Creative Writers needed..... Help!?

Question

I write the weekly bulletin for our church. One of the announcements that goes in every week is for the tuesday Men's prayer breakfast, and I am looking to jazz it up a bit.

What I am looking for are some colorful ways to describe doing the cooking. I stead of the same old, "John Smith will be cooking this week", I would like some new phrases, like,
'slinging hash' or 'wielding his spatula'.

Original is good, funny is great. Of course, this IS for a church, so it has to be clean. Any help would be much appreciated!

Answer 1

You could say - This week you will enjoy the culinary expertise of guest chef "John Smith"
or
Say your prayers "John Smith" is our guest chef and you may need the extra protection.

Answer 2

Maybe you can focus on the theme of the prayer breakfast for cues in your descriptions. Ex: Theme:Men and marriage, you can say: John Doe our designated cook will be creating a dish that will make you thankful you have a wife and increase your prayer life! Or, you can use phrases like Jolly John will be cooking up a heap of breakfast vittles, sure to please ya!

Answer 3

*Smithy* here (show picture) is going to be serving up some godly creations at the *whatever church on whatever day**He'll be makin bacon *he'll be doing all the grillin as you do the clillin'*

Answer 4

I admit that I do not have any cooking onfo, but I do have my own views on Heaven and God which you may want to use in other areas of the Church:

I have often wondered to myself what it would be like to be in Heaven, and I have come up with a very interesting image of it!!

Now imagine yourself materializing into another realm/plain of existence beyond what we can detect in our mortal reality. When entering (Naturally as an angel), you feel totally weightless (With no pressure anywhere not even on your feet as if you are freely levitating in outer-space with total control over where you want to go "knowing that no harm of any kind will ever come to you", and being able to move at any speed, in any direction you wish, with still feeling no pressure). You then feel an infinite number of different emotions that are so mysterious and beautiful that are far beyond anything that we can even begin to imagine in our mortal realm. You then realize that you are totally cleaned of all evil thoughts, pain, etc. You also feel as if you are made entirely of the tingling sensation (A lot like the one you get when your foot's asleep), and feeling as if their is an infinite number of beams of pure white light going through your entire spiritual essence from all angles at all times. This would make one feel truly free/refreshed throughout every fiber of their spiritual being. Also being able to experience a countless number of nothing but awe inspiring sounds, positive/enlightening thoughts, sights/images, emotions, etc. Then you realize that you are hearing, seeing, etc, a complex mixture of all the positive/heavenly experiences of everyone their (Including yourself), so that every angel truly knows each others positives inside and out, without question (Both from their mortal lives and lives they are living in heaven). The visual sights/environment in Heaven would be a mixture of every ones positive experiences, thoughts and so on with everyone having true 360 vision (Sights/images beyond our mortal imaginations I am sure). You then feel as if you are truly a part of an infinite all knowing knowledge (Truly without question, being at one with God and everyone else their), feeling as if you are a part of a truly loving/pure, ever expanding consciousness (One massive mind of seemingly never ending knowledge that is continuously growing). Within this realm/Heaven everyone their will feel truly 100% whole/cleansed for all time...Is this what Heaven is really like??!!!...I guess only time will tell.......

Do I believe in God?
Yes. Even though several times life can be/seem difficult even down right frustrating, but when I look at the many wonders around me and truly open up my senses and mind, I find that God is always their in one way or another. I do truly believe that there is a life after this one and I have spent lots of time trying to imagine and rationalize what happens and what it is like for our essence to pass on in the next life. First off, I believe that for those who are not ready to pass on when their physical body passes away that they do get more chances in one way or another in a final judgment until they have truly made up and feel sorry for what they have done by going to hell forever (For a very long or seemingly endless time). When their sufferings purify and truly make up for what they have done then I believe that they will also be ready to enter a beautifully mysterious realm that is far beyond what we can truly comprehend in our current reality.

Why am I so sure of all this, well I will give a few of the endless reasons as to why. Just by looking at the effects the wind has on the leaves and branches as they are blown in several awe inspiring patterns, the sunlight making several sparkles on the water, the lovely artistic array of colours in the sky that a sunset can provide, rainbows, learning of the many stars galaxies, and so on, the many amazing art works created by man (Thanks to gods' marvelous hands of creation), etc.

Hearing the many enchanting calls of Gods' creatures, the array of sounds from the wind and rain as they come in contact with objects, many beautiful sounds from music that can easily help us to open our hearts and minds as well as emotional poetry, etc.

To smell/taste the many aromas/foods from nature as well as many other things created by man (Who I do believe were evolved/crafted by God).

Feeling the breeze as it passes by as well as the refreshing feel (And Smells) of a rainstorm and the many textures of objects that are all around us.

With all this in mind, I truly believe that God does exist. I also believe that the universe is sentient (Everything, Everyone, Every particle, etc having some type of consciousness/awareness-That, to an extent, can be felt if one opens their heart and mind). I also believe that in one way or another the Universe is a consciousness onto its self, where we are all linked in one way or another. After all, even looking at all of this from a scientific point of view, in the very beginning how could the matter, particles, etc that were used to craft all that we know today, just simply come from nothing (Even those who say there was a big bang that started it all "One of many theories", where did the material originally come from...). As far as I am concerned, there is a higher force (God) who created the materials to eventually form the planets and so on giving birth to an amazingly abundant reality that is filled with wonders that we have only begun to imagine and unravel. I also believe in the evolution/changes of the universe, galaxies, planets, creatures, etc and that evolution is the process which allows the universe, etc to adapt to life as well as life adapting to the universe, etc.
Over time, we can properly adapt to our environments and better ourselves as well as the world around us and beyond. I do believe that all this can eventually lead to something marvelous so long as people can look out for and help each other as well as other creatures, etc. Also embracing/working towards peace, love and understanding for a better tomorrow. I also believe that God set in motion the processes that eventually created everything/one and that he is truly everywhere at all times and can be reached when we truly open our hearts and minds to him, ourselves and other people/creatures.

After all, with so much beauty available in so many ways I truly believe that the Lords' caring is truly infinite and I believe that the suffering in which people go through is how mankind can truly find themselves and help out those in need (Understanding pain, which can lead to emotions of sympathy, caring and understanding for one another) so that together we can heal and grow to eventually become a part of something that is more wondrous and greater then anything we can imagine. By opening our hearts and minds to help one another people from around the world can truly become a part of something that is far greater then anything we can possibly imagine.

We each have our own tunes to play in the song of life and by opening our selves to the Lord we can find the melodies that we need to truly make our selves whole. We each have our own uniquely beautiful/emotional tunes to add and experience the Lords' love in our own ways.

I believe that in Heaven, each angel adds to the Lords' infinite love/melodies and that the more who follow him, the more beautiful and intricate that melody/song becomes. If we can all just take some time each day (Even just around ten minutes a day) we can truly begin to heal, and feel the world around us by seeing and experiencing many wonders that would otherwise be passed by, ignored or not even noticed. Together, mankind can truly become enlightened/whole, helping their fellow man as well as caring and having loving respect for other creatures, the planet and life in general.

So yes, I can truly say that I open my mind, heart, and soul to God and helping those who are in need. I do this by showing them what life can offer and that there is a never ending supply of wonders and beauty to experience.

If people work together and help others, then in the end it will all be worth it and we will truly know what it is like to experience Gods' infinitely complex yet loving song that will truly cleanse our souls and set us free for all time!!

I have lots of info that I think you will find quite helpful and enlightening:

http://ecowellness.multiply.com/ for excellent inspirational info within my blog to help not only our world and its creatures, but to also open peoples hearts and minds to many amazing wonders that life has to offer. I also have lots of info in my blog to help fuel peoples imaginations to many possibilities that can be found only in the minds eye.

Along with lots of environmental info, amazing environmental pictures and videos (These videos show the beauty of this world and what life can be like if people take the time to appreciate life’s true beauty).

Let us all strive for a greener/brighter future by helping to create a solid foundation for future generations to build upon, so we can hand them a beautiful world, filled with never ending awe and wonders!!

Where peoples differences and uniqueness are accepted, where we all live as one, helping one another so that we can all play our own mysteriously beautiful melodies in the never ending, awe inspiring, song of life :-)

I truly have faith in humanity and believe that someday our lives and the world in which we live will truly be transformed for the better.