Is cohabitation a good or a bad foundation for marriage? And why?

Question

I am preparing another argument for my Bioethics class. I would appreciate your thoughts. Thanks in advance!

Answer 1

This is just my opinion, but I think that it can build both. I think living together before marriage will either make or break the relationship. If the relationship is strong enough to survive cohabitation, then it is strong enough to survive marriage. many people never marry, just live together. On the other hand, if your relationship cannot handle cohabitation, then it probably never would have survived a marriage, at least not happily. My husband and I lived together for 4 years before we got married. We had our tough times, but we were dedicated to each other. We have now been married (happily) for 12 years.
I think living together should be required before marriage. Maybe then we wouldn't have such a high divorce rate.

Answer 2

On the surface, it would appear that you would learn a great deal about each other by living together; thus, if living together works well, then marriage should be good and vice versa. Unfortunately it usually doesn't work this way. Something changes when that paper is signed and a lifetime commitment is made. Some people feel trapped and try to push limits. Others feel that they can stop trying and stop putting effort into the relationship--or keeping the house clean.

I had an "aunt" and uncle who lived together for 20 years. They got married and separated (and eventually divorced) two months later. Marriage is very different from living together.

Answer 3

are you asking if it is okay for a couple to live together before marriage?...if so, it depends really...it CAN work and sometimes it can't work. It is a good way to find out before hand if the 2 of you will be able to live together under the same roof and share the same space. I think that as long as 2 people go into a relationship wanting the same things, having respect for each other, being honest with each other and having the other persons back all the time is a GREAT foundation for a marriage.Respect and loyalty and commitment are key elements to have.

Answer 4

Time and experience has a way of changing the way you look at things. I really think living together before marriage is a good idea. I never would have done this before my first marriage (over 27 years ago) because it just wasn't the proper thing to do. We got married very young (the day before I turned 18 and he was 23) because we were "so in love" and could not wait to be together. Had a big beautiful wedding, the works. It only lasted 6 years. He was repeatedly unfaithful and I was so in love and naive that I kept forgiving him and taking him back. I was determined not to get divorced and prove all of those people right who said we were too young to get married. If we had lived together first, I would have seen through him a lot sooner. We had two beautiful children so I don't regret anything but looking back, we should have waited until we knew each other. Now I have a terrific husband and I now have 4 beautiful kids. My second husband and I lived together for two years before we married. My two oldest children are 25 and 22 and neither of them lives with their boyfriend/girlfriend but if they ever get to the point that they want to marry, I will definitely encourage them to live together first to see if their love will be enough to get through the tough times. You just don't see the true person until you live with them.

Answer 5

I lived with my husband for 1 1/2 years before we got married. We were engaged for one of those years. During the time not married, we lived as a married couple - sharing chores, checking account, and all the other things married couples do. We even both had children to start. Everyone told us that getting married wouldn't change a thing, but it did. We felt like we were one instead of two. We knew that we were in this for the long haul. We also knew that we already knew each other's faults in the beginning and that we learned to work through our problems. We have been married for 6 1/2 years and don't plan on stopping anytime soon. I am very pro-cohabiting! It worked great for me and my husband!

Answer 6

Cohabitated first marriage, remained married less than two years. No living together the second time around, now we have been together eight years and are still going strong. We lived together ( in first marriage) for financial reasons and we were also just young and stupid. We were also both afraid to make the full commitment. Should have listen to that gut instinct! By not living together, you are able to retain some of that mystery going into your marriage.You haven't spent years already looking at one another vegged out in front of the television!

Answer 7

This has long been a discussion. Some people will not do it because of religious beliefs. I am a born again Christian and was taught that sex before marriage is wrong. According to the Bible it is. But I would like to know that I can live with someone on a daily basis before I get married. It doesn't always mean that the marriage will or will not work, but its just my own feelings.

Answer 8

Personally, I think this will show you exactly who you and your mate are. I am going to say that it just depends. My warrning would be in the day and age of ' i dont want to work at this relationship any more so good bye' you may (or may not) be setting yourself up. I have known others who lived together before getting married and the courtship lasted longer than the marriage .. Why? Because when the newness wears off and you are left with who you both really are, if you have not learned how to deal with each other on that level, it will not last.

Answer 9

i'm in my second marriage. first marriage cohabitated for years before marriage. marriage fizzled after less than 3 years. 2nd marriage no cohabitating (sleep over, yeah) until we were married. the difference for me is none. i had equal amounts of, but different kinds of, expectations that i had to work thru. growing marriage pains. personally after my experiences, i don't think co-habitation has a bearing on a successful or non successful marriage. it's knowing that the person you are with is the right person for you that's the key. i will say that if you do not cohabitate, you are very used to being independent, and maybe are able to view your mate as someone you live with and not someone you depend on. anyway, my 2 cents for what it's worth.....

Answer 10

Cohabitation will show you exactly who that person is. You will see how they keep the house, if they put the cloths in the hamper, if they pay their bills, and if they drink from the carton. If you wait until marriage well, you are stuck with those things even if they make you want to poke your eyes out. Marriage is supposed to be for the rest of your life. Why go into it not knowing what you're getting from the other person.
I'd be happy to bounce other thoughts with ya. Email me if you'd like.