I am 19 weeks pregnant and over the weekend I heard rumor that at a party a few weeks ago, my husband ended up kissing one of the girls that was there. I hadn’t gone to the party because I was beyond tired that day. Anyways, I brought it up to my husband and he said he honestly couldn’t remember anything from that night. The next day he called his friend that had the party and asked if he had in deed kissed this girl. His friend said yes, but that it had stopped there. We talked about limitations with his drinking, and how he can no longer drink without me around (unless he is with the family). I asked him if he still loved me and wanted to be with me and he said yes... but if you want to be with someone and you love them then how can you go out and kiss someone else. Should I have forgiven him so easily? Should I believe everything he said? A friend of mine said to forgive but never forget. I don’t know... what is your opinion?
2007-09-04 05:00:28 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For those of you who are saying he is an alcoholic or that I "knew" he was like this before we got married... not true! He usually only drinks beer and on the weekend. The only reason he even went to this party was because it was his best friend birthday. His friend that he called didnt even know I was on the phone, and still doesnt. My hubby called with me on the other line and asked his friend if he did in deed kiss that homewrecker. His friend said yes but that when he saw them kissing he went outside and spent the rest of the night with him.
2007-09-04 05:23:16 · update #1
The homewrecker he kissed is someone Ive known for about 6 years. I thought her and I were friends... yeah right! She is the one who is going around telling everyone they kissed. She even came to our wedding!
2007-09-04 05:31:13 · update #2
justbeingme, starbucksoholic, Lady Arianna and marks3kids... in your opinion what should I do regarding the woman he kissed? We run across one another alot and right now I could kill her, but Im trying to be the mature woman here. Should I say something to her or not?
2007-09-04 06:45:40 · update #3
Okay I agree that it was something that SHOULD HAVE NEVER happened...but unfortunately it did...I think if he was really trying to cheat on you he would never have gone to the extreme of calling his friend and finding out what happened..he simply would have DENIED it to the fullest that the girl was lying. Honestly he probably didn't even initiate the kiss, she did...because think about it...if you and her were supposed friends and now she's running around telling people about it especially knowing your pregnant and all and this is the worset time for you to be hearing rumors about your husband....I'm thinking there were hidden intentions on her part. If she wasnt a lil snake then she would have called you and been like "hey this happened at a party..it was a big mistake...I'm sorry we were drunk"...that whole spill but instead she's telling people about it....so I think she probably kissed him. He shouldn't have kissed back but he was drunk...and I don't care what all these people say about it not being an excuse or that they remember everything they do when they are drunk...that isnt the case with everyone. I'm not an alcoholic and I've been there before where I wake up and I'm like oh god what all happened lastnight..everyone has ....I think you really need to talk to him about this and try to move on from it...maybe come to an agreement now that if you're not at the party then he don't drink plain and simple. Good Luck and try not to stress for your baby...
2007-09-04 06:37:44 · answer #1 · answered by justbeingme_ 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sigh...tough one. I have been married to a man for 5 years, together for 7 years, one child. We have been back and forth with these situations for as long as we've been married. I think if your husband feels like he got away with the kiss this time, he thinks he can get away with a kiss or something more next time. I think the things my husband has confessed to me are only half of all the bad deeds he has done. I probably would not be far off if I said your husband has cheated in the past without you finding out. I used to think that the "once a cheat, always a cheat" was not true - but I'm thinking it may just be. It sucks. You need to sit down with him and confront this as a major problem, and not just blow it off. You let him know what is going to happen next time if you find out he has done something like this. I still have not left my husband. He claims he found God and is a different person. We'll see about that but I'm not holding my breath. Good luck to you. Just do not make the same mistakes I have made. You and your child will suffer more than he will.
2007-09-04 12:18:58 · answer #2 · answered by emily1980 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I honestly believe most of us go through this kind of problems. Well my husband drinks as well only beer and I remember he also went out with friends and got drunk I was almost 8 months into my pregnancy and I was worried sick when it was 2 A.M. and he didn't show. I just thank God he was OK after all. You know men are little boys no matter how old they are they do things and it's only to show off and feel like they are the MAN but most of the times they don't mean it and the only bad ones are the friends they hang out with. What you have to do is sit with your husband talk things over and let him know your point of view and your feelings if he really loves you he'll understand and work things out. Good Luck! And remember now there is a third one in the picture who is going to need all your love and his as well.
2007-09-04 12:57:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Just re-make the promise that he not drink unless there is someone around that he can trust to keep him in line. Now you both have a perfect example as to why he should keep that promise. Outside of that, unless he's lying, he really was too drunk to fully remember/acknowledge what he did. It doesn't make it right by any means but it does help explain. Make him keep his promise, unless you told him there would be no more discussion tell him how he hurt you by not keeping his promise to you and by kissing a random girl. Whether or not he remembers it, you're still hurt by it.
2007-09-04 12:25:33 · answer #4 · answered by Manny 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
honestly if he really loved you he probly would still have kissed another girl because love has nothing to do with lust or drunkness just because you do something wrong dosent mean you dont love someone if you can forgive and want to forgive then do but it is not true forgiveness if you throw it in his face whenever your in an agrument you shouldnt forget but you shouldnt hold it against somone either and personally dont take into consideration that your prego just make your decision based on how you really feel if you cant trust him ever again and you think it will hurt the relationship then dont stay with him if it is something you can get over then do it but only if you want to not because your prego
2007-09-04 12:10:21 · answer #5 · answered by Angela 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was loaded out of his mind. Your husband has a drinking problem not a cheating problem. You have to be concerned because he was so drunk he couldn't even remember doing anything wrong. How did he get home? He loves you and wouldn't do anything intentionally to hurt you, Right??
Forgive him once with the stipulation he grow up. Your going to need someone to help you when the baby comes. They say sleep now, they mean it!!
2007-09-04 12:22:47 · answer #6 · answered by Cheri >^.^< 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My opinion is - don't borrow trouble.
The man was out drinking, had too much, and did things he couldn't even remember. He called his friend to find out for sure what happened - and the two of you are working out ways to prevent this happening again. If he didn't love you, he wouldn't bother going through all this.
This sounds like a man who made an honest mistake. He deserves to be forgiven, and while you probably won't ever forget it, don't force yourself to remember it either - it'll prevent you from fully forgiving him and being able to move on and have a happy, healthy relationship together.
Give you, your husband and your marriage an honest second chance - make a fresh start of things and move on. What's done is done - and while it cannot be undone, don't allow it to ruin what you have.
Best Wishes.
2007-09-04 12:21:25 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Ariana 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My opinion is that the problem isn't your husband kissing another girl. The problem with your husband is alcohol.
Edit: Uhh, excuse me - he can't remember anything about that night and alcohol isn't a problem???? If alcohol isn't a problem then he's lying. Either way, you DO have a problem but you are in denial so you aren't going to listen to any advice you get so why come on YA! and ask for it.
2007-09-04 12:07:55 · answer #8 · answered by porkchop 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he messed up. It also sounds like you handled it quite well. Another key bit of info would be WHO WAS THE CHICK HE KISSED??? She married too? Alcohol is part of the problem, but there may be more.
You got the warning to keep an eye on him. And if you know the woman...keep an eye on her too.
2007-09-04 12:24:29 · answer #9 · answered by allforthepussy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He told you that he didn't remember then he went and found out the truth. So at least he didn't lie. You probably should believe him this time. No it's nothing wrong with forgiving him so easily. I would be very upset though and i would have some trust issues with him. He would have to work very hard to earn my trust back and i would have to teach him a lesson.
2007-09-04 12:14:52 · answer #10 · answered by leeg 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋