the other night he came home after having a few beers and was in a mood! Our 18 month old woke up in the middle of the night and I could not get her back to sleep. My husband tried too but since he was drunk, i didnt want him to handle baby. I said something to him (dont remember what) that made him mad and he was standing in our baby's room holding our child and jacked me up against the wall and choked me - twice - while holding baby with the other hand!
I am still in such shock that he could do that especially while holding our child. He has never done anything like this before and of course he was sorry the next day. I am just too disgusted for words and dont know how if ever I can forgive his 'Jerry Springer like" behavior. It felt like a real low life scene and we arent like that. I am so hurt that our child witnessed this even at such a young age I think they know whats going on. I cant help but think that there is a deeper issue since this came from out of the blue
2007-09-04 05:25:11 · 26 answers · asked by selery222 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Abuse is not based upon being low life. Abuse happens in the wealthiest of homes and the poorest.
Physical abuse usually follows emotional abuse. Perhaps you have not recognized the signs of emotional abuse coming from your husband.
The fact that he was out drinking is a sign that there is a problem. The fact that in your story you do not mention any problem with his drinking suggests that this has gone on for quite some time.
His choking you appears to be a response to you that the alcohol helped him freely reveal. He probably wanted to physically hurt you before, but the alcohol allowed him to feel free to do so.
Be prepared for him to repeat this type of behavior. Your smartest move would be to get your child and get away from him. You are right, your child will retain memories of abuse, by the time a child is three years old they learn to understand relationships from their parents.
Take care,
Troy
2007-09-04 05:39:08 · answer #1 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The problem with this Jerry Springer like behavior is that it has a tendency to repeat itself. Hence Springer still having a show after all these years. If it happened once it will happen again. What I would recommend is preparing for just such a contingency. Pack a bag for yourself and for the baby. Keep it in your car at all times along with some money and the phone numbers of some one you trust that you can call (or a battered woman's shelter). Being prepared means you will have to go through with leaving if it happens again. If he was willing to choke you while holding the baby how long is it going to be before the baby annoys him when he is drunk and takes it out on her. If you pack and it never happens again (which I doubt) then all you wasted was a little time. Make sure there is always a car seat in your car as well as bottles, clothes and formula if that is what you need. (You can always buy extra formula and keep it in the car as a storage place)
2007-09-04 05:32:31 · answer #2 · answered by dave n 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that you are disgusted. Don't let his apology dismiss his behavior. Ask him what was going on, and don't let him excuse his behavior with drinking. Tell him that you are having a difficult time forgiving him. I know lots of people have said something like this, but here it goes. There was a child involved; your child. At this point you need to be thinking of what's best for you and your child. I would suggest that you talk to him about his actions after drinking, perhaps have him stop drinking all together until you both get to the bottom of it. If he's not willing to do that, you need to get out. I know that hurts, but he could end up seriously hurting or even killing you or your child when ever that kind of anger is triggered in him. He may not even know he's doing it until it's all over. I would also seek therapy for both of you, seperately. It's not your fault that he behaved this way. It is your responisbility to DO something about it to protect you and your child. Once is one time too many, and he knew better, even if he was drunk.
2007-09-04 05:42:13 · answer #3 · answered by seaelven 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is very serious. Even though he was drunk, it definitely shows that he has violent tendecies. And with a baby in the house you need to be careful. I would definitely seek advice from an abuse hot line or something. You don't have to disclose any information but maybe call or search the internet that can give you more advice. Do not in any way EVER tolerate this again. Situations like this start out "innocently" and can become life threatening. God Bless You and keep you safe!
2007-09-04 05:32:58 · answer #4 · answered by grain girl 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is and first of all he needs to stop drinking and maybe see someone about his issues (not being mean). Not to make an excuse for him or others but some people can not handle drinking and react far worse then they ever would if they were sober. It is now up to you if you think you can handle what happened. Also just want to ask, maybe he feels that you think he can not handle the child? It just seems that at the moment that is what the problem was and maybe it has something to do with how you and him deal with the child.
2007-09-04 05:32:56 · answer #5 · answered by xyz 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This doesn't give a lot of info. I don't know how long you've been married and how long you were dating before that, or how many times you've seen him drunk. My ex husband was an alcohlic and he was fine if he only drank beer. But once he had some liquor in him, he was violent. Perhaps that is what happened here. Just a warning. This is not a good sign and if it happened once it is likely to happen again and possibly worse the next time.
2007-09-04 05:34:11 · answer #6 · answered by misbotta 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Um, yeah, it's called ALCOHOL - that's the deeper issue.
Seriously, run as fast as you can. Take your child and LEAVE. Don't allow this behavior. He's only going to get worse, and one day he'll wind up killing you, probably in front of your child too. Abusive men never stop.
LEAVE NOW and never look back. Live in a women's shelter if you have nowhere else to go, but do what's RIGHT for yourself and your baby!!
2007-09-04 05:31:13 · answer #7 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry - that's beyond bad. We all do dumb things when we're tired (or drunk), but that's an extremely bad sign and inexcusable. At a minimum, you both had better see a counselor at the earliest possible time; I absolutely wouldn't rule out divorce. He had definitely better never have more than one drink per day again - he cannot be trusted to be a responsible husband and father.
2007-09-04 05:32:03 · answer #8 · answered by John R 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dear Sister,
You are trying to be good in front of others. You already stated that he was never become like this before. Then you are saying that since you don't wanted your hubby to handle the baby when he was drunk, you said something and you don't remember??? Dear sister he was the one who drunk (that also beer). You were fully conscious na. Then how you could not remember what you said? Dementia? Definitely you might have verbally hurt his feelings. His wounded conscious and that also when he was under the influence of alcohol, put oil on fire. Here you ought to have self restraint. You become a normal possessive mother and forgot that you are a wife too. Now talk to him that apological way. He will become cool. Nothing in this world that love cannot conquer. Take your responsibility in this matter without hesitation. best of luck
2007-09-04 06:17:33 · answer #9 · answered by Surettan S 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
i think you guys should talk about it and maybe even go to a therapist. i mean even tho he said he was sorry, that incident will always be stuck in your head. you need to talk it out and make sure that he knows how much that hurt you (not physical but emotional) and that you never want that to happen again.
even if it was only the first time, it could happen again. like you said there could be a deeper issue you need to get out in the open.
well good luck, and please don't think that you deserve that kind of abuse (like some girls in this situation).
2007-09-04 05:36:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋