!
He's got to figure this out in his head and it will take some time (esp. at that age when there's so much going on)
*HUG* to you and your son. :(
2007-09-04 11:13:08 · answer #7 · answered by kerrisonr 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The fourteen year old buy just told the story.
Straight out of the mouth of babes.
good Lucks
2007-09-04 10:24:05 · answer #8 · answered by *HOT*GHETTO*MESS* 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I am very sorry to hear this. I will pray for him and you.
2007-09-04 11:35:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋