{Written about "hunting season" when I heard 5 shots coming from the direction of the house and the panic I feared as I raced to check on the kids, I was only 100 ft away}
Five shots were heard
five kids at home
The eldest sat
while Mom was gone
Working on
the families farm
Setting up their
chicken barns
Five shots were heard
five kids at home
Striking Mom to
panic alone
A haunting chill
shot through the air
Mom raced to
the house with care
Five shots were heard
five kids at home
She thought she
heard the little one
Screaming as
the others bled
Five gun shots,
one for each head
Five shots were heard
five kids at home
She locked the doors
cause she’d be gone
Oh no (she thought)
one fed the dog
Left the door open,
it’s all my fault!
Five shots were heard
five kids at home
How could she live
with her kids gone?
Tears in her eyes
she died inside
As life and death
came to collide
2007-09-04 06:05:32 · 4 answers · asked by ? 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Five shots were heard
five kids at home
She clearly recalls
past loving calms
Crippling pain raced
through her veins
This cannot happen
I’ll be so to blame
Five shots were heard
five kids at home
Maybe her teen
couldn’t handle them alone
So what could she do
at arrival?
Assessing a scene
all to vital?
Five shots were heard
five kids at home
Never again will
they be left alone
She flung the door
open agaze
Only to hear
“Mom? Are you ok?”
2007-09-04 06:07:00 · update #1
Hey Eb Guy, the 5 shots were done by a hunter who was too close to the house, the kids never heard them cause they had the flippin' tv up so loud *^_^*
We do have 2 guns in the house, a rifle (my husbands) and a glock 45 (mine) they are always kept in lock down, promise...
2007-09-05 02:16:15 · update #2
ok shad ..good one...but what were the five shots ??? and where did they go...who shot them and why...also why was there a gun in the house to begin with???...beam me up officer
2007-09-04 08:40:13 · answer #1 · answered by eb_guy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Shad, I'm glad everything turned out alright. As far as the poem goes, I think you could tighten it up quite a bit. There are stanzas that fail to rhyme, but beyond that, the short lines and repetative phrases drag on too long. I'd suggest repeating "five shots" only three times. Once at the beginning, once in the middle, and one right before the end. Meanwhile, there is information missing that you provided in the intro, yet information in the poem that is unnecessary to the poem. Again, edit, edit, edit. Wish I could get you to lengthen your lines :)
keep writing
2007-09-09 12:57:51 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poem well written
what I am interpreting
is 5 children home alone
and there are 5 shots
according to the poem
a hunter was in the story
I certainly hope didn't shoot the
children.
Someone in here said it best too
its sad to live with fear.
2007-09-05 10:35:38 · answer #3 · answered by sweet_blue 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is sad we have to live with such fear every day
2007-09-04 13:16:31 · answer #4 · answered by andyg77 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋