I have a friend who is pregnant and is having many issues with her boyfriend (the daddy). She's not happy with him and I can see why. He's inconsiderate, takes her for granted, always breaks plans with her, and isn't doing "soon-to-be-daddy-like things" like rub her belly, talk to the baby...things like that. I think she's scared to be alone so doesn't leave him. I listen to her, support her, but she always "forgives" him when he says he's sorry and things will change (which they never do). So naturally she has her doubts about him. Should she leave him when they're happy 30% of the time? Will it be easier for the baby? What else can I do for her?
2007-09-04 05:47:31 · 11 answers · asked by alice_aires 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
There is nothing you can do for her. She has to be the one to decide when to leave. All you should do is just be a friend and be there for her and just listen.
2007-09-04 05:53:12 · answer #1 · answered by leeg 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend made an unwise decision to get impregnated without being 100% certain she was mentally, financially, and emotionally ready to have a child.
The problem is ultimately on her shoulders to deal with this as best she can. Single mothers have an extremely hard time raising children (tripple the work) and their children suffer, ending up with lower marks, more likely to abuse drugs and alcohal, end up in jail, etc.
90% of our jails are filled with children from single parent homes. Now, heres the hard part:
You can't change men. Women try for years (and the old ones admit it just doesn't happen.)
What does change with men is their attitudes regarding parenting, as we mature later than women - 25 to early 30's, it might well be worth the wait.
If we were living 100 years ago, he'd have to work 10 hours a day, while she worked hard tending the fire, washing clothes, and so forth. They would have NO issues about getting along back then because survival came 1st, and feelings / complaining was last on the list.
The best advice is to stay out of this, and tell her to go with her BRAIN, not her heart. (brain = logic.) If you advise her one way or another, and it turns out sour, you'll be the bad guy.
Here's another fact:
Of many couples suffering marital problems that stayed togethr, a high % of them claimed to be very happy in their relationships 5 years later.
Relationships are hard, the next guy won't be as good for Jr. as his real dad, the most selfish thing your friend can do is "quit" because she's temporarily unhappy.
She has a major responsiblity, and it should be taken very seriously. As long as they don't fight infront of Jr. to much, things will be OK.
And tell her first and foremost: Children from 2 parent homes where mom and dad put each other first, and baby 2nd, raise healthier babies emotionally, physically, and mentally. These children are the most likely to success in all areas of life.
Western culture has it backwards by putting children first. Mom and dad need to put each other first, and baby will turn out just fine.
Best you can do is stay out of it, without letting her venting get the best of you.
2007-09-04 06:06:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a daddy and the only belly I've ever rubbed was the dog's.
This looks like a domestic abuse case waiting to happen.
There's nothing you can do except what you have done. For sure you can't counsel her to leave him - cause if she always forgives him eventually she'll come to resent you.
Good luck.
2007-09-04 06:05:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well when the baby comes if their still arguing then they should take a break cause arguing causes stress in a baby, but tell her to wait because when they baby comes he might do a 360 and be the best bf and daddy ever!
2007-09-04 05:53:41 · answer #4 · answered by ♥ Im just saying.. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they are going to be fighting 70% of the time that's not good for the kid. plus if the mom is always stressed the baby will be fussy too. Which could add to the problems they already have. Just be a shoulder for her and help her with the kid. That's all you can do. Don't trash the man, but help her see another option.
2007-09-04 06:03:02 · answer #5 · answered by Venessa B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i hate to say it will only get worse when the baby comes with all the time she will have to be taking care of the baby and she will be tired and the baby will be crying alot..and he sounds like a jerk and he will become a bigger jerk then....and there is nothing you can do either...cause she must like the abuse he dishes out if she keeps going back to him....but she need to move on for her sake and the babies....don't drag a baby into all this mess....so if you can help her get out do so really fast tell her i said so....he will always be a jerk.
2007-09-04 05:54:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same position but I am the friend so I am not sure, i tell you this it is a hard decision to make to leave the person you are having ababy for.
2007-09-04 06:37:33 · answer #7 · answered by ally babes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just let her know you are there for her and that you support her. And that is about all you can do. You can't change her mind, or she could get mad at you. She will learn the hard way like most people do.
2007-09-04 05:52:18 · answer #8 · answered by bunny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Will it be easier for the baby? What will make it easier this or that?
What else can I do for her?..Nothing
2007-09-04 05:50:38 · answer #9 · answered by Unbreakable Me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make them understand the reality
2007-09-04 05:53:26 · answer #10 · answered by Rana 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋