I cheat on my husband, but I dont feel guilty?

Question

I marrried to my husband bcos he is very nice with all the good attributes you want from a guy, honest, trustworthy, intelligent, loves me a lot, treats me very good, but Im not physically attracted to him, and he is not good at intellectual conversation which I enjoy.
So I cheated on him with J, J is incredibly intelligent and good looking, knowledgable and very fun to be with. Im very attracted to J.
I spent every weekend with J for 3 months till now, I left my husband alone at home and stayed over at J's house from saturday to sunday(we are 2 hours far away so cant get together on weekdays).
J gradually likes me more and more, and took me to meet his parents and talked about me moving in. I tried to leave J bcos J doesnt know I have a husband, but Im so fond of him.
My husband is furious when Im not at home on weekends. But he thought I just go out with some female friends.
I dont really feel guilty to my husband,I know the whole thing is too much but now I cant stop it. what to do

Answer 1

So now you know how it feels like to be a man.

Answer 2

Why stop what you are doing? The reason I say this is because You are a very stupid woman if you think your husband is being honest , trustworthy , and treats you good because he loves this very sorry excuse of a wife and marriage he got stuck with, you are even more stupid if you think that he believes you have been with girlfriends 4 the last 3 months.The only reason he gets so angry with you when you stay gone all weekend is because you continue to lie to him when he knows the truth.And the only reason he has yet to kick your butt out the door is because he is having the time of his life with his own woman when you are gone every weekend, he treats you good because he knows that as long as he acts likes he gives a crap about you he can keep having his cake and eating it too. WAKE UP IF HE GAVE A DAMN ,you would not get by with doing what you are doing,NO MAN IS GOING TO LET HIS WIFE STAY GONE EVERY WEEKEND 4 THREE MONTHS IF HE TRULY CARED + If he is a husband that curls up in a fetal position and does nothing but cry when you are out whoreing ,and then he kisses your *** when you come back home,is a far cry from being a man more like a whipped puppy dog ,I would not be able to love or respect ethier of the 2 men that he must be. He is one or the other.He is making a fool out of you or he is letting you make a fool out of him SO WHY DO YOU CARE,.you should at least have enough respect 4 your self to not be the lieing ,selfish ,whore you have let your self become though. SORRY THE TRUTH HURTS

Answer 3

HI there, i understand your situation but what you did is a big mistake the only thing you can do now is try n contact your husband somehow n then say him that you cant live with the feeling of guiltiness n confess what you have gone through when he was not there for you,n also tell him everything right from the scratch! i think it is in his hand now whether to continue his relationship or not! at least by telling him the truth n asking him for forgiveness you would feel much better you can promise him loyalty from now on n see what he has to say you can find out his address from his friends n family try your luck i think everybody do mistakes n everybody has those days but then everybody get's a second chance,may be you'll get your's too good luck

Answer 4

I will offer you my observation.

first, your heart is not right. You should never have sought out a relationship with J. But you have.

at some point, especially if you have picked up an STD, your husband is going to find out.

you have been decietful to both J and your husband. My x did this, and I dropped her immediately. the loser she was dating was an old boyfriend and had no trouble spending my money using her credit cards. He took her in until her money ran out (she had a small inheritance that kicked in about 2 months after I dropped her). then he kicked her out for something younger, better looking and such.

I suspect that if J is half the man you say he is, he is going to freak out when he finds out your married. If he does not, then he probably isn't worth it.

Understand something, fidelity, honesty, integrity all mean something. These are things you can't buy but others judge you by your possession of them.

You have dug a grave and climbing out will be hard.

You need to tell your husband what you have done, and you need to inform J of your marriage.

I'm not going to tell you to walk away from any of this. You need to do what is right. The price you pay now will determine your future.

Answer 5

Weird but I actually think I understand this. I am married to a man I am not physically attracted to but has all the other qualities that truly make a person wonderful. I myself have thought about how great it would be to have the "spice" on the side, the hottie to turn me on. I haven't gone there, but I have also not been married very long. I don't know that I could though and not feel guilty. It sucks because you want to feel those hot exciting feelings for your spouse but you just don't. Everything esle is there though. I would say if you don't share kids get out.....no matter what! If you do then work it out and find another way to get through it, but for sure you need to tell the boyfriend. That is just not fair to bring him in the middle of this. Good Luck Girl!

Answer 6

i don't think you are going to find a good answer on this discussion board but good luck.

my only advice is to figure out which of these two men is really who you think is right for you.

years ago i was in a long term relationship with a man who is similar to your husband - a good person, very romantic, respectful, and fun. on the other hand i found someone who was very intelligent, i was sexually attracted to, and someone who i could keep a long conversation with over time.

i eventually did decide that i wanted to be with my long term boyfriend. i was never guilty, which i think is weird but i did feel that i made the right choice.

unfortunately things don't always get bundled right. if i could choose i would package their personalities and attributes together but that's not how it works.

i don't think i can give you any further advance. all i can say is good luck in finding a solution.

Answer 7

Leave your husband if you don't feel guilty theres no love and no point of being with him. Just remember what goes around comes around. Who knows if later in life your husband finds someone else and so does J and then you'll be left alone. Sorry but it tends to happen.

Answer 8

You are a liar and cheat.
Why should it surprise anyone that you have no conscience.

All of your husband attributes, trustworthy, honest and loving seem to be lost on you. As it turns out your other guy is also victim of you lying and thinks he has a future with you.

You are a person beneath contempt and your for your whoring you deserve to end up lonely and bitter.

Answer 9

You are a cold heartless and horrible person. You are a user, and a whore.

How do you even look at yourself in the mirror?

Your husband has a right to a spouse that loves and respects him, or at least a human being.

At least have the character to be honest with him, tell him that you are a whore and let him move on to a decent human being.

Stop thinking only of yourself!

Answer 10

You've been VERY selfish and you expect an easy way out? You've created this mess, and only you can fix it.
Your husband IS going to find out, it's karma. It'll be better if he hears from you that you've been unfaithful to him.
Here's what you need to understand, love is a conscious decision that you make every day of your lfe. You're just CHOOSING not to love your husband and to love this other guy.
You CAN stop what you're doing, you're just CHOOSING not to. Things aren't going to continue like this forever, and you know what, you're going to wind up losing BOTH men because of your dishonesty - in fact, you probably deserve to lose both of them.
Physical attraction is something you can build, you've just chosen not to. I'm afraid you've made some very bad mistakes, and you're probably going to suffer greatly. Just as you don't feel bad for cheating, I don't feel bad that this will surely happen to you.

Answer 11

I think that you should never have married your husband in the first place. I think that the only way out for your poor husband now would be for you to confess what you have done and that you don't love him. From now on, you need to make commitments for the right reasons. And you need to tell J that you have a husband.