I know a few couples through other friends I met over labor day and the conversations I heard shock me! Mind you, a few details are missing but to even hear this much is baffling.
It seems as if as long as they (husbands) stay the bread winner the wife will look the other way.
One guys is a trucker and even brings his girlfriend to card night with the fellas.
The other is a manager at a wearhouse and hangs out with the fellas like he's still single and has flings on the side yet goes to church and participates with his wife in family events.
Another couple the husband is addicted to porn and never gives his wife attention but she still stands by him but now is thinking of finding a lover.
What do you make of this, am I in the twilight zone?
Nobody is forced to get married so why commit and not commit? When I was married, I only loved her,Money broke us up!
2007-09-04 05:13:48 · 25 answers · asked by Ophiuchus 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I agree. I know a married couple that has an open marriage. To me that is a contradiction. Why get married? I got married because I only wanted to spend the rest of my life with my husband, not to say "Well, I want the married life but I wanna mess around with other people too".
Why can't these people just stay single. and not disregard the sanctity of marriage?
2007-09-04 05:24:12 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ Emily ♥ 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
What you've described is not an open marriage but marriages where the couples have conceded to one partner cheating whilst the other sits at home in resentment. If their marriages were open, they would have had an understanding that they could actually discuss and agree to that they could see other people to get those needs met that their spouse either can not or will not provide in their relationship, receive the legal benefits of marriage for convenience, and/or maintain a family atmosphere for their children until a divorce can be handled when the kids are out of the house. Seeing that the divorce rate in this country is above 50%, it doesn't surprise me that open marriages are being pursued. The people you mentioned need counseling or maybe even just talk. Open marriage isn't just for everyone. Our life experiences is what helps determined whether it is right or wrong. For some people it is just a lifestyle. Good luck. You'll need it.
2007-09-04 06:43:47 · answer #2 · answered by mrdeepthink 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your one glimpse into the lives of the openly married was not an accurate one. You will find that we come from all walks of life, education and economic status. Indeed I have seen studies that seem to indicate open marriage is higher among the highly educated and upper economic classes. Open marriage is an extension of your love for the person you married not a matter of committment vs no committment. We are not simply talking about guys who decide to see other women because they're wives do not or could not doing anything about it. Real open marriage requires committment and a lot of communication. At least one of the couples we are friends with is in the economic situation of having her be the breadwinner and he is the stay at home father.
No its not something for everyone, but it can work very nicely for some of us.
2007-09-04 10:09:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know, it really sounds horrible.
However, for some people though, there's another way to look at it: As long as he comes back to me... Or: at the end of the day, I am the one with the ring...
I think that those women have a low self esteem, or they don't have much ambitions in life, or never knew any better.
In general though since it does happen to men and women, I'd say it's probably because they love too much. They can't let go of a cheating partner and so, again, they take comfort in the fact that at least he/ she comes back home to them.
But, the ones I don't get is the ones who talk about it as the means to salvage their marriage; Or as a "mature" way to enjoy their love lives and nonsense like that.
Then obviously, when it's so open that it's with the partner's blessing then it logically leads on to orgies and then all morals go out of the windows!!!
I don't suppose that for those people that the word marriage means a lot.Maybe financially, but certainly not in the biblical term!
2007-09-04 12:17:17 · answer #4 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The relationships your describing don't sound like open marriage. Those are affairs, weather condoned by the wife or not. Your not in the twilight zone, you should watch TV shows like Cheaters, Jerry Springer (if you can stand it) or some other talk shows and see what really goes on in the world. I applaud all couples in a 'Happy marriage' it takes a lot of commitment along with the initial love that brought them together. Sorry yours had financial issues.
2007-09-04 08:30:21 · answer #5 · answered by Solo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately this is how the world is going today. Affairs are accepted more often, with both men and women.
But my personal opinion is that once you are married you do not see anyone else, saying the marriage vows means devoting your whole life to that one person. I think that when married people have an open marriage then they cannot truly love each other. Marriage is a gift from God, something that He blesses, and it is in the Bible that you are not to commit adultery, infidelity or covet.
If you really love your spouse there is no need to wander. I am very happily married, for 7 years now. My marriage is not easy, and my husband has every reason to see someone else, because due to a chronic medical condition I am unable to be 'intimate' with him. But he loves me, he honours the vows we both said. He says he cannot imagine being with anyone else.
2007-09-04 23:38:04 · answer #6 · answered by crushed butterfly 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If both husband and wife are happy in their marriage what difference does it make to you?
I believe commitment is something that occurs in the heart, not the loins. It has everything to do with love and mutual respect but may have little to do with sex. Sex is certainly not love. It's most wonderful and amazing with the person you love most, but it's still good with others.
Take the wife with the hubby who has his eyes glued to the PC. She has certain physical needs that are not being met. If they both still love each other and really care about each other then why is it bad for her to accept that he likes pictures and movies to get his rocks off and she likes the real thing? If they can both satisfy their own needs, he with the porn and she with a lover, and both be perfectly happy with the other's situation, then what would you rather they do? Should she deny her own sexual needs just because he isn't interested in satisfying them? Should he satisfy her even if he doesn't want to? For what? To satisfy your idea of what a marriage should be?
Frankly, if both people are in love I think it just as silly for them to let sex come between them as money. If a marriage works then it works because both people are willing to both give their spouse everything they can and keep themselves happy. It works because there is honesty, trust, and respect.
With all do respect, no marriage ever broke up just because of sex or just because of money. Those were only just tools or excuses, never the cause.
2007-09-06 20:47:18 · answer #7 · answered by ophelliaz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel when you are in a marriage you should stay where you are and be faithful.
Two people shouldn't marry becaue of material things. Money will be the main factor because we need to live. Yet some let it be the evil by letting it get the best of them.
They loose sight of life and live the life as the JONES.
That is why the credit card people are having fun charging you all the extras from only paying a small amount each month.
Live you life simple and you will see how much happier you will be.
2007-09-04 05:35:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
What I find "interesting" about marriages like these, is that if wifey suddenly starts getting dolled up and gets herself a new lover - the husband usually goes beserk with rage and jealousy.
You aren't in the twilight zone - marriage is supposed to be about fidelity, after all. If two people agree to an open marriage (where both of them have other partners) that's a mutual choice. And up to them.
What you are describing is marriage where the wife is being disrespected, treated with contempt, and conned.
2007-09-04 22:12:12 · answer #9 · answered by Sun is Shining ❂ 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would agree with you, you marry for love and security of having that one person always there for you etc. I think why get married if you are not going to stay faithful. Marriages go through good and bad times and you have to work through them to make a happy marriage.
2007-09-04 05:46:05 · answer #10 · answered by xyz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋