How do I deal with a controlling, possessive, selfish husband?

Question

My husband had a drug problem, lost his job, never completed his studies and has been unemployed for 4 years. He is possessive, controlling and selfish. I have to leave town often due to the nature of my work. He always calls, emails and says the worse things to me, implying that I am cheating on him, not concerned about our kids, want everything my way. We may not get visitors because he is not comfortable around people, as a result I don't have any friends and feel completely isolated.

Answer 1

Odd that you appear to be a man by avitar and name. Anyway, the drug addiction was enough for me. Walk away for your own sake and that of the kids.

Answer 2

First, I am not a doctor or therapist. But, it sounds as if your husband has serious self esteem issues which he is mirroring onto you. As a result, you are living in hell. Sit him down and tell him if things do not change, you are leaving. If things do not improve, go. It sounds as if he may be suffering with clinical depression. If he does not seek help for it, there isn't anything you can do to help him. He has to make the first move to help himself.
On the other hand, if you have reason to believe he may hurt you or the kids if you take the above route, don't tell him anything. Wait until he is gone, then leave. No sense in taking chances on your safety if he is the violent type.

Answer 3

In this case, I could be that husband. I feel very hurt that my wife is sharing her grievs, problems from home and works with her best friend which is a male. I didn't hack into her account but did look at her text and there where sexual overtone text which she describe as bs'g among best friend. Also she admitted she have feeling for him but in a different way. I feel very shi**y because husband and wife suppose to share and support each other. How can you share it with another man? You are his wife! Do you have special feelings with your best male friend that you don't have for your husband? Jealousy and insecruilty falls into play and as much as your first husband give you the right to talk to your male friend, what's the reason for the breakup? Did he cheated on you or he neglected you and that's why you leave? There is a limitation and once the limitation are meet, weird feeling like possesion occurs because he cared. Sorry for the rambling, it's happening to me right now and I'm mad as hell!! But I still love my wife and willing to work it out through theraphy.

Answer 4

There is really not much of anything to do but get out for yourself and the children. That is no life for anyone and especially where there are children. I was at one time married to a controlling man. I waited until my children were old enough to be on their own and there was no longer any reason to stay married. I had wanted a divorce for a lot of years. I was also accused of cheating and also was supposed to be pregnant by another man. My ex cheated on me and got the woman pregnant. My ex was a control freak and thought that I was his property. I had a horrible life with him. We were finally able to get divorced and it was the answer to my prayers. If you are able to get out then you need to start thinking about the children and yourself. If your husband had a drug problem he can still go back on drugs anytime.

Answer 5

Tough love. If hes a addict, he could care less about you leaving. He'd probably have to hit rock bottom before he were to change. This mean no contact. Change #'s, dont respond to emails, you might even have to move! You would want to do whats best for your kids and since he's a druggie, they need at least one strong parent to be mommy and daddy. Now how can you do that if you are allowing this man to constantly stress you out! Think of you children, they will become adults one day and they will talk about how "Daddy is a crackhead and my mommy was scared to leave him". I rather that statement be "My dad is a creackhead, and mom's left his sorry azz!" Good luck!

Answer 6

The drug addiction is the real problem. He is endangering you and your kids if he is caught with the drugs (in a worse case scenario, you could lose the house). You should talk to an attorney about the best way to protect yourself and prepare for a divorce. Suggest marital counseling and do what you can to save the marriage, but also begin to document his problem and protect your kids and your money.

One note, I view drug use as a personal choice, I don't think drug use or users are inherently bad. But, when it hurts others, especially a family, then it IS a problem.

Answer 7

well first off you need to do what is best for you and your children, and it sounds like he is verbally abusive and very insecure. He needs help, but that is not your problem, leave him, before he brings you down to a place you will never be able to get out of. It will be hard at first but you will be surprised how strong you are. I know my ex was the same way, took me 7years for him to figure out he was wrong. i am now a successful woman with a wonderful 10 year old.
Revenge is a dish best served cold!!!

Answer 8

Well gregory, that would be considered abuse. Plain and simple...accusations are a way of manipulation for some people. They just keep pushing and pushing. Losing his job is no excuse, neither is his drug problem. But I bet he'll use it against you some how, some way to control you so that you'll continue to enable him to continue this way of life. Get out, get out, get out. And take the kids, he'll just use them too.

Answer 9

Drugs and abuse are deal breakers. Get yourself and your kids to a shelter. It's not healthy for you to be in that environment and it's not safe.

Answer 10

Put him up for sale on Ebay. Tell them what you told us. And lets see how many women would put up with him. Why are you staying with him? You are telling the world how bad he is what does he do to want you to stay with him? It sounds like he has complete control over you.